We live in an era of broken relationships, of “side chicks,” of jumping from person to person, and then people blame God for the outcome when God didn’t intend for us to be in the messes we find ourselves in, but rather than taking up personal responsibility, we blame God for our singleness as way of not owning up to our responsibility. However, God does not reward bad behavior, and if we think we can have a distant walk with Christ and still get married, we are sorely mistaken.
The lack of stability in relationships and marriage is the direct result of a lack of contentment in Christ and a lack of worth in Christ, for if someone truly had worth and solidarity in Christ, they wouldn’t be going from woman to woman or man to man in hopes that one of them happens to be “it,” for that is not how it works and never will work, for that is toxic.
However, in 2020, that is how it is. People jump from person to person hoping that love will find them, and yet with each one, they end up losing the spark, which leads them to the next person with the same result; a lack of what they wanted. Furthermore, many people are chasing “fleeting moments” rather than they are chasing Christ, which leads to them finding themselves in disappointments when things aren’t going their way.
This is where the cycle comes in, which consists of having a string of people in hopes that one of them will fill that missing piece in their lives that seems to never go away. However, no person will ever make you fully happy expect for Christ, and this is the problem in Christian dating that has caused Christians to have a higher divorce rater rather than those who aren’t Christians.
Until you surrender what you want while truly falling in love with God, you will constantly have a history of broken relationships, broken promises, and list people that you placed above God. Instead of seeking happiness in Christ, you sought happiness in a person who isn’t God, which is what leads to the demise of many, for anything you place above the Lord will always crumble and fall.
If you place a person above the Lord, the Lord will wreck it.
If you place a relationship status above the Lord, He will not bless it.
And if you demand to make your own plans while still wanting God to bless it, God will reject it.
““For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.”” Isaiah 55:8-9
We live in an era that says, “God I want to do things my way, but I still want you to bless my season,” and yet God doesn’t work that way, for God doesn’t work on how you feel or how you think. Though we desire marriage and to be loved, our thoughts are not His thoughts, and yet many people find themselves trying to buy their own happiness by having “side chicks” and “strings of relationships” in hopes that “one of them will give me what I want.”
Therefore, this is where the heated dating series on my blog begins, for we are going to be calling out the toxicity of Christian dating that is ruining Christian marriages due to the fact that they never sought Christ in singleness. This series is going to be both amazing, but also convicting, and today, we are beginning with Creator of love who we take advantage of; Jesus.
Until you are fully in love with Christ to the point of full surrender of what you want, what makes you think you can surrender yourself to your future spouse?
“But I will love my future spouse,” many Christians proclaim, but Jesus died for you on a cross, which is something your future spouse will never do, and yet you expect to love a spouse more than you do God? Many Christian singles are seeking God within a person, rather than God Himself. In the end, God is God, and you don’t need a husband or a wife to love God, for you can love Him now fully as a single Christian and be made fully satisfied. Therefore, many Christians choose to not fully serve God in their singleness, for they don’t view God as good in the season that they don’t like.
With that being said, single Christians tend to believe that they will be a better Christian when married, and yet they won’t, for becoming a “better Christian” is not subjected to your martial status, for if you cannot love Jesus and find happiness in Him as a single, you never will when married. Your spouse isn’t Jesus, nor do they have the power to change change you, and yet many think that their future spouse holds this power, when in reality, they are a fallen person just as you and I are.
Many people are refusing to let go of what they want for God, and yet that it is exactly what withheld 2 million Israelites from their blessing. They complained and disobeyed God, and many single Christians will end up dying single due to their inability to walk the wilderness alone with God while surrendering what they want for what He wants. If we want to marry, we must first walk alongside Him, and until then, we shouldn’t demand a season to change if we cannot even love Him personally and fully.
“but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.” John 4:14
Therefore,you will keep jumping from person to person if you aren’t content with Christ in singleness, and that void you feel will never be filled, it will never stop gnawing at you, and it will keep reminding you that is there, for it is your soul yearning for the love of Christ that fulfills us more than anyone else could.
Therefore, in order to love a spouse, you must first be able to be content with Christ while subjecting what you want to Him, and in order to love a spouse faithfully, you must first be willing to give up what you want for Him, for that is something you will have to do throughout marriage time and time again.
If you cannot love the Lord in full contentment in your singleness, then your future marriage will become just as dull as your singleness, for if you cannot love Him now, you will not love Him then.
It’s exciting when you have someone new, when you get married, and when you have many people saying “Goals,” but if you cannot be fully content in Jesus, your marriage season will become just as dull as your singleness was. You will then yearn for the next thing, you will begin to not appreciate your spouse, and you will begin to wonder if you made the right choice as the feelings of discontentment begin again.
There is a reason why Christians have a higher divorce rate rather than non-Christians, and it is due to this very reason; we look for God within a spouse and in the marriage season rather than in Him alone and in our current season.
We expect to be a loving spouse who will seek God with our spouses, and yet this is only possible if you first love Him on your own. If you are not able to fully declare the goodness of God even if you don’t ever get married, you will never be able to declare His faithfulness when you are married.
How do we expect God to bless a marriage if we couldn’t be faithful in our relationship with Him? We ask God to bless our plans, yet we don’t even give Him the time of day to love Him and seek Him like we should, which is why many view God as a genie in a bottle and nothing more. In the end, many people end up marrying the wrong person due to not realizing that the blessing of God was in front of them, for they were to blinded by their own wants and selfishness to see it.
Until you understand that you are fully known and fully loved by God, you will never find love in a person you are seeking, for you have missed it in the one who died on a cross for you so that you could be eternally loved and adored.
I find it rather shocking that we seek love in everything else rather than Christ, and yet we claim to love Him. However, love is more than words, but it is action. You can say you love someone, but if the action doesn’t match it, it is not truly love. Therefore, until you love the one who knows you better than anyone ever could, you will never find the love that you seek, for we do not know what love is outside of Christ, for outside of Him, we are nothing.
“Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will by no means pass away.” Matthew 24:35
The Lord is love; a love that will never fade away. You future marriage will end in death, but your relationship with the Lord never will, and yet we place our entire hopes into something that is not eternal, which is damaging to our souls. YES, marriage is a blessing, and I desire marriage and to be wife as this blog suggests, but though the Lord created marriage, He did no create it to become an idol, nor did He create it to become more important than Him.
I see many people, women and men, saying “I want love,” and yet love is looking at them in the eye, and it is Jesus. They seek for love in this person and then in that person only to find it breaking, for until you find love in Jesus, everything else with break. Like Job, the Lord will take everything that has your attention until He has your full attention. He will take every single thing that is more important than Him and crush it; therefore, don’t expect to ever find love in someone else if you cannot love the Lord as a single person.
If you view singleness as a curse, then you will never view marriage as a blessing.
If you view singleness as a sickness, then you will never view marriage as a treasure.
And if you view Jesus as only to be loved when married, you will never truly fall in love with a spouse, for your view of love is only a partial love that depends on your circumstances and feelings rather than on a true love that loves through the fire.
In the end, Christians don’t trust God in their singleness, for they view singleness as a sickness, and if two “sick” single Christians get married, their marriage will be sick. Therefore, find love in Christ before ever thinking of marriage, for this “shopping around” isn’t going to get you to the end of the aisle faster, nor is it reflecting the love of the Lord.
“A man’s heart plans his way,
But the Lord directs his steps.” Proverbs 16:9
Until we are able to fully surrender our wants while loving the Lord in our singleness, then we will never be able to love a spouse as He loved. Until we can love Him even without marriage, the “cycle” of broken relationships and list of people will continue until we die single and angry just like the 2 million Israelites did in terms of their blessing due to their own lack contentment in Christ, for though God directs our steps, He will never force them.
So the choice is yours, do you seek Christ in your singleness rather than jumping from person to person or do choose to lengthen your wilderness and potentially stop the blessing in your life due to your inability to surrender yourself to Him.
Only you can choose, but don’t blame God for the outcome of what you choose.
Part two coming soon.