This post has been written twice, for I didn’t like the way I wrote it the first time, for this message is so passionate to me due to the Lord laying it on my heart a weak ago, and I want this post to really capture what the Lord has been showing me about cross carrying in a marriage, for it is something that I have been studying for a week now, and so this is my second time writing this, for I want to get it right.
As mentioned, for the past week, the Lord has really been laying a very heavy topic on my heart in regards to marriage, and it’s a new perspective that I am glad the Lord brought to my attention, for it is so small in the new Testament, yet it has such a big meaning to me now.
However, before we get to that point, how did we even get to last Monday where I was passionately praying over my future husband’s cross that he’s carrying?
I take praying for my future husband seriously, for his life began before me, and a lot of Christian women believe that their husbands lives begin with them, but it doesn’t. My future husband has been through things before me, he has been going through seasons before me, and he has been doing so many things before I was ever a thought in his mind, and for a long time, I have made praying for a him a constant priority in my life.
Then, awhile back, I decided to buy my future husband’s wedding tie, and I plan to give it to him a day before our wedding by telling him that every time I looked at it, I prayed for him; therefore, my future husband will not only be wearing a pink tie, but he’ll be wearing a tie that holds many prayers that I prayed to the Lord about him. (The tie is pink, for I honestly love it when men wear pink.)
Every morning I wake up, I see his tie on my nightstand and I pray for his day, his safety, his heart, and for him. Then, every night that I go to sleep, I pray for his health, I pray for his struggles, I pray for the things that have hurt him, and that tie is a physical reminder that one day it will go from being a tie on my nightstand to being a tie on my future husband; the tie I’ll see when walking down the aisle vowing to be his wife, and behind the tie are many prayer that I have prayed for future husband.
“Then they compelled a certain man, Simon a Cyrenian, the father of Alexander and Rufus, as he was coming out of the country and passing by, to bear His cross.” Mark 15:21
However, a week ago as I was praying for my future husband at night with tie next to me on my nightstand, the Lord began to lay a small little passage on my heart, and when I went to go read it, I was confused. How did it correlate to marriage? Why did the Lord bring up my future husband in this little passage when it was about the Lord?
The Lord has a way of bringing small things into a bigger picture, and He told me, “I needed help picking up my cross too,” and He began to correlate that to Lamentations and how I want to run into the fire in my marriage like He did with me. In the end, if the Lord needed help carrying His cross up to the mountain where He was crucified, then I know my future husband will need help carrying his cross at times.
For the past week, I have been praying for my future husband and his cross in detail, for the one thing we do as believers is pick up our cross and follow Him, but if Christ can be weak and find His cross heavy, then, again, I know my future husband will be weak at items as he journeys that narrow path.
Though the passage regarding Simon of Cyrene is mentioned only a few times in the New Testament, this is very powerful too me, for it does teach us to uplift each other in the Lord, for if Christ needed help due to being weak, then I know that in my marriage, I should uplift my future husband when he is weak, and I know that without Christ he is not strong, for my future husband’s strength comes only from the Lord, but in my marriage to him, I can be his helper in several ways, and one those ways can be by helping him in picking up his cross like Simon did to Jesus.
In the end, I know I am not a perfect woman by any means, but I still want to be a lot thing to my future husband; his encouragement, the person he can say anything too without fear, and a woman who uplifts him, but I now want to be like Simon and help him with his cross, for I know my future husband is a man who is flawed, and so he will have moments where he will need help carrying his.
“Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Christian women have a big tendency to talk about how they want a future husband who is ‘this,” “this,” or even ‘this,” but what about us being future wives who would help our future husbands with their cross? What about us being the future wives who would be willing to suffer with out future husbands so that they are not alone in the suffering? What about us being the future wives who would love like Christ by going into the fire for them? What about us being the future wives that we should aspire to being in those hard times, for in the end, marriage isn’t only good moments, but there are also moments where my future husband is so weak due to suffering, that he needs help picking up his cross.
I cannot speak for every woman, bu I can speak for myself, so when my future husband is weak and is being crippled by his cross, I am not going to just watch him fall, but I am going to go into his suffering, help him with his cross, and show him the beauty in the ashes, for that is the wife I want to be; the wife who not only loves in the darkest, but who goes into the suffering unafraid.
Though Jesus is the only one who can give us strength, the Lord said it is not good for a man to be alone, and yet many Christian women want men who don’t suffer, who are perfect, and who aren’t going to give them a “hard marriage,” and yet in the end, the cross wasn’t easy, the cross was gruesome, and the love that spilled before us on the cross was messy, and yet many women want a “love that is easy?”
I don’t want easy, for how would I ever pour grace into my future husband’s life if he met all of the conditions? How would I ever be able to show him the love of Christ if he never failed me? How would I ever have a heart of forgiveness to him if he was always “perfect” and “worthy?” In the end, I don’t want a “worthy and perfect husband,” but I want a flawed one, for I want a marriage where I can show true love; the love of being able to help him with his cross, for even Jesus needed help with His too, and I believe that the small moment between Simone of Cyrene and Jesus was precious, and yet we tend to overlook it.
I want a marriage that requires me to be like Simon of Cyrene where I help my future husband with his cross when he is too weak to step another foot further on the narrow path. I want a marriage that requires me to love like the Lord and go into the fire while showing my future husband that there is beauty in the ashes and that there is beauty beyond the pain that we have, for in the end, the Lord is who we are chasing after, for He is our peace.
I want a marriage where Christ is reflected, where grace is overflowing, and where we are both imperfect people who case the Lord each day. The problem with women today is that they want men who “meet all the conditions,” “who are perfect,” and women focus so much on finding “the perfect man” that they forget about being the wife who would would walk with their husbands in the middle of suffering.
“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8
Instead of focusing so much on changing a man, love him Christ loved, for if Christ wants a man to come humble to the throne in brokenness, messiness, and in his raw state, then we should be willing to marry our future husbands in that state too while encouraging them on the narrow. While my future husband will be wearing that pink tie on our wedding day, I won’t be marrying him for how he looks at the end of the aisle, but I will be marrying him the same way he arrived to Christ; broken, weak, and humble.
That is what the Lord showed me; the beauty of the and what it truly means to be a wife one day. Being a wife is not just having a husband, but it’s being the woman who promises to be there on the narrow, who promises to be there in the tough times, and who will help him with his cross, for Jesus needed help with his.
I want to be a wife who will endure suffering with my husband, who will never leave, and who will stay even in the worst and darkest days, for even Christ needed someone, even Christ was too weak at moments, and even Christ was beaten and went through suffering; therefore, I want to be the reminder in my future husbands life that constantly reminds him that Christ suffered so our suffering would not be eternal.
And that’s my new focus; my new prayer.
“Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:10-12
I don’t just pray to be a wife who loves unconditionally, but I pray to be a wife who is passionate about helping my future husband with his cross, for his cross is not to be taken lightly, for the narrow path is a path that only so few walk. My future husband is going to find me worthy of sharing his cross, and when I marry my future husband, he is gong to be trusting me to be there for him when his cross is threatening to break him due to weakness and suffering.
If I am to be the wife that I write about, I have to be willing to be like Simon and help him with his cross when he can’t carry it himself.
That’s the wife I want to be; the wife who, like Simon, helped the Lord when He was weak, frail, and in so much pain due the suffering He went through. I am unsure of whether Simon realized how big of a job he had in helping Jesus, both God and man, with picking up His cross, but I do know that I want to love like Christ, I want to reflect the grace of the Lord into my future husband’s life, and a way to do that is to show him that he isn’t carrying his cross alone anymore when he married me, for I will be a woman who helps him even if it means baring his suffering, for I am willing to go through the fire and suffering with him.
“And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”” Genesis 2:18
That’s my new my prayer, my new focus, and it’s apart of the vow that I will one day make when I stand before my future husband on our wedding day before the Lord, for Jesus needed help picking up His cross too, and so I promise to help my future husband with his, for this narrow path isn’t easy, and if I can be a wife who can help with the load, then I will, for it isn’t about what I can get, it’s about what I can give, and I want to pick up my future husband’s cross like Simon did to Jesus when my future husband is unable to stand.
That’s the wife I want to be; the wife who not only runs through the fire after him, but who also picks up his cross when he can’t.