There has been a trend happening within Christian circles that needs to be addressed and that is making men who are simply decent into being men who are high standard men, when in reality, they aren’t so. Within our society today, women believe that they can fix a man, which brings more harm to the heart than good, for only God and God alone can fix a man; not a woman, not a person, not an organization, not a support group, and not anything you can think of, for only God himself can ransom and save a humanity.
However, women have placed it upon themselves to be women who try to fix a man rather than trusting the Lord to bring them a man who is already in His presence ready for the next season. Furthermore, due to such flawed mentality becoming normalized, women have blurred the lines in regards to what high standards are, which leads to the heart being broken more than it should be.
In the end, the truth is as follows:
A man who messages you back is not a high standard.
A man who calls you beautiful is not a high standard.
A man who notices your existence is not s high standard.
Most importantly, a man who says he “loves God” is not enough to be a high standard, for that does not necessarily mean being a godly man who seeks refinement in the Lord.
In the end, none of these are high standards in the slightest, but they are common decencies that any man should have regardless of standards or not. However, due to Christian women being so desperate to “get a ring” or “get a man,” they have blurred the lines of what a high standard man is with a regular man who is the bare minimum.
A man who is the bare minimum won’t take responsibility and is easily swayed to the point where he is more of a project than a man in God’s presence, and God would never send you potential, but rather He would send you a man who is already there.
Though no man is perfect and will fall short of the glory of God, I do not believe in using imperfection as an excuse to not to seek refinement or growth in Christ. Far too often, Christians use the “I am imperfect card” to not do as God says or to do things their way, for they assume that “human depravity made me do it” rather than their own selfish ways. Due to such human state we live in, God calls us to crucify our flesh and if a man isn’t willing to do that in ever single facet of his life, then all he is is a project rather than a man in God’s presence.
Yes, I am imperfect, I am flawed, and I make mistakes as well, but that doesn’t give me an excuse to not grow in the Lord due to me being “imperfect,” but it gives me all the more reason to seek the throne of Christ in full obedience and refinement. The honest truth is, is that Christians don’t want to be uncomfortable, which is why we see toxicity and dysfunction in Christians all around us.
When we address wrongdoings in polite ways, others think you are being rude. When we tell people our worth and that we are worth more than what we are being treated, they think we are uptight. When we tell people that we have high standards, they thinks we are foreigners who don’t realize that “people are broken,” when that isn’t what we are saying at all.
“Open rebuke is better
Than love carefully concealed.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend,
But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” Proverbs 27:5-6
Due to having such a twisted mentality, rather than seeking a person who pushes us towards the refiner’s fire that sharpens us like iron, we seek people that reaffirm where we are without telling us to grow anymore. However, if a person is making you comfortable without ever confronting you so that you might be better, is it really love, for love cannot be love with correction and reproof. Therefore, due to women falling into the trap of being comfortable and desiring marriage to the point of desperation, we have settled for men who are projects rather than men who are in the presence of God and who can be leaders.
A high standard man did not become a kingdom seeking man through the bare minimum, but rather, he became a seeker after God’s heart due to having his heart broken for what breaks the heart of God.
A man with high standards would be a man who is ambitious, has long-term goals, is financially responsibly, is not easily swayed, is rooted in the truth of the Word, seeks conviction actively, seeks to have his heart revealed, seeks the throne of Christ, seeks to protect his purity, detests this world in which we are living in, and loves the Lord to the point where he would get rid of anything that was taking more time away from the Lord.
“If you would prepare your heart,
And stretch out your hands toward Him;
If iniquity were in your hand, and you put it far away,
And would not let wickedness dwell in your tents;
Then surely you could lift up your face without spot;
Yes, you could be steadfast, and not fear;” Job 11:13-15
That man, that amazing godly man in which women think doesn’t exist, is a high standard man that goes beyond the bare minimum to the very heart of God by seeking Him in all things. This man isn’t going to be found in your DM’S messaging you when he seemingly has time for you, he isn’t going to be only calling you beautiful, he isn’t going to be found at a bar, and he isn’t gong to be found on his phone in a church pew, but he is going to be found at the feet of the throne in humble worship as he lays himself down in full surrender.
That is where the godly men are found and that is where women need to be, not in seek of a husband, but in seek of the One who first loved so that we may have love. I can only imagine how the heart of God breaks when He sees us yearning for a love when there is already an everlasting love in Him, and while getting married is beautiful and lovely, how can we ever love God in such a marriage if we refuse to love Him in singleness as we chase people in our lives?
In the end, man who is a project cannot lead you if he cannot even lead himself in surrender to the throne of Christ.
Ladies, I know that you want to get married, for as a single woman myself, I desire marriage too, but the worst thing than being single is being married to the wrong man you settled for. Don’t be a “woman out of many” to man who doesn’t know what he wants, don’t be a woman who seeks a man who cannot seek responsibility in refinement due to it being too “uncomfortable,” and don’t be a woman who blurs the line between a commonly decent man and a high standard man.
A commonly decent man isn’t going to help in making a godly marriage, for he is just a project. Far too long have Christian women settled for men who were projects due to saying that they have “good hearts,” but in the end, it takes more than a “good heart” to make a marriage godly, but it takes two people who are in full surrender of the throne of Christ to make a marriage work. Furthermore, It takes two people who are willing to have their hearts exposed, called out, and pulled into the uncharted waters to make a marriage work or else you will sink as Peter on the water.
“But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.” 1 Corinthians 11:3
In the end, a man who is a project cannot lead you in Christ if he cannot even lead himself in full surrender to the throne of Christ due to pride, comfort, or what he wants and that isn’t selfless love. Therefore, instead of seeking men, seeking commonly decent men, and seeking a man due to thinking you need to rush down the altar, fall in love with the Lord, give Him the pen, and allow Him to send you a man in His presence rather than a man who is a project.
A man who is a project is not your job, but He’s God’s job; therefore, rather than seeking to be the doctor that only Christ can be, trust God with your love life as you fall even more in love with Him while becoming more of the woman He needs you to be rather than trying to make other men into the men they should be.