I am unsure if you are aware of it, but for the past few days there has been a stir about “The Bachelor” and one of the contestants, Madi, who is making a firm stand about waiting for marriage, and it has caused some backlash, some insults, and of course, Hookup Culture to explode. Many people are saying she is “stuck in olden days” and then others like me are happy that someone is finally gong against the grain by saying, “No, I am waiting for marriage,” for there is nothing wrong about waiting.
As a virgin, it is refreshing to see a fellow single person having the same stance, for virginity is something that has been viewed as wrong in our society. Sadly, it is okay, to be involved in Hookup Culture, and yet it is considered wrong to be a virgin who is waiting.
If you are like me and are waiting for marriage, then you know that is is very rare when we come across others who think like us, and the first thing we are often countered with is the people who think we are wanting to be better than others, and that is not true. However, due to out current society of Hookup Culture, people don’t really know why we wait for marriage, which is why people were shocked to see a virgin woman tell someone, “No, I am waiting for marriage.’
I am going to be honest as I always try to be, I am a virgin and I’ve also never had a boyfriend, which I’ve also made note of, and I have gotten a lot of comments about my virginity and singleness. At my age, you’d think that a woman would have at least a boyfriend by now, but that isn’t my case, and I am also very firm in waiting until marriage; therefore, I understand the backlash, and I also understand the courage it had to of taken this girl to make such a bold statement knowing that the entire world would see it.
Talk about courage.
However, a lot of people are wondering why she is waiting for marriage, for a lot of people think it is a taboo thing to be doing, and while I cannot speak for her and why she is waiting, I thought I’d answer that question in a personal way due to being asked it more times than I can count; “Why are you waiting for marriage?” Well, here’s why I am.
As mentioned, I am quite brave and brazen to admit that I am a virgin to the entire internet, but I am also more brazen to admit that I’ve never had a boyfriend in my twenty something years of living, for what woman would admit something like that? Correction, what person would ever admit something so embarrassing? In my eyes, I don’t care if never dated a lot or never had a boyfriend yet, nor do I care about the Hookup Culture we live in, for I understand that I am going to be one man’s wife, so why worry about having a long line of ex-boyfriends?
I am an intentional woman anyway, and I am wanting to get married now, so I am interested in playing around with Hookup Culture or the dump and date over and over again type thing, but what about sex and virginity? Well, that’s a deep little topic goes even further.
If you’ve been reading my blog, then you know that the age of 15 was a very transforming year for me in my life, for it was the year where I first realized that I would be a man’s wife one day. As I was sitting in my morning Spanish class at the Christian school I was at, it hit me in that room out of nowhere; “I am going to be a man’s wife.”
Now, in the back of my mind since I accepted Christ, I knew I’d wait for marriage, but the seriousness of waiting for marriage hit me at this time, and as cliche as it sounds, when I was sixteen, I secretly bought a purity ring as a constant reminder that there is a man who will be my future husband who I am waiting for,,
Now, I know that purity rings are very overused and maybe even a little pushy, but for me, it isn’t a pushy symbol of me being better, but it is a gentle reminder that I have in my heart to wait, and; therefore, my purity ring isn’t some random declaration of my virginity in a gym filed with a lot of people, but I made this promise in my room one day with the Lord.
“But why wait? It is 2020, Christina. Why wait for a man who might not even be waiting for you?” You see, that’s where we have become selfish. “Why do this if he isn’t doing this for me” or “Why do this if so and so won’t do this for me.” That mentality is very lethal, and virginity isn’t about me gaining, but it is about me being selfless.
Me waiting until marriage is not for me to make a statement that I am better than anyone else, but it is me loving my future husband like Christ loved us. As Christ was begging God to take away the cup He was about to drink, He knew He had to deny what He wanted due what He knew had to be done, and if Christ can love me enough to lay down His life for me, then I want to love my future husband in a similar way, and so I do deny what I want for that man.
I don’t want some typical marriage, but I want a marriage where Christ is reflected and where He is glorified, for marriage is a reflection of Christ’s love for the church. As Christians we are His bride, and if you were to read Song of Solomon, you might blush for the first time, but that is how He feels about us; His bride. Therefore, marriage is a reflection of Him and His love for us; therefore, I am laying myself and my desires down for my future husband, for he is worth it and I love him dearly.
My future husband is worth waiting for, for Christ viewed Him as worth dying fir.
My future husband is worth denying myself for, for he will be the man who will walk with me closer to Christ.
My future husband is worth me saying “No” to Hookup Culture, for I know he is a man who is going to be worth that wait,
And my future husband is worth waiting for, for he is going to love me like Christ, and that is worth it.
“and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.” Mark 10:8
In the end, why I am waiting for marriage is so much more than what people might think, for I am waiting for marriage due wanting to become one with a man who will love me deeper than sex. I want to become one with a man who will love my soul, whose love for me goes past the surface, and whose love for me is rooted in Christ; that’s why I am waiting.
I am waiting for my future husband, for I know he will love me through the lens of grace, not through the lens of Hookup Culture, and that is the man I want to become one with as we walk this path as one rather than alone. Sure, sex is beautiful, but it isn’t the entirety of love.
Love is so much more than sex, and I know that is odd coming from a virginal woman, but there is so much more than that, and I am waiting for my future husband, for I want a true love that loves like Christ, that denies ourselves like Christ, that makes us be selfless like Christ, and that makes us go through the fire for each other like Christ did with Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego
We live in a time where people think sex is meaningless, but it is anything but meaningless, and this is where we see so many emotional problems in relationships, emotional distress, and broken hearts, for we have made something so scared as “nothing,” but though it something that should be valued and considered precious, it isn’t the glue to a marriage.
I don’t want a man to marry me for sex, and that might be very counter-cultural, but I don’t want a man to marry me for that, but I want a man to marry me due to wanting me to walk with him in Christ, due to wanting me to be the one who goes through the fire with him, and due to wanting me to be the one who goes through the storm with him while encouraging him gently. Therefore, I am waiting for marriage, for I want to become one with the man who will not be married to me for the physical, but who will be married to me for the soul; the heart of which will lead him closer to Jesus.
The thing about waiting for marriage ins’t about the sex, but it’s about becoming one with the soul. However, a lot of people think that those who are waiting for marriage are nuns or munks who never have sexual desires, and that is not true at all, but again, we deny our desires for the greater good, and in my case it’s for my future husband, not for me.
It’s not about me; it never was. My choosing to be a virgin until marriage has less to do with me and more to do with the man I will marry, for in the end, I simply believe he is worth it. I believe he is worth denying myself for, for if he will view me as worth getting down on one knee for, then I will view him as worth waiting for.
Waiting is never wasted, and I don’t view sex as “meaningless,” but I view it as something that is precious and that can cause serious emotional damage if viewed lightly, which is what we see in our current society; breakdowns, mental distress, anger, and then we have people who go off the deep end. It is truly heartbreaking to see, but it is all due to Hookup Culture making something “meaningless” out of something scared.
I am waiting for my future husband who will love me like Christ
I am waiting for my future husband who will lead me to Christ before ever leading me to a bedroom,
I am waiting for future husband who will marry me for my soul rather than for sex,
And I am waiting for my future husband who will become one with me, but who will be more concerned about walking together to the throne of grace.
That is why I am waiting, for while a woman can have any man as a husband, I want the man who will love me for more than sex, who will care more about my walk with Christ, and who will truly want to walk this narrow and tedious road as one.
One day, the wait will be worth it, the remarks will be worth it, and the endless people who say “You’re actually a virgin” will be worth it, for my future husband and I will be able to look back and see that we waited, and that is something that’s worth waiting for.
“Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing.” ` Thessalonians 5:11
My future husband might just be another man to other people, but to me, he is the man who will lead me to Christ, who will love me like Christ,who will walk this path with me, and who will one day be the father of our future children; however, I am going to be his wife; the woman who will lead him to Christ, who will love him like Christ, who will walk this path with him, and who will one day be the future mother of his children, and so I am waiting for him, for waiting is never wasted.
Therefore, I commend any woman, or person, who makes a stand for waiting for marriage, for I understand how much courage it had to take, and so to the many people who ask, ‘Why wait,” I am also a woman who is waiting for marriage, and this is why. I am waiting for my future husband, for I want to become one with the man who will love me for my soul, and I want to become one with the man who will love me for more than just sex, but who will love me like Christ, and that is worth waiting for.
Again, waiting is never wasted, and no matter how many people say it is, one day as I am walking down the aisle at my future husband in the pink tie that has many tearful prayers behind it, I will think, “The long wait was worth it, and I don’t regret it one bit.”