Goodness, my story is a mess.
Worn cover to cover,
Pages that scream broken and scarred,
Chapters that echo sadness and pain,
And yet along the way, I stopped caring about the ripped pages, the pages that are only being held together by thin pieces of tape, and the pages that are falling from the binding. For so long I yearned to be that perfect girl; the girl who had it all together and the girl who had all of her ‘I”s dotted and “t’s” crossed. For so long, I yearned to be her; the girl who was perfect when, in reality, her imperfections ran deep.
My story, my broken and jarred story, is one that kills the plight for perfectionism, for in the inner-most parts of my heart, the idea of letting go of a perfect image of who I want to be is daunting, but when looking at the grace I am lavished in, the idea of perfection is foolish, for it is simply unattainable in my flawed nature.
Oh, but for such desire, I hid my story while not letting a soul in with fears of being deemed unworthy, invalidated, or viewed as another girl with “baggage;” baggage that needs to be sifted through and sorted through.
However, I am more than just a girl with baggage and I am more than just another person to “sift through,” for I am a human being with a story; a story of going from dark chapters of life to chapters were walking by grace is a reality.
That is what I am learning; to walk with grace not only in dignity, heart, and spirit but also with my story. These scars in which I have do not invalidate me from the grace of Jesus, but rather my scars are a testament to the power of the cross and the freedom that is found in Christ alone. Though my story is worn and broken, it is one that reflects His goodness; His goodness that sought me out and rescued me when I was in a dark abyss that yearned to take me hostage.
And here I am now past the broken pages, the scarred pages, and the pages with hardships to walking in grace, breathing in grace, and being a living testament to His grace. Sure, our stories might be deeply rooted stories that endure the pain that seems to be never-ending, but those same painful and gut gut-wrenching stories are the very stories that reflect the power of Christ; the power to break every chain and heal every heart that runs to His open arms.
However, what good does walking in grace do if we hide the very ruins in which we redeemed from? The sole purpose of grace is not to be hiding in the shadows in fear of what one might say, but the purpose of grace is to burst down the doors of shame and condemnation with freedom in His name that has the power to break every chain.
Our stories might be broken and scarred,
Our stories might include some of the most harrowing times,
Our stories might be the hardest to comprehend.
And our stories might be stories that are “hard to believe stories,”
But the power of the cross will forever reign sovereign and will forever reign true, for it is through the mighty cross of Christ that we have been set free in utter victory.
The beauty about grace, no matter how lost one might be, is that no matter how far we run, the Father has His arms outstretched to us each time yearning for us to run to Him again and again. His love, His endearing and steadfast love, isn’t based on our pasts or failures, but it is based on His goodness that is forever anew and forever slow to anger.
And that love that is filled with utter goodness, utter peace, and utter faithfulness thinks of new mercies for us every single morning without any previous bearings to the stories we might have lived, for the thing about grace is that when it sets you free, it sets you free indeed.
Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.” John 8:36