A Christian’s Response to Same-Sex Attraction & “Burned Bridges”

For the past week, I have been greeted with the opinions of a lot of people about this topic, for it has been a topic of discussion to say the least, and as you can see by the title, yes, we are going back to the topic of same-sex attraction, for quite honestly it’s been a topic of conversation due what has occurred five days ago. (I didn’t really know what to title this, so I went with a similar title to this post that I wrote October due to it flowing nicely together, so you can read that if you feel like it.)

I wrote this post last night, but waited to schedule it to post right at 8 am due to being too busy with Kindergarten to look at my phone to see any responses or whatnot, but this has been on my heart for the past few days, for I have gotten several opinions on this from various people when speaking about it, and I realized that there is a 50/50 opinion on this topic.

Sometimes I wonder, “Do I want to write this,” for there are many conversations that come up in my life that spark this kind of post. Believe me, I hear it all, but I never had the guts to post until months ago, and even then, it seems like we aren’t willing to have this dialogue.

So enjoy today’s post that was supposed to be last night’s, but I am posting it early morning so I don’t see what’s happening yet.

Five days ago, one of my brother’s friends from his old seminary school randomly out of nowhere messaged me asking me out by saying he was best friends with my brother, that he went to the same school, and that he past wanted to take me out, and when I got that message, I didn’t know what to do, think, or say. 

Guess who didn’t reply for 4 days due to not knowing how to reply to someone you haven’t spoken too in three years?

Me.

Guess who replied with a nice and kind refusal around 4 days later?

Me.

Guess who received a short and hostile message back and was blocked instantly last night?

Also me.

When I tried to reply to make the blow a little less harsh, it wouldn’t send, and then that’s when I realized I was blocked. To be honest, I never get asked out, so for four days, I was sitting here thinking, “The first time I am asked out is also the time I have to say “no” and I did say “no” in a very nice and lady-like way that was sweet. I told him he would find a woman that was for him, but I wasn’t that woman, but did I still get blocked? Yes.

However, the main reason I did not reply for so long was due to my brother, and it brought back so many memories, and judging by the title you are probably wondering, “What on earth does this guy have to do with the topic at hand?”

Well, there are a few reasons I turned this guy down. One of them was due to simply not being interested, but then the main reason was due to what he did to my brother, and while I do not hold grudges due to Christ not holding one against us, I cannot, with good conscience, date someone who has done what this guy did to a family member of mine.

As mentioned, this guy went to my brother’s seminary school back in 2016 in a far off state in a town with a low population; therefore, everyone knew everyone, especially my brother. My brother was the fairly known guy, the one who bought everyone food, the man who was the “life of the party,” the guy who was everywhere, and when you wondered where he was, all you had to do was log into Facebook and see.

However, it all came crash down one day when my brother was outed due to something occurring, and when my brother owned up to it and said, “Yes, I am gay,” this caused a lot of loudness to stir. Due to this school being really small, word got around, rumors began to spread from the word getting around, and my brother lost many friends and his girlfriend due to the rumors and loudness.

Within the loudness and the rumors circulating out of control, my brother was condemned, was called slurs that I am not going to repeat, and was then walked away from while bridges were being burned due to what occurred that his girlfriend found out about.

However, back to the guy who blocked me, I didn’t know what to say, for I was mentally being sent back to 2016 where not one person consoled my brother and told him, ‘Jesus is worth it and died for you too.”

Not one person reached out.

And I say that with a lot of shame; shame that not one person who knew my brother loved him enough to be there, for they only cared about going along with the loudness by screaming at him, for when one person does something, it seems as if everyone else does the same thing.

My brother might not want Jesus personally and he might have walked away, but this reminds me greatly that there are many Christians who are terrified to come out or open up due to fear of losing their marriages, their jobs, their church families, or anyone, and that is wrong, which is what leads me to today’s post that has been burning on my heart, for I have been faced with two different opinions.

Some people people agree with me and then other’s do not, and I have received different responses, different advice, different views on this guy, and quite honestly, I think the church has it a little twisted due to not understanding. We instantly think that Christians who are battling same-sex attraction are “dirty people,” and really they are not. Same-sex attraction is not a sin in itself, and yet we have made it a sin by our own accord. The Lord never said that same-sex attraction was a sin, but He did mention that all sexual brokenness, no matter what it may be, needs to be surrendered to His feet; therefore, we are all called to lay down ourselves down for His kingdom; not some of us, but all of us.

“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:23

We are all sexually broken, and yet we place certain people in a category they do not belong in. Their attraction is no different than yours or mine, for we are all called to subject who we are to the gospel; not just them. We are all called to live in purity of heart, we are all called to live by faith, and we are all called to pick up our cross, and yet we scorn these Christians when they are honest with their battles.

This is where loudness and chaos occurs.

In the end, there is a difference in attraction and in activity, and just because you are attracted to someone does not mean it always sexual, and yet we have made every little thing we do based on sex, which is mainly the fault of Hookup Culture as well as other things. We look at these Christians and think they are “time bombs” who cannot control themselves, and yet they can with Christ’s strength, but this is the reason people are so quick to scream, for people think wrongly before understanding. 

We need to learn that these Christians deserve to be heard, for if we can be open with other Christians about our struggles, then we should allow them to be honest and vulnerable about theirs as well; not hidden due to fear. Yes, their struggle is different, but it does not make them any less loved or valued in the eyes of God. (This is where we need to do less talking and more listening.)

Though I was never interested in my brother’s friend due to obvious reasons that are now out there, it reaffirms how I want to be married to a man who will be tender, soft, and gentle, for we all struggle as Christians, for our hearts and flesh will fail daily. I want to be married to a man who isn’t quick to burn bridges, but who is breathing in Jesus and exhaling grace while being a light on a hill that can be seen.

Don’t get me wrong, I have no grudge against that guy and I wish him well, but when it comes to a husband, I don’t want a man with a pitchfork who will look at my brother and be loud to him, but I want the man who will look at my brother and still see that Jesus still died for him and that my brother can still choose that precious narrow path.

A year ago, I wrote down a quote by John Piper in my journal, and I went through it to find it, and he said, “Date someone who will charge the gates of hell beside you. Look for someone ready to lose everything to gain Christ,” and I could not agree more with John, for I want to be married to someone who will not fight against me, but who will be by my side through thick and thin, and this quote means everything to me and more.

I want my marriage to have that motto of charging the gates of hell together, not against each other, and I want a marriage where my future husband and I are willing to risk everything for Christ, but most importantly, I want a marriage where we are able to love each other and still be by each other’s side even in the most uncomfortable situations, struggles, battles, sicknesses, sins, waves, storms, trials, uphill battles, dark valleys, and whatever may come our way.

“A soft answer turns away wrath,
But a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1

When all is said and done, we are all struggling with something; every single one of us whether one is more open about it than another. We must all realize that as Christians, we are each covered by the blood of Jesus, and each of us have to lay ourselves down for the Lord, for our flesh and hearts fail, but His steadfast love keeps us afloat, so instead of picking up pitchforks, placing people in boxes, and being loud and harsh, may we be a light, a gentle voice, and a listening ear, for a soft answer turns away wrath, not a loud one. 

I do pray that my brother’s past friend one day realizes that the right thing to do is to show why Jesus is worth denying ourselves for rather than choosing loudness, for we should be willing to charge the gates of hell together while being willing to lose it all for Christ hand in hand rather than person against person, for if Jesus did not burn a bridge to us when He had the right to do so, then who are we to burn a bridge to anyone else when we should be a light so that they see why Jesus is worth losing everything for?

2 thoughts on “A Christian’s Response to Same-Sex Attraction & “Burned Bridges”

  1. Jesus taught us to speak the truth in love, to hate the sin, but love the sinner. None of this can be accomplished without abiding in the love of God which is demonstrayed by Jesus Christ, the son. We all have sin, but not all practice that sin. The Word tells us to come out from among the and be cleansed. I’m sorry if people’s fear and legalism hurt your brother. We all need revelation of God’s love and to walk in it!

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  2. It’s been two weeks since you posted this and I am finally ready to reply. First, I may well be misunderstanding some things (I will speak to that at the end). However, I have some thoughts and some questions that I hope will provoke some further thinking on your part.

    One confusion is your brother saying he is “gay”. I will agree that same-sex attraction and homosexual behavior are separate, but reading between the lines, it seems that your brother acted on his attraction.

    My guess is that his girlfriend heard about this (perhaps directly from him but it’s not clear in what you wrote) and decided to end their relationship. Depending on her reasons, that may have been the most Christian response on her part. If he did not tell her about it and perhaps even tried to hide it from her, then I would say he was guilty of lying. Implicitly but still guilty and I consider that quite reprehensible, no matter how other people behaved about it when he was “outed”.

    Are you certain that no one reached out to your brother? Perhaps not. But I wonder and think you should wonder, too.

    “My brother might not want Jesus personally and he might have walked away…” Might? Does he currently reject Christ or not? If he’s in a gay marriage and he recognizes this to be sin for a Christian, then there is no doubt that he has walked away. Please be honest with what you write, even when you don’t like the truth. Avoiding honesty is not loving him and not loving God.

    “We are all sexually broken,….” I am bothered by your insistence on this being an absolute. I agree that we are all sinners, and a great many are sexually broken, but I don’t think this is true of everyone.

    “Their attraction is no different than yours or mine….” No, that’s not true. Yes, the temptation of sexual sin exists for both same-sex and opposite-sex attraction but it’s not the same.

    I very much agree that the church generally often fails to help the broken. However, the broken have to recognize they need help and then be willing to accept help. Did your brother reach out for help? I would guess he did not. Did you encourage him to get help? Other Christian family or friends?

    As to the thought I promised earlier, I hope you won’t be offended but here it is: I find your blog posts to be rather stream-of-consciousness. As such, you have a tendency to repeat yourself. And also to lack a logical structure that one would have in an essay. If you don’t proofread/edit before posting, I suggest you do so.

    Lastly, I don’t think I need to establish my street cred, but I do know a Christian man who has had same-sex attraction and acted out on it including during his marriage. I know that his church leaders worked to help him and his marriage extensively. The marriage has now lasted longer than mine did. His wife’s response overall was to consider this to be their problem, not his problem. I think that is one of the attitudes you believe is important in marriage.

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