I meant to publish this post yesterday, and I normally do post on Thursdays, but I have been really busy yesterday and today with my family, and so I am quite sorry that this post is a day late.
Anyway, Happy Valentine’s Day season, and as a single woman, I have read all the Valentine’s Day cards due to going grocery shopping the other day, and might I say, there are some cute cards this year, but I am going to be very honest, I have a few valentines that I plan to post this year, and they are pretty good if I have to say so myself. I am quite a lover of cheesy jokes, dad jokes, and puns, and so of course, my valentine’s are going to be around that realm; especially politically.
I mean, to give a sneak peak of Valentine’s Day 2020 in the card department, we are going to throw it back with an old Valentine, but still a funny one.
However, other than the funny valentines that I love to overshare, I have been single my entire life, and I am becoming more open in admitting that information the more I share it. I have never had a boyfriend, I have never been on an official first date, and I have never dated, but I am an intentional woman, and I want to get married now, I want to have children now, and so I want to be with a man who wants the same things.
However, I keep seeing the same posts over and over on the social spheres, and there is nothing wrong with it. Many people post about their special person, but I haven’t seen anything from singles, and I get it. What can we say in a sea of “I love you” posts from all of our friends, but I am switching the narrative and really wanting to get a message out that I have been passionate for a long time.
A lot of single, Christian women write posts about finding the “perfect guy,” but I don’t ask the Lord for that. I don’t care about changing a man, I don’t care about perfection, and I think is really wrong to define a person, for the thing that should define a person is the Lord and grace, but we live in a world where we want to change people rather than viewing them how God views them, and if the Lord wants us to walk humbly to the throne, then I want to love my future husband in his humbled state as well.
I don’t talk much about my future husband’s tie, but I thought I’d speak more on it, for that tie is so much more than just tie, but it is a tie where when I look at it, I choose to love my future husband no matter what he has done and no matter what might have happened. Though it is just a tie that lays on my nightstand, one day it will go from being on my nightstand to being on the man I will marry; the man I will promise and vow to never walk away from even during the darkest moments.
“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:23
However, with the Valentine’s Day season, I feel as if many women forget that marriage isn’t always a fairytale, for our future husbands will fail us, for if my future husband can falls short of the glory of God, then I know for a fact that he will fail me. It would be very wrong of me to demand perfection from my future husband when he cannot offer perfection to the Lord; therefore, I will never demand a standard on my future husband that I know he will fail at, for as a future wife, I am to uptight him, not intentionally knock him down.
The truth is, is that my future husband is a sinner like I am, he’s a man who does not deserve grace, he is a man who has sinned a lot, and he is a man who will fail me when married. My future husband has been in the darkest, my future husband had to humble himself before the throne, an my future husband isn’t a man who rises to perfection, for that man was born into sin, he is flawed, but though he is flawed, he is ever so loved by a perfect God who died for him
Therefore, there will be moments where I will have to choose to love my future husband, and there will be moments where he is in warfare where I must be willing to get into the suffering and pray with him. There will also be moments where the waves will be so threatening, that we must both choose to walk the narrow path together without letting go, for we both are humans, and as humans, we fail.
There will be happy moments in marriage, and I am not saying marriage is bad by any means, but I do know that waves of suffering will happen to my future husband, and so I am not going to act as if my future marriage will be all sunshine and daisies all the time for it won’t be.
Instead of focusing on changing my future husband into being who “I want him to be,” I am going to love him for the man who humbly fell at the feet of the Lord while grasping for grace, for that is the true depiction of love; a love that reaches into the darkest and exhales grace, and that is the love behind the tie. When I bought my future husband’s wedding tie, I didn’t think, “Prince Charming,” Instead, I envisioned a man who was unworthy, a man who I would be chosen to love even with the wear and tear, and the Lord is going to entrust me with a part of my future husband’s heart, and I don’t want to let that part break.
Therefore, Every morning I wake up to every night when I go to sleep, I pray for my future husband and that he never forgets that he is loved by a God who stepped down from His throne to suffer so that his suffering would not be eternal, I pray everyday that my future husband is safe, that his heart is continues to seek the Lord, and I also pray that the Lord tenders my heart into being the wife he needs me to be rather than “praying for a perfect man.”
Valentine’s Day reminds me of the man I will marry one day; the man who will physically be wearing the tie that I have prayed over. Every Valentine’s Day season I cannot help but wonder if the Christian woman’s idea of wanting a perfect man makes him feel intimated, for if I had to be honest, it even intimates me. The idea of so many women creating a long “check list” for a husband as if they were going grocery shopping can be quite daunting, and if it is daunting to me, I can only image my future husband’s thoughts on that.
In the end, I am going to be very honest, when I bought my future husband’s wedding tie, I knew the kind of man I wanted; a man who many Christian women would think of never write about.
I want my future husband to not be afraid to fail, for when he fails, I will learn how to be like Christ and pick him up and forgive him.
I want my future husband to not meet all the conditions, for a man who doesn’t meet all the conditions will teach me how to love unconditionally like Christ does.
I want my future husband to challenge me to run into the fire and suffer with him, for Christ did that for us, and if we want to truly reflect Christ, we must not only love each other during the good and the pretty, but we must also love each other during the bad and the ugly.
I do not want a perfect Christian husband who will never do me wrong, for where is the grace? What would a perfect man teach me about forgiving like Christ, loving like Christ, going into the darkest like Christ, and exhaling grace like Christ, and yet so many women want that; they want men who won’t make them grow into grace breathing women who will reflect the Lord.
“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8
In the end, a perfect Christian marriage does not reflect the glory of the Lord, but an imperfect marriage where Christ is the foundation does, for grace, mercy, and love is being breathed each day, and that is what Christ did to us. Marriage is not one Christian finding a perfect Christian, but marriage is two people who have fallen short of the glory of God getting married and doing what Christ did to us; loving us in the darkest.
That is marriage, and yet we have so many “christian dating books” telling us to find men who don’t struggle, who don’t suffer, or who are perfect, and that is not the right advice, for if a man never struggled, he’d never know how to find strength in Christ. If a man never suffered, he’d never know how much grace sustains us, and if a man was perfect, he’d never understand the need of grace.
And the pink tie is not just me saying, “I prayed for you,” but it is a reminder to my future husband that a woman has loved him during every dark moment he has ever had, so that tie is a reminder of him, his walk with the Lord, and my devotion as a future wife. One day, I will be walking down the aisle tot he man who is wearing the tie that I looked at each day, and the tie that will be around his neck will be filled with tearful and heartfelt prayers of me praying for him, and the tie will let him know that there is a person who loved him in those dark moments; the Lord and then me.
The man who will wear that pink isn’t perfect. No, he’s flawed as flawed can be, he has walked the wilderness as I have, he will have gone through many things before me, and he has seen the valleys, and so forth during those many years I have prayed for him. If I expected the man behind the tie to be a perfect man, then that tie will never leave my nightstand, but the nightstand isn’t where that tie belongs; it belongs to my future husband.
That tie is not mine and it never was mine, and that’s the entire point of it. The tie is a reminder for me to selflessly pray for my husband, to selflessly love him even if he is in the darkest, and it is a reminder that marriage isn’t about me, but it is about selflessly loving the man who will find me worthy of getting down on one knee for.
“Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11
I have something on my nightstand that doesn’t involve me, but it completely involves my future husband. That tie is his and his alone, and as I wake up to when I go to sleep, it requires me to selflessly think of him, it requires me to look at myself and say, “Am I going to be the wife who will truly love my future husband who is flawed,” and it requires me to realize every single day that the man who will be the wearer of the tie is praying for a woman who will uplift and encourage and who will not knock him down.
Sure, my future husband probably could have bought his own pink tie one day, but it is so much more than a pink tie, but it is a tie that had requires me to selflessly love him as he was before I will ever say “yes” to marrying him one day, and he might of been able to wear a random pink tie, but the difference between a random tie and the tie on my nightstand is that my tie shows the many nights an mornings where I went before the Lord over my future husband.
My future husband might not ever be able to fully understand all of the nights and mornings of prayers that the Lord has heard, but the tie is so much more than a tie, but it is a constant reminder to be a woman who will go before the Lord in prayer for him regardless of who he was or who he wasn’t, and that is grace, that is love, and though Valentine’s Day is about the perfect love, I don’t want that perfect love, but I want the love that requires me to humble myself and be like Christ, even in the tough moments.