Though work life has now gone back to the “old grind” for everyone after Christmas and the New Year, especially for teachers, I am in a strong writing mode, for this post has been on my heart now due to seeing a lot of other women write similar things on the endless world of Facebook or so; therefore, this post is one that I quite love, and so it is why I am posting on a day that might seem different for me to post on.
You know, I don’t want to be one of the most clichè women on the planet with this post, but a good amount of people I know are married now, having babies, and are getting engaged. However, I do believe that this could end up turning into a clichè post very quickly due to the title, for this is one of the most typical posts that a single woman could write as of now, but I am going to be switching the narrative in a big way shortly.
For me, 2019 was great, but if I had to be honest, I can’t be the only single person who wonders, “Is 2020 the year where I finally get married?” I am in my twenties, I am wanting to be a wife and a mom, and I am ready for that new season of life to happen, so I do wonder about it more often than not. However, I do have many goals for 2020. I want to learn to play more of the piano again, for I have become very rusty due to not playing that much in the past year, I want to expand my art by doing more impasto paintings rather than just calligraphy, and I also want to write more and more.
Regardless of what happens in 2020, I know that during this decade I am going to get married, have children, and enter new seasons of life. In ten years, my life will be completely different than what it is now, and so it is only a matter of time for that change to happen.
At this point in my life, I wonder and think, “I don’t want to stay in North Carolina, for I want to move,” “When will I get married,” “What color eyes will my children have,” “Will my future husband I homeschool or place them in a regular school” and so forth are questions that flood my mind now.
“But Ruth said:
“Entreat me not to leave you,
Or to turn back from following after you;
For wherever you go, I will go;
And wherever you lodge, I will lodge;
Your people shall be my people,
And your God, my God.” Ruth 1:16
Do I believe 2020 is the year for the new season? That’s up to the Lord, but I am open for it. I am ready to marry, ready to be a mom, and I am ready to selflessly be a wife to my future husband. Whenever the Lord says “go,” I will go, for He knows what it best.
However, I view dating so differently than our current culture, for I want to be caring, intentional, and thoughtful when it comes to it. I believe that many people today don’t think before doing things, and I believe in stopping and thinking before doing, which is where intentional dating comes in. As I have made mention in a lot of my posts, I want to get married, I want to be enter that season, and I also want to be able to walk on the narrow path with someone where we will uplift each other, encourage each other, and who will go before the throne in prayer for each other when we are too weak to even from the words to say.
That is the kind of marriage I pray for; a marriage that goes before the throne in selfless love that expects nothing in return. I pray for a marriage that reflects Christ, that reflects His grace, that reflects His mercy, and that reflects His forgiveness. I pray for a marriage of two imperfect people that do not meet all the conditions, but are loved unconditionally, and I pray for a marriage where I can grow in grace, where I can become more like Christ, and where I can learn to be a woman who pours out grace, who forgives even when it is tough, and who loves even in tough moments.
That is that marriage I want to walk into; a marriage that will require me to love my future husband as Christ even in those moments where it is difficult, for a marriage isn’t always easy, for the narrow path is a tedious path to walk, but in a marriage, I never want to let go of my future husband’s hand no matter how tough it becomes.
“And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”” Genesis 2:18
I am ready to walk through the fire for a man, I am ready to breathe grace to a man, and I am ready to be the helper to a man so that he isn’t alone, for this narrow path can be quite lonesome when you have no one to walk it with.
Am I open to a marriage in 2020? Most definitely I am. If a man who seeks Jesus and who wants to walk with me towards Him has an interest in marriage with me, then we will most definitely seek that together and love each other like Christ while walking towards that goal of marriage, and so honestly, I have no fear of getting married in 2020, I have no hesitation of walking into the new season, and I have no fear of walking into the unknown, so at this point, we’ll have to see. I am open for any change this year; moving, marriage, complete life changes, and whatnot, for I am okay with the Lord placing me anywhere.
I am willing to go wherever God goes, for that is what Ruth did. Ruth went where God went, and I want to be like her and go wherever God goes, and so I allow myself to be open to change, I allow myself to go without grumbling, and if my life changes completely, and I mean completely, then I will gladly let it change.
Though change for any person can be somewhat scary, it’s worth it. It’s worth walking into the unknown and it’s worth stepping into faith, so yes, I am hoping that 2020 is the year for big change, I am hoping that marriage is soon, and I am hoping that my future husband and I will finally be those people to share news other than the hundred and something Facebook friends who always have news to share. (I still love those people like crazy though.)
However, I don’t just want marriage or new seasons in 2020, but I want a marriage that requires me to die to myself in a new way, that requires me to place myself last even more, that requires me to truly go into the fire after him, and that requires me to love him even through the mess, even through the tough times, and even through the tough things. I don’t want to only be placed in a new season, but I want a marriage that makes me become a better woman in grace, a better woman in Christ, and a better woman who truly loves my future husband in the darkest as well as in the light.
2020 isn’t just about a year of hopefully entering the new season, but it is also a year where I hopefully am finally able to hand my letters to my future husband that I have written for many years, where I hopefully am able to finally give my tie to my future husband that has many prayers behind it, and it is about hopefully stepping into the shoes of the woman I promised I’d be in those many letters, and even though I am single, I hope that 2020 is that year to finally be that wife I have written to my future husband that I would be to him.
In 2020, I am ready to step up to the plate and be the person that I promised I would be for the past many years in writing, and so I pray that in 2020, I am put to the test by God allowing me to enter the new season, for the new season is not just about me, but it’s about loving a man like Christ does.
Many single women write about finding love in the new year, and that is not wrong. Hey as the woman who’s never dated, I can attest that I’d love to get married this year if I had to be honest, but that’s not my only goal and intention. I want to show my future husband that even in his darkest day, a woman on this earth loved him, and I want to continue to love my future husband even in the rocky moments, even in the tough moments, and even in the difficult moments, for that’s what the new season is about; loving each other like the Lord does even when it is hard too.
2020 is not only about hoping for the new season, but it is also about me wanting to show a man that he is loved, that he is worth it, and that someone is happy that her year involved marrying him, and that is my deepest desire; to give love, express love, and selflessly love like Christ in all things. Sure, I am single, and many women do not understand how I can love my future husband and write letters to him in my singleness, but I truly do love the man who would want to marry me, who would want to walk with me towards Christ, and who will want to share a life with me.
That man is worth it.
“Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.” Lamentations 3:22
One of the things that I believe with all of my heart is going into the fire for someone and showing them that there is beauty even in the flames, and yet so many people are afraid to run into the fire after others, but you shouldn’t be. The Lord ran through our flames, the Lord ran through our darkest, and the Lord ran after us and showed us grace, and I truly believe in doing the same, and I most certainty believe in doing this for my future husband.
I want to run after my future husband in the fire even if it is scary, daunting, and embers are everywhere, for I want to run after him like Christ does, and that’s something I will never stop doing.
Therefore, many women can write posts about finding love in 2020 or whatnot, but I want 2020 to be the year where marriage does happen, but I want it to be the year where I truly show that the things I have been writing in my letters are true, where I run into the fire after my future husband, and where I continuously go before the throne for my future husband in constant prayer and selfless love.
That is my prayer for 2020; a year where I hopefully will die to myself in a new way due to marriage happening, a year where I hopefully enter a new season in selfless love, and where I pour out grace, bloom with grace, and where I am able to love as Jesus loved on a new level.
And so I make this known to the Lord.
I am ready for change, no matter how big that change might be, I am ready for it.
I am ready to be a wife who runs into the fire without being afraid and who listens to her future husband to listen rather than listening to only reply.
I am ready to be a woman who hands the letters and the tie she that has had saved for so long to her future husband.
Most importantly, I am ready to finally be a woman whose love goes deeper than it ever has, and so I ask the Lord to put me to the test by opening that door to marriage, for it’s not about me, it’s about Christ and the man who I will one day marry.
Again, I am a single woman, never had a boyfriend, and so forth, so it might be insane for me to think that 2020 could be “that year,” but in the end, 2020 isn’t just about desiring to enter the new season, but I desire to enter the new season so I can finally be the selfless wife that I pray to be everyday, for that is my deepest desire other than being a virtuous mother one day, for I yearn to glorify God through a marriage that is rooted in Him.
“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” Matthew 6:33
I hope and pray with my heart that 2020 is that year, so if a man who loves and seeks Jesus and who wants to walk humbly and broken to the throne of grace with me wants to marry me, then we’ll most certainly seek that goal while walking towards the Lord in love, grace, and mercy as we seek Him together in humility.
Here’s to 2020; a year where I am not writing the typical “finding love” post, but I want 2020 to be the year where I hopefully am able to show that my desire of selfless love isn’t just in writing or nice words, but that my love is genuine, real, and runs through the fire unafraid, for any woman can find love, but not many people can run through the fire after the ones they loved, and I don’t desire to “only be loved,” but I desire to love passionately and selflessly, and I want to finally show that love in reality.
So here’s to 2020 hopefully being that year, and so I will go where God goes no matter where it takes me with a faith that is rooted in Him.