I am getting back into my original content that I have written for years; godly dating and marriage, for I don’t care if it’s an overdone topic in the Christian circles, for it needs to be addressed due to many Christians falling into broken relationships that cause them pain and problems that could have been avoided otherwise. If you have been following my blog for the past four years, the one thing I have made known is that I am not looking for “another boyfriend,” but I am looking for my future husband; the man who will lead me in Christ.
I don’t believe in wasting time.
I don’t believe in endless window shopping.
I don’t believe in false promises or false hopes.
But I believe in being intentional and serious when it comes to relationships, especially in the dating realm that should lead to marriage. Furthermore, I am a woman who dates with the intention of marriage, and if a man has no intentions of wanting a godly wife, then he has no business dating me, for I’m not looking for another boyfriend to change my “status,” but I’m looking for a man who will make me his wife.
With such stances, I don’t have a dating record or history and I have been told by a lot of people that I will “scare men away,” but that doesn’t faze me. I’m okay with scaring the men who don’t like commitment away, for the right man won’t be scared of a woman who wants to get married, the right man won’t be scared of a woman who is intentional, and a godly man won’t be scared of a woman who is guarding her heart by having such intentional stances.
Not too long ago, I was talking with my best friend about this very topic and I told her how many people are having mini divorces before every getting married by the constant cycle of breaking up and not taking things seriously from the beginning. I personally view a lack of intentional relationships like so; mini divorces before an actual marriage begins, for you are training your heart to give up when things go wrong or not in the way that you think they should be.
Not to mention, we have men who “talk” to multiple women at once while comparing them to see who is the “best woman out of the bunch,” we have women who lead endless strings of men on, and then we have broken relationships that result in a broken heart before marriage.
In the end, I am not looking for “another boyfriend,” but I am praying for my husband
I am not looking for another boyfriend, for anyone can find another boyfriend; however, not everyone can find a godly man with a heart that seeks the Lord. Therefore, I am not looking for a man to call my boyfriend, but I am praying for a man who wants to make me his wife, his encouragement, and the person he grows as one in the Lord with. I am praying for a man who will walk with me in truth, who will pray with me, and who will be the father to our future children as we parent them in the way that they should go. Therefore, I don’t have time to “flings,” for I’m praying for a godly marriage, not a cheap love due to “being tired of singleness.”
“Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:23-24
In regards to singleness, singleness gives us time to prepare for the next season, and if you are not actively searching your soul while asking the Lord what will not do well within the next season, then you will not be equipped for marriage. The single season allows you to time to grow in the Lord alone before ever becoming one with someone, and if you are not able to love the Lord in full contentment in singleness, how will you ever be able to do so with another person?
In the end, rather than seeking person after person as so many people are doing, I actively becoming more of the woman the Lord wants me to be while also praying for my future husband, for rather than seeking men in hopes of a relationship, I am seeking the Lord as He brings my future husband to me, for as I said, I am not looking for a boyfriend, but I am praying for my future husband.
I want my future husband to see a woman who is not only in love with the Lord, but who is so deeply hidden in His presence, that she doesn’t care about being found by every man, for she only cares about the will of the Lord finding her. Therefore, I am seeking His presence, for the Lord will bring my future husband around in His perfect timing.
I refuse to date just any man in hopes of it “changing my season,” for the one thing worse than being single is marrying the wrong person and finding out when it is too late.
My mother always told me, “Marry in haste, repent in leisure” and a lot of people marry the first person who likes them or shows interest, which later results in a regretted marriage. Not every Christian man is supposed to be your husband and not every Christian woman is supposed to be your wife, and yet a lot of Christians only base their standards on one thing; “Being a Christian.” While perfection is unachievable, I have standards and I refuse to lower regardless of the man, and yet so many Christians lower their standards to justify dating someone when they know the Lord would say otherwise.
“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
In the end, if you have to question it, if you have to justify it, and if you have to keep telling yourself that it’ll work out in the end, then it isn’t love, for love does not question itself and love never fails, so if it fails, it isn’t love. Furthermore, a lot of Christians date and marry people just to “change there season,” and if you are in a relationship for the sole purpose of “wanting to change your season,” you will later reap the marriage you have sown, for the intentions were selfish.
Marriage should not only be done in hopes of “ending a single season,” but it should be done by two people who are so in love with the Lord that they want to become one with each other as they love one another passionately and selflessly as Christ loves. However, when two people who are “tired of being single” marry, their marriage become sick for they viewed the single season, which is a time of growth, as “an illness” when in reality it is a blessing.
“There is a way that seems right to a man,
But its end is the way of death.” Proverbs 14:12
In the end, I don’t want to just date a man who will change my status, for the worst thing other than being single is wishing you had waited on the Lord, and what are you going to do when you are in a marriage that you pushed for due to being tired of being single? What will you tell the Lord when you see how badly you took for granted the single season when the honeymoon phase ends?
I refuse to have my heart repeatedly broken, for my heart only belongs to one man other than the Lord
In reality, whether one wants to believe it or not, your heart does not belong to every man, for boyfriends do not get husband privileges. To the ladies giving their hearts away to men whose intentions aren’t clear, if a man wanted to marry you, he would have done so already. Therefore, you need to let that man go in seek of guarding your heart for the man who will. A man who loves you won’t make you question it and he won’t make you guess, but he will be upfront, intentional, and honest with you due to knowing that your heart is worth more than rubies in the eye of God.
A lot of women settle for relationships and marriages due to thinking “this is all I can get,” but if we would trust the Lord, we would save ourselves a lot of heartache. Therefore, I refuse to get my heartbroken by every man that comes along, for in the end, intentions speak louder than words, and my heart belongs to one man other than the Lord, not every man who deems himself a Christian.
In the end, I am praying for my future husband, so why would I entertain a man who isn’t him?
I am actively pray for my future husband everyday; therefore, why would I entertain any person who isn’t him? While you might not know if a man is your future husband at first, you can both be intentional in a relationship in hopes of finding out if it’s the will of God while guarding your hearts at the same time. There may be times where we do get into relationships that later end due to incompatibility. However, if you both are intentional and set the boundaries in the beginning, then when the break up due to not being compatible happens, it won’t be as heartbreaking due to placing the will of God before your own.
Therefore, I am in prayer for my future husband, not another man, and I will be intentional in any relationship I have, for I don’t want to give my future husband a battered heart that refused to be guarded before ever entering a relationship with him.
“She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:12
In the end, I know that this is very counter-cultural, but I don’t believe in dating to date, but I believe in dating to marry. I believe my heart belongs to one man and one man alone other than the Lord, and that is my future husband. Not every man is worthy of your heart, and if the Lord thinks our hearts are worth more than rubies, then we need to be daughters of the King who know our worth.
Therefore, you are a daughter of a king, so walk like it, talk like it, dress like it, and wait for the godly man who will treat you like it, for he is the man the Lord will bring to you perfect in His timing, but in the meantime, you need to fall ever so in love with the Lord so that you can hear His voice when He speaks.