It’s been awhile since I wrote on dating and marriage due to there being other topics on my heart that I yearned to write, but I am back to writing what I am known for, and today, I am speaking about a few things that are going to be convicting, but ever so needed in today’s day of single Christ women.
As a woman in her twenties who prays for marriage and the new season faithfully, I have learned a lot of things that I did not know when I was fifteen, and I want to share them with other women in hopes that single Christian women will find hope in the Lord and truth in His word during this season of singleness, which is not a cruse.
Singleness is not a curse, and until we view singleness as the ability to grow in the Lord in the wilderness one-on-one, He will never open that door to a future husband due to not being able to appreciate the singleness season.
I know that it might be cliche when someone says, “Singleness is a gift and you should enjoy it,” but it is a true. For far too long, women have deemed singleness as a curse that they would not wish on their worst enemy, but in the end, singleness isn’t as bad as what people make it out to bed, for God created it for a reason. With that being said, singleness is the beautiful opportunity for you to grow in the Lord during the wilderness before ever growing in a marriage with a man, for how can you love a man and be an encouragement if you cannot be faithful to the Lord who died for you?
If we are unable to view the single season as a blessing to grow in the Lord in the wilderness, then the Lord will not open that door to marriage, for He will not allow a man into our path if we cannot appreciate the Living Water int the desert. Instead of going from one relationship to another in seek of “ditching singleness,” find solace in God and grow in His Word, for you are not making your singleness any better by trying to tarnish it and change your status on a social media site.
“For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10
Instead of saying, “I hate being single” or “God I want to be a wife now,” become dedicated to the Lord, be deeply rooted in His truth, and begin to thrive in His glory now rather than later, for the biggest lie that is begin said by many women is that that will be a godly woman in marriage rather than being a godly woman now. Therefore, instead of waiting to do all of these things in marriage such as being a Proverbs 31 woman, a faithful woman, and so forth, be that kind of woman now to the Lord, for that’s who He created you to be, for you are not to serve man, woman, child, or organization, for you are to please the Lord your God alone, for He is the author for Salvation, not anyone else.
Therefore, while you could be growing in God, finding purpose in His grace, and being lavished in His strength and refuge, we have settled to view singleness as dull rather than a gift, and God will not reward such behavior if we cannot be thankful to Him in the now, for if you cannot declare God as good and faithful in the wilderness, then you will never be able to declare Him as good in the blessing.
Marriage will not instantly make you a flawless Proverbs 31 woman, for if you weren’t seeking Him before marriage, you won’t be seeking Him after marriage, and that will make a marriage crumble.
Again, I know this is difficult, but we must get to the root if we are going to truly talk about our future husbands, and in the end, while our future husbands are amazing and wonderful, we must not place them above Christ or have them flood our minds to the point where our walk with Christ is suffering. Anything that is placed above God will crumble and fall, which includes the idolization of marriage and future husbands.
“Keep your heart with all diligence,
For out of it spring the issues of life.” Proverbs 4:23
Too many times, women place their future husband upon a pedestal which they idolize, and once this cycle becomes ingrained into their hearts, their walk with Christ begins to become shaky, they become restless with where God currently has them, and they begin to slowly move away from the presence of the Lord and onto other things that will satisfy that restlessness in their souls. While God did create marriage as a beautiful union, we should not worship the creation that He created such as marriage, but we should worship the Creator.
Therefore, if you think that you will wake up a godly woman after the day of your wedding, you won’t, and so many marriages crumble because of this reason. One person in the marriage is carrying all of the spiritual weight while the other one is lacking due to not having a rooted foundation in Christ before marriage.
If you were a narcissistic woman before marriage, then you will become a narcissistic woman in marriage.
If you were not a content woman before marriage, then you will not be a content woman in marriage,
If you were not close to the Lord before marriage, then how can one be close to the Lord after marriage?
In the end, marriage does not have the power to instantly make you transform you into a godly woman, for only God has the power to transform you. Therefore, we have placed marriage upon a pedestal on which it should not be, and due to this happening, we have seen less women falling in love with Jesus, and more women become upset that the Lord has held back the marriage season due to this very reason.
“but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.”” John 14:14
Furthermore, grow in God now, for if you cannot grow in Him now, you will not do it when married. What you are now will echo ten times in marriage, which is why you should be cautious when dating, for if you aren’t dating for marriage, then don’t date at all. In the meantime, become a deeply rooted woman in Christ before marriage, become a woman of the Word before marriage, become so lost in God that you place all things into His hands, for in Him, all hope is found, for you shouldn’t wait until “this door opens’ to be a God fearing woman, but you should be a God fearing woman now due to the Lord redeeming your soul.
You aren’t the only one who is expecting your future husband to be a godly man, for he is also praying the same thing about you
Along with my previous thought, godly expectations go both ways when it comes to dating, and it would be quite callous of us to think that a godly man wouldn’t have standards while we can have them. While we live in a society that says that men cannot have thoughts or “standards,” in reality, men can have standards, for if we want a godly husband, they want a godly wife, and if we want a devoted husband who loves the Lord, then they want a devoted wife who loves the Lord also.
“Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24
We cannot expect a husband to pull the entire weight in a marriage; therefore, pull back from thinking only about him, and ask yourself if you are in love with the one who died for you, for if you aren’t, then how can you ever love a man who will get down on one knee for you? However don’t be a godly woman just for a husband, for that is the wrong motive due to God being the one who is worthy of all glory and praise, but if we do speak on marriage and our desire, we must keep in mind that godly expectations are not a one way street, but they go both ways.
In the end, it boils down to one thing; would you still love the Lord even if your future husband didn’t come around?
I won’t lie, this one is a little scary for me as a human woman who wants to get married, but we must ask it, for it is true regardless of how we might feel. Will you still declare the Lord as faithful and good even if your season does not change? Will you still declare Him as a Holy and Just God even if the sea isn’t split in your life, and will you still love Him as much as you say even if we aren’t given what you want?
“Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“Therefore I hope in Him!”” Lamentations 3:22-24
In the end, this is where the truth test of faith lies; the ability to declare His goodness even in the disappointments of life or odd circumstances. It is always easy to declare God’s faithfulness in happiness and joy, but what about in sorrow, grief, and the unknown? Will we be able to declare Him as good then, or will we be like the Israelites and yell, “God where are you” as they wandered in the wilderness for forty years?
My dear friend, I understand your desire to get married, for I want to get married too, but we must be honest with ourselves and with the Word of God. We cannot expect the Lord to bless us if we aren’t continuously falling in love with Him first, and we cannot expect to be godly women in marriage if we aren’t willing to be godly to the Lord who is worthy of our respect. In the end, marriage is beautiful and a precious gift made by the Lord, but it should not be abused, taken for granted, or rushed, for anything that is rushed will end up ruined.
To the woman who wants her future husband to arrive, fall in love with the Lord, for a man already loved you on a cross, and His name was Jesus, and while that seems cliche to say, it is filled with so much truth. If you cannot love the man who was betrayed, mocked, beaten, and hung in a cross for you, then you will never be able to love the man who will get down on one knee for you.
So fall in love with the one who didn’t have to love us, yet did anyways due to wanting to make a way so that we could have eternal life.