As of right now, I am currently wrapping up another journal of future husband letters, for I only have 20 pages left in this journal, which means I am on the hunt for a new journal to write letters in. As a single woman, I often do wonder, “How many more letters will I write” or “How many more letters between the last letter and I?” I normally think about what I would write in my last future husband letter, and I do have many ideas.
It will be attached to the tie that I will give him the night before our wedding, and then after our wedding, I will be giving him a box filled with journals and letters that have written to him since I was a small, little 15 year old girl. Sometimes I wonder how my future husband will react when he psychically sees all the letters titled “dear future husband,” and I often do wonder if he will read them all, but what I do know is that I have written my to future husband letters for many years, and I will keep writing until the night before our wedding day.
Due to almost begin finished with a journal full of letters, I decided to read all of my letters from beginning to end, and it was a journey. Were there cringe-worthy letters that I wish I could rip out? Yes, and where there letters where I wondered if my future husband would think I was insane? Yes, there were, but I won’t ever think of ripping them out, for it will show my future husband who I was throughout the years.
However, my best friend asked me once, “Do you ever think he isn’t real,” and her question that many ask about their future spouses, and in the past, I used to be afraid that he wasn’t. Due to never having a boyfriend at all and still being as single as can be, I use used wonder if I was writing letters to no one, but deep down, I do believe that there is a recipient to my letters, I do believe there is a man who will be reading these letters, and I know that one day, these letters will go from me to him where he will be able to read them all from front to back.
When I hand my future husband my letters I have written for many years, he’s going to be starting with the 15 year old girl I was way back when I began writing. Back when I was 15, I was walking through a store one day, and I found a journal that said, “Love” on it, which I then bought it due to wanting a new journal, but I didn’t now what to write. For the entire day I wondered, “what do I write,” and then on that winter night, I said, “I am going to write letters to my future husband” as a I jumped up from where I was sitting and grabbed a pen.
My first letter to my future husband was a prayer for the Lord to protect him, and then my second letter was me asking my future husband to “please like me,” which is very typical for that age, but that’s the woman he will begin with. My future husband will be beginning with her; the one who wrote letters in her little bedroom as a small high school freshman all the way up to the woman who is in her twenties and is still writing.
Mt future husband will learn who I was every single year up until who I am now, and he’ll be able to see how my perception of him matured, how I grew in Christ, how I became the woman I am now, and he’ll see that growth from 15 up into my twenties that I am in now; that’s what he’ll see with each letter. However, most importantly, he will see the growth of the woman who is to be his wife, for I have been writing to that man for so long, that he’ll see that change.
“Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:10-12
I went from writing about wanting a tall man at 15 to writing about wanting to love like Christ, and then I went from written about hoping he liked me to hoping I can be a devoted wife through all seasons, trials, and ware fare. When I read a letter from 15 year old me to a letter I write now in my twenties, I see the difference, and so I will not be ripping out the “cringey letters that make me regret being a 15 year old girl,” for it shows my growth into becoming his future wife.
“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8
Sure, the letters form 15 are expected to be cringey, but the main purpose of my letters has always been the same; to show him that I loved him even on his worst days. Through the many years I have written to my future husband, I know he’s had some really bad days, seasons, trials, and so forth, and that’s what I have place the date in each and ever letter so that he can look back and think about that day.
If he failed horribly on “this day,” he can see that his future wife wrote about how much she loved him even on his worst day. If he failed God on “that day,” then he’ll be able to see that his future wife prayed for him on that day as well, and if he felt worthless an unworthy of love, he will see years worth of letters from a woman who wanted to be his wife for so long that she dedicated her time to writing letters for him.
Thar’s my purpose, for when we have bad days, we sometimes forget the good. We forget that Christ suffered so that our suffering did not have to be eternal, and when we fail, fall, stumble, and go through the seasons that are filled with sorrow, we forget the bigger picture, and I want to remind my future husband of Christ, of the love of Him, and of my love to him too.
When my future husband had a bad day on “this day.” he will read about how I prayed how I could be his wife one day. When he felt unworthy on another day, he will read about how how I prayed for the Lord to show him grace and to also find me worthy to be his future wife, and that’s my letters; years worth of praying to the Lord for me to be my future husband’s wife one day who will encourage him in the Lord.
For many the years I have written to my future husband, for he has been living, going through seasons, going through life, and during each of those times, I have been writing to him, praying for him, and writing heartfelt letters to him, and not once did I ever write a letter of doubt, not once did I ever write a letter putting him down, and not once did I ever focus on the bad or the darkest, but I focused on the cross before us, for in Christ, true love is found, and in Christ grace, redemption, mercy, and hope reign.
And here we are now; at the end of another journal filled with prayers, love, encouragement, and whatever else my heart has written to my future husband. 300 pages of heartfelt words, 300 pages of letters where I poured out my heart, and 300 pages of prayers for him by going humbly before the throne over his life, heart, safety, and walk with the Lord; that is what these letters contain.
“Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:16
Sometimes I worry if the Lord gets tired of me constantly going before the throne over my future husband, for each day I pray for him in a new way, for I make that a habit, for when I am married, it has just begun. So many women focus only on the wedding day, but the wedding day is just the beginning, and then the real marriage begins, and I want to begin by going before the throne for him now, for when I am married, I will have to do that daily.
When married, my future husband and I will have times of drought, times where things aren’t going right, and there are going to be times where my future husband is struggling and going through the darkest, and I have to be by his side by going before the throne for him in selfless prayer, for marriage isn’t always a perfect fairy tale, for if we can fall before the Lord daily, then we can most definitely fail each other; therefore, these letters aren’t just a cute gesture, but it’s a gesture that shows I have loved my future husband through his seasons as I have been writing for many years, and then it also shows my promises to love him in the future ones as well.
Even as a single woman, I still write, and my heart thinks of new things to write each day. One day when we our wedding day ends and we are leaving, I will be giving him those letters I have written for many years, and then we can read them together. Even if there are ones that I cringe at, that’s not he point. The point is is to show him that I waited for him, I prayed for him for so many years, and I have gone before the throne for my future husband for a long time.
That day when he is finally able to read years worth of love, prayers, and growth, I will thank the Lord for placing the idea of writing letters to my future husband into my mind back when I was 15, for writing letters to my future husband has been one of the best things I have done, for it is something money cannot buy, but it something that shows the heart of who I am as a future wife from beginning to now, and so with the closing of a journal, I hope that it is not long until the day I am able to place my letters into his hands as he reads them one by one, and that day is a day worth writing for, and so I write “dear future husband” even through it all, for these letters aren’t for me, they are for him.