To Be Away From Him: A Fear Crippling to The Bones

Friend, I have a fear.

No, it isn’t an irrational one, but it is one that has been a fear of mine for awhile now; one that is growing as I see many people walk way from the faith and from God as their hearts have stopped seeking Him, stopped beating for Him, and have stopped living for Him.

That fear is one day waking up and no longer desiring Him.

The thought of one day waking up and no longer yearning for His spirit, brings a chill to my bones.

The thought of one day walking around and going through the motions without having adoration for the Lord brings a fright to my heart.

The thought of waking up and looking at the Word as if it is just “another book” brings fear to my soul.

The thought of just one day not desire God is my biggest fear, for He is my everything.

Without Christ, I am nothing. The very fabric of who I am, the very air I breathe, the very reason I am writing to you right now is because of Him and all for Him. He is the beat behind my heart, He is the breath in my lungs, and He is the desire in my heart, so to one day just stop yearning for Him brings a chill to my body from my feet to my soul.

And yet every single day, people stop desiring Him, especially in the American church that has taken the gospel and made something out of it that it was never supposed to be. The more I hear of people saying they are levin their pastoral positions to seek the world, the more I hear of Christians agreeing with sin or seeking sin, and the more I see Christianity become something it isn’t, the more I yearn for God.

I know to some this is irrational, and maybe absurd in some cases, but to me, Christ isn’t just a worship song, He isn’t just a sermon to be heard on a Sunday, and He isn’t just a pretty little placeholder in your bio. No, He is so much more to me. He isn’t just a Sunday morning check mark off my to do list and He isn’t just an “I believe in God” statement, but He is the one in which my hearts longs for; the one in which I fall to the feet of the throne towards due to being ever so in love with Him.

When I gave my life to Christ eight years ago, I made the selfless decision to pick up my cross and follow him. When I gave my life to the Lord that night, I told the Lord that it is no longer I who live, but it is He who lives with me, and when I gave Him my heart, my soul, my spirit, and every single part of who I am, I told Him that it is His will, not mine. Therefore, to think of waking up and no longer wanting Him, desiring Him, and needing Him is to kill my spirit, for that is where He lives.

But the one thing I cannot fathom is the pain in which Jesus must feel when people leave Him and walk away. Many believe the only pain Jesus went through was on the cross, and yet when people turn from Him and walk away, that is like pinning Him back to the cross; jabbing His heart with rejection again and again. Therefore, the thought of people walking away from Him as it’s even okay is mind-blowing, for I can only imagine the Holy and Merciful God weeping at His throne yearning for them to come back, for He is everything they could need, everything they could ask for.

The problem is, is that society serves a different Jesus; a Jesus that isn’t the true One who was suffered and beaten when He gave His life to us. America, especially, has taken the gospel and made it a “me” narrative where we place ourselves as the center rather than Christ, and the reason so many people walk way from Jesus is because it no longer serves them anymore. However, in reality, it isn’t about what “serves you,” but it’s about whether you are serving Christ.

You see, being a Christian isn’t just saying a prayer, but it is a heart relationship that dies to self, and if you cannot die to yourself, if you cannot take yourself out of the center, and if too cannot pick up your cross, then following Him is going to be the hardest thing for a human to do, for it isn’t about you, it’s about Him.

And that’s the problem.

We have stopped preaching about picking our crosses, we have stop preaching about dying to ourselves, and we have stopped preaching the soul shaking, soul shaving gospel that requires us to stop focusing on self and start focusing on the one above. We live in a world that condones sin as “okay,” we live in a world that blends secular worldviews with Christianity, and we live in a world that makes Jesus seem to be a “chill” guy rather than Holy God worth of respect and worship.

Most importantly, we have demeaned the power of God as to being something that centers around us rather than centering His throne and His glory.

There are two gospels that are in our society right now; one that kills and one that brings life, and the one that kills is the one that is the counterfeit, which sparkles for a short time, but then leaves you with nothing when the glitter is gone. However, the one that brings life isn’t wrapped up in a bow and is not glamorous or “pretty,” but it brings forth eternal life ever so sweet and ever so divine.

However, many have sadly followed the counterfeit gospel; biting into the sweet taste that floods the mouth. They find joy in it for awhile, singing praise songs, going to church, and placing Jesus in their bios, but what happens when the song is over? What happens when the sermon ends? What happens when the prayer ends? What happens the the glitter no longer shines? The thing is, is that the sweetness of a counterfeit gospel only last for so long, and then the true desires of the heart rise up, for the counterfeit gospel can only suffice for so long until you go looking elsewhere for something else.

Something else to satisfy you.

Something else to bring that same feeling.

And something else to bring forth joy.

And when we begin looking towards the world to fill only a void Christ can fill, then we are in grave danger, for we are walking the line where eternal security is at question; a topic that no one wants to speak on.

So Yes, I am terrified of being away from His presence, for He is the very air that I breathe day in and day out. I want to feel the Lord’s presence, I want to seek Him day in and day out, I want to deny myself to seek His face more, I want to surrender myself daily to the one who was and is to come, and I want to make my world about Him, for it wasn’t for Him and His grace, I would be simply nothing.

Therefore, this is my fear; to be away from Him, for when you truly experience the presence of God, when you truly experience the life changing Lord in which we serve, and when you truly enter His presence, the very thought of leaving Him is one that brings forth a sick feeling to the stomach, for He is our lifeline in our bones, the water to our bodies, and the nourishment to our spirit.

Oh, if only people tasted of the sweeter joy found in Christ; the sweeter joy of truly surrendering themselves and worshipping Him, they would understand this fear, for when you are redeemed by the Lord in which was crucified and slain for you, how could you ever think of leaving such a precious Savior behind?

Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?” Matthew 16:24-26

 “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.” Galatians 2:20

“”Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven.  Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’” Matthew 7:21-23

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