I’ve decided to add a new element to my walk with the Lord and that is by writing a verse on a notecard and pinning it within my Bible so I can see it each morning and night so that I may think of new ways to apply it to my life when studying the Word. Such a small gesture has brought new growth to my walk with the Lord as I actively apply His Word to my life, for in a world full of “hearers” of the Word, we need more doers.
However, for the past month now, the Lord has laid one verse on my heart over and over again and it is due to one small word that many would glance over without second thought, and such a word happens to be the word “all.” Many might wonder, “Why would the Lord be ever so passionate over a small word that could mean many things in different contexts?” Well, the verse comes from none other than Proverbs 31, and as a woman who is single, I still apply the words of Proverbs 31 for this very reason.
Though my handwriting is quite questionable as I scrambled to write the verse down while many thoughts went through my mind, the word “all” clued me into the fact that a woman doesn’t just do her husband good when married, but she does him good ALL the days of her life. That means when she is single, when she is a young woman, when she thinks no one is watching, when she thinks “what I do now doesn’t matter,” and even throughout the entire process of dating; she is to do him good, not evil ALL the days of her life.
This is the intricate reason as to why the Lord whispered to me for over a month, and such whispers brought tenderness to my soul when thinking of my future husband. Therefore, for the past month, I have been thinking of what I can do for my future husband even as a single woman, for as verse 12 says, she does him good “all the days of her life.”
Now, this post is counter-cultural, for we live in a climate where we believe in doing what makes us happy right “now” without asking what the consequences could be to those in our future. Regardless of one’s position on the subject, life resembles a domino effect, and when one domino is pushed down, it may not impact the end goal in the beginning, but it will eventually crash into it as the other dominos fall down one by one. Therefore, what we do now as singles will eventually impact the married life in which we want.
Furthermore, I cannot speak for every Christian woman, I cannot say “You must do this before marriage,” and I refuse to do that. However, this is simply what I am doing as the Lord whispered to my soul of such a beautiful verse that many take for granted. Therefore, here are four ways in which I am honoring my future husband even though singleness is still my season as I go through life.
I must first fall madly in love with the Lord as I seek the things above, for it is He who marriage glorifies; therefore, it is He that I must first love
Though this may be redundant as it is often spoken, it needs to be breathed out more due to the sheer number of women who place their future husbands above the Lord; the one who is most High and Holy. While I understand the yearning of wanting to get married, if you place such desire above the Lord, it will fall and crumble before your very own eyes, for the Lord is not to be competed with. The Lord is holy, worthy, and deserving of a heart willing to surrender it all before the throne. Therefore, a way to honor my future husband is by simply loving Him more, seeking Him more, and understanding that He is worthy of me surrendering everything, even my future husband before the feet of HIs throne.
“We love Him because He first loved us.” 1 John 4:19
Marriage is a direct reflection to the glory of God, and yet in order to have a godly marriage that is deeply rooted in truth, we must first love the one who first loved us. Many Christians yearn for a godly marriage, and yet they don’t have a cultivated and intimate walk with the Lord in singleness. To believe that our walk with the Lord will become deeper after marriage than what it was in singleness is a lie that causes marriages to fail, for in order to honor and glorify God with our marriages, we have to first honor Him with our singleness.
My future husband is a man who I will love and do love even now; however, I love my Lord first, and if I yearn to have a godly marriage with that man, I must first glorify, honor, and respect the one who who is worthy of such things even before marriage.
I pray for him and his walk with the Lord everyday, for the most selfless and tender form of love is going before the throne of God in prayer for him
A gentle way of “doing him good all the days of his life” is by praying for him even if I don’t know what he needs prayer of. Each day, I not only pray as I seek the Lord first, but I also pray for his heart, the things in which are bothering him, and that he continues to seek Him well, for at the feet of the throne is where all joy is found.
Many women view their future husbands as a “in the future” type topic, but his life doesn’t begin with me, but it is happening even now as I write. Therefore, I yearn to pray for him, for what he is going through, and for the needs in which his heart and spirit yearn for. I pray for his day, I pray for the things afflicting him, I pray that he is encouraged in the spirit, I pray that he finds contentmemt in Christ rather than in things and people, and most importantly, I pray that the Lord convicts and refines him into being the man HE needs him to be rather than the man he thinks he should be.
Such prayer is the deepest and most intimate form of love, for it is going before God with a humble and contrite heart for his needs rather than your own, and what better way than to love him all the days of my life than going before the throne of God in selfless love for him?
I remind myself that my choices now will impact him, and I don’t want a break his heart before ever receiving it.
This is highly counter-cultural in the deepest way, for it requires us to think of someone else rather than ourselves, especially when it comes to a future husband. However, I don’t want to break my future husband’s heart before ever receiving it, and yet so many people disregard their choices that they do now due to “him not being here yet,” which shows the lack of care for a man who will one day be there.
There is a reason the Lord said that a Proverbs 31 woman “does him good, not evil all the days of her life,” and it is due to this very reason here. Women in today’s day do what makes them feel good and then settle down, but that’s not a God glorifying mentality that shows selfless love like Christ. Therefore, I honor my future husband by understanding that his heart is currently beating and feels everything, so why would I break it before ever being given it?
I am saving myself for marriage both in body and heart, for my future husband is the only man who is worthy of such a right, for he is the man who will lead me to the altar before Christ.
I am cautious as to what my soul and spirit is perceiving, for it we become desensitized to how the world is, then how can we be true, godly examples to our spouses if the outside ugliness no longer alarms us?
I am cultivating a heart of tenderness and selfness, for if I cannot be a tender, selfless, and God desiring woman now, I never will be towards my future husband as he goes through ups, downs, highs, and lows.
“Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:23-24
I could go on and on with the list, for I am cautious as to what my choices could bring, for while we are free to make the choices in which we want, we are not free from the domino effect in which they will cause. While I first do these things for the Lord’s glory, I also do these things for my future husband isn’t wanting me to be the woman of his dreams, but he’s wanting me to be the woman of his prayers, and if I am to be such a woman, I must fall to the throne of grace and realize that my actions not only impact my the heart of the Lord, but also the heart of my future husband.
In the end, these are three gentle, yet powerful ways that I do my future husband good “all the days of my life,” for I don’t want to be a wife who only begins to be faithful, loving, encouraging, and loyal when she knows him and marries him, but I want to do such things even in my singleness, for if the Lord says he is worthy of that, then I too will view him as worthy of that.
Though this verse is widely overlooked in comparison to the others, I believe the Lord placed it in there for a big reason, for many women assume that this chapter is only for “married women,” but that small word of “all” clues us into the bigger picture; the picture of loving him ALL the days of our lives rather than just some. Therefore, I desire to do just that as I seek the Lord first and that is “doing him good, not evil for all the days of her life.”
“Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:10-12