If there is one thing that I could write many blog posts about, it is about one thing; “using church to find a man.” Not only is that disrespectful to God, but it shows that you are not content with where you are with God to the point where you use Him to get what you want. Needless to say, a lot of Christian women have this issue; they go to church to find a man to the point where it has been normalized as a “way of doing.”
In reality, there is nothing normal about using godly fellowship as a dating pool for selfish gain. Is it wrong to like a man in church? Of course not, but if your only reason for church is “to find a man” then your priorities are in the wrong place and should be examined very closely. If my future husband walks into my church, then that is great, but I am not there “just to find him,” but I am there to seek community and fellowship with God alongside others who love Him as well.
However, my stances are often not the most popular among many young people, and more often than not, I hear others telling single Christians the following statement in different ways; “You need to “place yourself” where there are single people, for God “expects” us to do our part.”
“Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!” Psalm 46:10
That is what I have a problem with, for I don’t agree with that rhetoric at all. In fact, I believe the exact opposite of “doing our part,” for God doesn’t need me to do anything, but instead, he wants me to be still and know that He is God. I don’t have to place myself here or there, but all I need to do is grow in the Lord, trust in Him, and become the woman He needs me to be and He shall do the entire rest.
This is where my next statement is highly unpopular due to the lack of faith in many single Christians, but I am not afraid to make such a statement, for I know the God in which I serve. Rather than seeking a man and seeking where “men are,” I have asked God to hide me in His presence while only revealing me only to the man who dwells in Hi presence, and that man is my future husband. With that being said, I believe that the next man who walks into my life will be my future husband, for I trust the Lord to reveal me only to Him as I have asked Him too.
I am not going to settle for endless strings of first dates that go nowhere, I am not going to settle for “flings,” and I am not going to settle for endless heartache; therefore, the man who walks into my life will be my future husband, for the Lord will reveal me to him and hide me from those who are not for me, for I have faith that He will do just that.
In all honesty, the older I become, the more I realize how the Lord doesn’t want me to hold the pen to my love story, but rather, He wants me give up then pen to Him so that He can write a beautiful love story that reflects His selfless love. There is a reason that Christians have the highest divorce rates in comparison with those who are not Christians and it is due to wanting to do things our way while still asking God to bless our plans.
However, it does not work like that and it never will.
We cannot expect to take the control from God, marry who we want, and then ask God to bless it, for God only blesses those who wait on Him and who surrender their plans to Him. Therefore, the Lord does not fund our ideas, but He only funds HIS ideas and His ideas alone. Yes, I am in my twenties, and I want to get married now, have children now, and be a godly wife, stay-at-home mom, and homeschool mom now, but I don’t want to get there through force, but I want to get there through the will of God.
“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9
The older I become, the more I realize that when I try to do things on my own, I end up being humbled by the Lord rather than blessed. The older I become, the more I realize that the more I hold onto the pen rather than giving it to the Lord, the more I am withholding the promises of God, for the Lord cannot bless me with His promises when I keep chasing things that are wrong for me. The reason that Christians divorce as they do is simply because they chase their own desires rather than God’s desires, for our thoughts are not His thoughts.
Therefore, I am not going to do “anything,” for I am going to be still and know that He is God. I am not going to intentionally go where the single men are in hopes of “snagging a husband,” for my future husband is not going to be found by me constantly looking, but he is going to be found in the presence of God where I should also be. My future husband is not going to be found by me constantly looking over my shoulder in hopes that he is in the building, but he is going to be found hidden as well in the glory of the Lord, and one day, when he looks up he sees me also hidden in the glory of the Lord, He will know that I am the one.
That is where He will find me; at the feet of the throne.
I don’t want a love story that I forced, but I want a God-written love story where everyone knows that God wrote it by each and every word they hear. I don’t want to tell my future children one day that I met their father by going to a so called “single’s event,” dating app, or that I was desperate, but I want them to know that I hid myself in the Lord and trusted Him and then one day, the Lord brought Him too me.
I don’t want a love story that is common, and that is what a lot of people have; common love stories on dating apps and so forth, but I want a God-written love story where every single detail is woven to reflect the glory of God. I don’t want to go by an overused script, I don’t want to read “five ways to get a man to like you,”and I don’t want to have people telling me what I need to do to get a man, but I want to surrender myself so that God can work in my life rather than me.
Therefore, I want God to hide me in His presence from the men who are not for me while only revealing me to the one who truly matters; my future husband. I want to fall ever so in love with the Lord, I want to seek His presence, I want to bask in His faithfulness, I want to be surrounded by His joy, and I want to surrender who I am before the feet of the throne, for if I am unable to love the very one who died so that I could live, I will never love a man who will get down on one knee for me.
The thing is, is that I am not praying for a man with “Christian” attached to who he is, but I am praying for a Kingdom driven man who has his eyes fixed on eternity rather than on the things that are before him. I am praying for a man who has high standards, who won’t settle out of desperation, who won’t allow his current season to sway him, who won’t allow the tide to overcome him, and who is also surrendering himself to the throne of God in seek of His blessings rather than his personal wants.
This man, this type of godly man who seeks the presence of God in all fullness of joy, will not ever be found through what I do, but He will only be revealed to me in the same presence that he dwells in; the presence of the Lord in which our stable rock stands. Therefore, I will not normalize going to church to find a husband, I will not go to single events in hopes that a man notices me, and I will not constantly be looking over my shoulder hoping that he is near, but instead, I will hide myself in the Lord and become the woman of grace He needs me to be while trusting that God knows what He is doing with my love story.
Because He already wrote it.
Every word, every page, and every chapter has already been written by God before I was ever born. He knows how my story will end and begin, and my story involves the man I will marry, the children I will have, and the seasons I will endure. Therefore, I am giving up the pen to the Master story teller, for He is the most beautiful author of love where He himself shed His blood so that I could live. In the end, if I want a God written love story that reflects the glory of the Lord, it won’t through what I do, but it will be through what I surrender before His presence.
Th closer I get to Christ, the more I hear His voice, and the more I can hear His voice, the more He will be able to guide me to the blessings in which He has in store. I don’t want to be a woman who chases, for I refuse to chase, and through constant chasing is the reason people end up heartbroken. Therefore, I refuse to constantly chase a man, I refuse to pursue a man, I refuse to do what the Lord doesn’t want me to do, but instead, I hide myself in the Lord and I am not afraid to do that.
I am not afraid to walk away,
I am not afraid of refusing to chase a man,
I am not afraid of being single for a season, for singleness is a blessing to grow in the Lord,
“But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly.” Matthew 6:6
And I am not afraid to hide myself in the Lord, for a woman who is afraid to hide herself in the Lord will not be able to publicly have joy when her blessings arrive, for it is when we go to the secret place that we are blessed publicly, and that is what I shall do; go to my secret place and seek Him. I know that even if I am hidden in the Lord, my future husband will find me and seek me, for He as well will dwell in the same presence that I do, so I don’t worry about being single forever, for I have bigger faith than to worry about such things.
Therefore, I refuse to be found constantly seeking for a man’s attention, I refuse to be found everywhere, but I will only be found in one place and one place alone; the presence of God, for I trust Him to write my story. One day, my future husband will find me at the feet of the throne in utter surrender, and there is no other place that I would want my future husband to find me than at the feet of the one who first loved so that I could love like Him.