To The Women Who Go to Church “To Find a Husband:” We Need to Talk

I am sorry for my frequent posting, but writing is my way to relieve stress, and I’ve been kind of stressed out recently, and next week I will be getting back to my Monday and Thursday posts, I promise, and I am so very sorry if I am annoying, but this will not happen next week.

I decided to do some editing from beginning to end on my blog, and I have noticed a trend in myself since I was little, and I was wondering if anyone else did this; I get my age and dates wrong sometimes. In one post, I said I was 20, and I am most definitely not twenty, and then in another post, I said it was 2017, and yet it wasn’t, and though I only did this in 5 posts, you’d think that I wouldn’t be messing up, but I do, so if you suffer from getting numbers wrong, I am in the same boat. (And with 2020 upon us, I am destined to mess up even more.)


This post is going to be very passionate, for I love passionate and thoughtful posts.

Now, Christian men might like this post, for it seems as if Christian women always tell men why they are “wrong,” and I personally think that women have it wrong, for when we point fingers at Christian men for their flaws, we have four fingers pointing right back at us; however, whenever Christian men speak on wanting a virtuous, feminine, or Christ loving, and dedicated wife, they are instantly shut down by “Christian women” due to “asking for too much.”

Ladies, men are not asking “for too much” when they pray for a woman who will love them like Christ while walking with them on the narrow path, and yet we point fingers when they don’t do what “we want.”

This is wrong, so today I am going to be talking to the ladies about something that is very common, but a grievance towards the Lord, and that would be going to church “for a man” rather than for the Lord.

At this point, you are either still reading or clicking out, but whichever it is, I hope you stick around and read, for we are going to be explaining the dangers and the selfishness of “going to church only for a man.”

There are a lot of women who go to church for a man, and this only makes you look desperate, and this makes you look like a woman who views God as a genie in a bottle rather than the one who stepped down from His throne to die for us.

Now, this isn’t going to be easy to read, but if you go to church just for a man, then you won’t be getting married soon, for you aren’t in the selfless and mature mindset to be getting married, and I don’t care what age a woman is, until you humble yourself and seek God without wanting anything in return, then you will not be placed in a new season.

Until you walk the wilderness with God, you will never enter the season with someone else, for the Lord does not grant a blessing such as marriage to a woman who doesn’t seek Him with her entire heart, for is she can’t seek God with her whole heart, why would the Lord allow her into a marriage where selfless devotion is required; therefore, going to church to find a man rather than to convene and worship the Lord is wrong and an offense to the glory of God.

I feel really bad for Christian men, for there are many women who sit in the pews who are only there to “snatch them as a husband” rather than being humble before the one who died for them, and I am not trying to be that person, but this behavior needs to stop, for this only leads to heartache, deception, and a heart of contentiousness.

“Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Proverbs 31:30

This is why the Lord says “beauty and charm is deceptive,” and this is why the Lord warns men about the Proverbs 5 woman who has words as “sweet as honey,” and yet her desires are only sexually laced to get men and men alone, and yet she appears to be charming and beautiful, which many people fall for her ways, her beauty, and her charm, but the heart is deceptive and deceitful for her gain an her gain alone.

The Lord tells men to run from here, to stay far away from her house, and to not entertain her, and yet many women do not realize that they are being deceived by the Proverbs 5 woman rather than being a Proverbs 31 woman who seeks the Lord above all, who seeks a beauty of  a gentle gentle, who seeks the wonders of the Lord, and who does things for others due to the kindness and the wisdom in her heart rather than what she can get.

In the end, not every Christian woman is “wife material,” for women must first learn to grow in Christ before ever thinking about marrying a man, for marriage does not have a magical power to make you an “amazing Proverbs 31 woman.”

There is this assumption that marriage will make one a “godly woman” who seeks the Lord instantly, and this is not true. If you were not dedicated to the Lord before marriage, then you will not be dedicated to the Lord after marriage.

If you were not able to pick up your cross before marriage, then you will not be able to pick up your cross after marriage.

And if you were not able to be strong in your relationship with Christ before marriage, you will not be able to have a strong relationship when married.

In the end, if you are unable to love the man who died on a cross for you, then you will never be able to love a man, for how can you love a man when you cannot even love the man who placed the sins of the world upon His shoulders so that you could be free from bondage?

Ladies, I know you don’t want to hear this, but stop going to church for a man, and get into the Word, get lost in the Word, get lost in Christ, get lost in the love of the Word, and stop using the Lord to find a man, for the Lord is not your “matchmaker,” but He is your Savior who died for you, and He will not have anything placed before Him.

Experience the love of Christ, experience His joy, experience His love, for He is the only one who can fully satisfy. In the end, marriage cannot fill the void, money cannot fill the void, and no other thing can fill the void other than Christ, so seek the one who has set your soul free, for He is worthy of all of your praise.

If you want to be that godly, Proverbs 31 woman, you must first seek the Lord, you must seek the Kingdom, and you must view the narrow as precious. You must walk in the wilderness humble with the Lord, and you must seek refinement, for refinement is nourishing to the soul, for when one is refined, they are made strong in the Lord and His love for us.

“Jesus answered and said to her, “Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again,  but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.”” John 4:13-14

If you want a Christian man to look at you and say, “I want her as the woman I walk the narrow with,” then don’t go to church to find a man, but get lost in the Word, drink deeply from the well, and be deeply rooted in the one who made a way when there was no way possible, for the Lord is worthy of our love even if we don’t get anything in return, for the Lord has already down more than what we deserve.

And when you are seeking the Lord, seeking Proverbs 31 and when you begin following Christ without the idea of “getting something,” then that is when we become the person He wants us to be, that is when we became clay that can be molded, and that is when we are radiant, for those who love Him are radiant.

After we drink deeply from the well, then we will become wife material, but the “going to church for a man” and the following Christ for a husband are not signs of a woman who fears the Lord, but they are signs of a woman who is using the Lord only for her gain, and that is the abuse of grace rather than being humbled by grace.

I know that many women might not be reading by now, for going to church for a man is a common thing done, but we must seek the Lord with all we have, and as my favorite pastor John Bevere said in one of his sermons, “You’ll obey God even if you don’t see a benefit,” and fearing God does not mean being afraid, but it means being so in love with Him, that you wouldn’t want to distance yourself from Him.

Ladies, I understand wanting a husband,, truly I do. I want a husband too, I am twenty-something, and I thought I would be a wife and a mom by this point, so I understand the strong desire for a husband and children, but please do not go to church to “snag a man,” do not go to church for a certain man, do not deceive a man by playing God, and do not use the Word or glory of God to “capture a husband” for though a man might not be able to see your heart, the Lord does, and the Lord will let those plans to “snag a man” fail and crumble.

 “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

In the end, if we want to be the Proverbs 31 woman, we must seek the Lord wholeheartedly, we must choose joy and whatever is lovely, and we must seek the Lord even if there is no benefit, for the Lord has given us grace, the Lord loved in our darkest, and the Lord paved the way to eternal life.

When it comes to wanting a Christian husband, I don’t want a perfect man, but even then, any Christian man wants a woman who is in a relentless pursuit after the one who has breathed life into her, and that is what matters sat the end of the day; are you in a relentless purist after Christ or are you chasing Him for your gain?

“that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth,  and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” Philippians 2:10-11

Seek the Lord not for what you can get, but for what you can give, for the Lord is worthy of our praise, the Lord is worthy of us going where He goes, and the Lord is worthy of everything we are, and the Lord is worthy of all praise, of every knee bowing, and of every tongue confessing His power, His glory, and His honor.

Therefore, stop going to church “for this man” or “for that man,” but go to church for the Lord, and follow the Lord for He is the one who set you free, for this “going to church for a man” only makes one look desperate, not virtuous; therefore, though this post is very tough, sometimes we need to get tough to uncover the sweetness in the Word, and when we finally humble ourselves before the throne, then the sweetness of His Word is overflowing.

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