It is about 11 at night, I am writing this, and I have had a good amount of coffee, I am in a very good mood, and I have been thinking about this very topic for the past two days.
Today, we are going to be speaking about the “v-word,” and I think we all know what that is.
I haven’t written about this in awhile, and it is something that I am, and I have many thoughts on purity, virginity, and the denying of oneself, so today, we diving into that.
The other day, a friend and I were talking about singleness, men, and marriage, and then we got onto the topic of virginity, and I was asked how I felt, and it ended in silence after I spoke. How did we get onto the topic of virginity? I am not sure anymore, but this friend and I do have a few differences in opinions, and I haven’t seen her in awhile, and so as we begin to go our own ways, we begin to form our own thoughts and whatnot, but I still love her and enjoyed her company.
Anyways, she asked me, “What are you looking for in this regard,” and as she stared at me, I let what I was feeling out, and I specifically said, “Honestly, I want a man who’s a virgin and who will view my purity as important.” This statement just rolled off my tongue, and I have no shame for saying it, but it did cause the conversation to stop.
There was an awkward silence.
And when I say awkward, I mean a little awkward.
My friend looked at me and tried to figure me out in a loving way, and then she began to reason with it and understood in the end, but our conversation reminded me of the other conversations I have had with other women about this same thing, and though she was pretty receptive, I had had many other conversations that went the opposite direction.
I am going to be honest, a lot of people, think it is weird that I want a virgin as a future husband, and I remember being at this big dinner for my cousin, and I got sucked into this conversation with three random ladies about something similar, and I gave my personal thoughts and said, “I personally want to marry a virgin,”and all of the women gave me reasons on why I would end up single, on why men aren’t virgins, and on why I was having “too high of expectations,” and it was very biased if I must say so myself.
It is a sad day when men, or anyone in general, cannot be virgins anymore, it is a sad day where it is “abnormal” to be a virgin, and personally, I do not think me wanting a man who is waiting is wrong, for I have always wanted a man who was a virgin and who understood purity, for I want a man who can relate, who can understand the waiting, and who can understand purity and virginity.
Therefore, I want common ground when getting married, and so yes, I want a man who is a virgin, and what is so wrong with that? If women can want men that are “this,” “this,” “this, “or “this,” why can’t I want one simple thing? In a sea of men who are involved in Hookup Culture, why can’t I have a man who is a virgin?
“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.” Philippians 4:8
Our purity means so much to the Lord, it is important, and in our Hookup Culture type world, so many people do not deny themselves, but they give in with no second thought of the Lord, and I personally have waited for my future husband, I have denied myself, and I view him as worth waiting for, and I’d love to be able to marry a man who also understands this too.
However, many people think that wanting a virgin is somehow wanting a spouse who “is better than everyone else,” but that’s not the case. I simply want a virginal man for I want to be able to have that common ground. It does not equate to perfection either, for I have written about how I don’t want prince charming as a husband, for my life is filled with brokenness and tough things, and so I would never expect a man to rise to perfections standards, for Christ broke the burden and made us free, not enslaved; therefore, virginity is not a “perfection standard” by any means.
Though I am okay with a man who has walked the broken path, I do want a common ground in one area: virginity. As I have mention I have a purity ring, and most men who aren’t virgins would probably laugh at me when they find out about my ring, so I feel like a virginal man would appreciate this gesture a whole lot more, for I refuse to have my purity laughed at and treated like it is nothing, for I have waited for my husband for so long, and I won’t have that waiting demeaned by Hookup Culture.
Personally, I don’t want the typical man who is going to view purity or virginity as something that isn’t important, for it is important. I want a man who will view the beauty in waiting, who will encourage me, and who will be honest about it as well. There is beauty in waiting, and I view my future husband as worthy to be waited on, and my deepest desire to be selfless to him, and so yes, I am a virgin, and I am not ashamed of it.
However, for men in 2020, being a virginal man is the so called “worst and most abnormal thing for a man.” A lot of people, such as the group of ladies, in the past have told me that “virginal men are not normal,” and that is the most offensive thing I think a woman can say, but in the end, I don’t care. I’d rather have an “abnormal husband” who is a virgin than to have a so called “normal” husband who doesn’t virginity as worth saving.
I am going to be honest, I want to be able to walk into my marriage with both of us on the same page and being able to share that moment where we realize that we have waited all of those years for each other with the strength of the Lord. I want to be able to look at mu future husband and tell him, “I waited for you” while we both can celebrate that we made it this far in the Lord’s grace and mercy, and we will now be ale to walk together as one rather than alone.
“and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.” Matthew 10:8
The day that my future husband and I look back an see how much we have denied ourselves while having that precious moment of pledging to be walk together as one on this path together, is a moment I want to have with my future husband, and I don’t think that I should be discounted for wanting that.
In the end, why is wanting a virginal person so wrong and offensive? Honestly? In 2020, it is okay to promote Hookup culture, yet a woman wanting a man who sees the beauty in waiting and denying himself is viewed as “wrong?” That is quite twisted, and it shows you how backwards our society is.
At the end of the day, I am the woman who is going to marry my future husband, not any other woman. Therefore why does it bother other women if I marry a virginal man? They don’t have to marry my husband, they don’t have to be committed to him, but I am, and if I am okay with him being a virgin, then that should be okay with everyone else. I don’t care what my future husband is, what he has done, or whatnot, for he is my future husband, and quite frankly, his business isn’t every woman’s business, and his virginity is not the concern of other women, but the person it does concern is me; his future wife.
However, on a more real note, we focus too much on sex and not enough on the heart of being selfless.
To be quite honest, give me a man who would pray for me before ever thinking of sex, give me a man who would lead me to the altar before ever thinking of leading me to the bedroom, give me a man who would go before the Lord about my problems, my fears, and my tears even if he doesn’t get anything return, and give me a man who’s love for me is not rooted in sex, but is rooted in a selfless love like Christ.
Yes, sex is beautiful in the eyes of God when married, but it is not the entire marriage. It is only a part of marriage, and then you have so much more, and I want to focus on Christ, on loving my future husband’s soul, on being a selfless to him, on being one with him, and on leading him hand in hand on the narrow path; that is what I want the focus to be on.
“Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11
In the end, sex cannot help you when walking the narrow path or through troubled waters, for it takes encouragement, tear-filled prayers, lifting each other up, and going through the darkest and through the fire with your future spouse to walk together on the narrow, and so you want your marriage rooted in selfless love, for the narrow path requires selflessness when we walk the narrow as one when married.
Therefore, that is another reason why I want a virgin as a husband, for he will not be with me for sex like “Hookup Culture,” but he will truly be with me for he sees beauty of my soul that is rooted in Christ while also encouraging me in purity and in my pursuit of the Lord. He will want me as his wife, he will want me as the mother of his children, and in the end, I want a man to view me through those, for I truly care about walking into a marriage with a selfless Christ-centered love that is about each other rather than on “I.”
That is the beauty of virginity and purity. It is a symbol of loving our spouses and denying ourselves, and that is what what I desire for both my future husband and I.
“And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”” Genesis 2:18
So you know what, give me the abnormal man, for if it means having a marriage where we both on the same page while having a selfless love that is rooted in Christ, then it is worth it. Wanting a virginal man is worth all the looks, the comments, and the all doubts, for they don’t have to marry him, but I do, and when I walk down the aisle one day, I won’t be thinking about “how I am making a mistake,” but I will be thinking about how glad I am that I did not give into the opinions, for I will be glad that I passionately prayed for that man who will be wearing that pink tie at the end of the aisle; the man who waited for me, and the man who I believed in even when people told me otherwise.