So, I was scrolling through my phone, and I have been listening to Spotify a lot more, and I have been adding more to my worship playlists and stuff, but the Lord must have randomly showed me this song, for it was not worship related, but it was titled “North Carolina,” and the song is from a band called “Little Chief,” which I have never heard of, and they only has a few thousand followers on Instagram when doing a little research, but the song was very specific, for it is everything I want to hear from a man, and I believe the Lord made that song play randomly on my phone to show that to show me that His plan is going to come to pass even if it seems bleak, for the song is literally about a man falling in loving a girl from NC, and where else am I from? NC.
So that was a good reminder that all things come to pass in His timing, and I am glad for little reminders such as that, and if you are in a moment of bleakness, just know that He is good, He is forever great, an He knows of the things behind the scenes. (Which this reminder is perfectly in line with the topic of this post.)
Anyways, this post was inspired by a conversation I had, and this woman asked me, “How have you never had a boyfriend?” I have made this known before, but I have never been on an official first date, I have never dated, I have never had a boyfriend, and I’ve never heard those three words every woman wants to hear, and yet I have many thoughts on love, marriage, and so forth, for I am an intentional woman who knows of the marriage she desires that reflects the glory of God. (No, I am no single due to being afraid of commitment, because I want to get married and have children, so I’m not afraid of the commitment in the slightest.)
However, when I do reveal to a lot of women that I have never even been on a date before, they are shocked. How can a woman at my age never of been on a date? I’m unsure of the answer, and I also have no answer for why I am single or why I have never had a man in my life, bu I do know one thing; singleness is my season, and though it is is long, I am choosing to find joy in Christ before the next one.
I am not going to list reasons on why I could be single, for in reality, I am unsure of why, and in the end, I don’t need to know why, for I trust the Lord that He is good, and He is writing my story filled with His promises and truth, so if the Lord can split the sea, then He can make ways in my life, and His way is perfect and never-ending, so I will trust tin the way maker, for He is righteous and good.
“She is more precious than rubies,
And all the things you may desire cannot compare with her.” Proverbs 3:15
Therefore, I am daughter of a King, and the Lord says that He thinks of good for me, not evil, and so while I am waiting for the next season of marriage, I am seeking grace and joy in Christ as I pray to marry soon, and as everyone I know is getting married and having children, I still seek solitude in Christ, for He is my first love; the one who died for me so that I could live.
In the end, I want a man to be in love with my spirit, to be in love with my relentless pursuit of Christ, and who is in love with who I am and with who the Lord says I am. I want a man to encourage me in femininity, to encourage me as a daughter of true one True King, and to encourage me on the narrow, for this path is winding, and we need to lift each other up.
I want a man of grace, a man of surrender unto God, and a man who will look at me and see a daughter of grace, not of perfection, but through her imperfection, she is loved by an Almighty God who loved when she was unworthy, and I want a man to love me in my design as a woman; a design that is a masterpiece that was fearfully and wonderfully made, for I was made within His image.
Therefore, in order to marry the man I do so write about, I have to be in love with Christ, I have too be captivated by His presence, I have to be captivated by His grace, love, and mercy, but I am not in love with Christ for a man, but I am in love with Christ, for He loved me in the darkest, in the pain, in the good, and in the bad. The Lord, flawless and holy, died so that I could live, and so I love Him with all I am.
“Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.” 1 Peter 3:3-4
As a single woman, I am walking alone with Christ,and I walk with Him with joy, with peace, and with a tender spirit. As mentioned, I yearn to continuously be shaped to have a spirit that is gentle and meek, and though we live in a time where a gentle and meek spirit is condemned, I would rather be unknown and gentle rather than known and loud, for my life is meant to glorify God, not the world, and so it is He I want to please, and He says that a beautiful soul is one who is gentle, meek, and humble within His sight.
And maybe that is why I am single. Maybe I am single for I refuse to have a spirit of loudness, and though it is easier to be seen with a loud spirit, I don’t want that, but I want to be gentle, tender, and meek, for that is what I want my life testament to be; a woman of a gentle, meek, and contrite soul who is in love with the Lord and her future family.
I would rather have only one man notice me in a sea full of loudness rather than many, for if only one man notices me, then that is fine, for I will only marry one man, so why gain the attention of all, when all that matters is one man’s thoughts, and I don’t my future husband to be greeted by a woman with a contentious spirit, but I want him to be greeted with a tender, soft, and meek spirit that is humbled before her Savior,.
Sure, I am single, and though I desire to be married right now, an though I desire to have children right now, I am choosing to be joyful in this season. I might not be seen by all, but my future husband is safe in the arms of the Lord as the Lord is weaving together the story that is beautiful and precious in the eyes of God.
I want my future husband to see me so passionately in love for God, that he has no doubt in his mind that my love for the Lord is genuine and filled with grace, and I want my future husband to see a woman who is chasing truth, chasing gentleness, and chasing the wisdom of the Lord, and I want him to look at me and think that I am beautiful because of the glow and radiance in my countenance that can only be because of one person; Jesus.
I take my singleness season seriously, for I want to ensure that I can be the wife my future husband prays for, so I watch myself, I pray for conviction, I pray to be what my future husband needs, and I pray to continuously be molded in the woman that the Lord needs me to be.
“Let them praise the name of the Lord,
For His name alone is exalted;
His glory is above the earth and heaven.” Psalm 148:13
And then as I am captivated by the Lord, captivated by His presence, and captivated in my identity in the one who made a way when there was no way, my future husband will look up and say, “That’s her,” and it’s not going to be because of what he sees, but it’s going to be because of the spirit that lives within me; the same spirit that lives within Him; the Spirit of the Lord.
So yes, I am single,
I have never dated,
I have never been on a date,
I have never had a boyfriend,
But that is okay, for I am not every man’s wife, but I am going to be one man’s wife; the wife to a man who is walking this earth, and until I finally walk down that aisle, I am not going to waver in who I am in the Lord, for the Lord writes the most beautiful love stories, and it is He who I want to write mine, so I have faith in the One who has written the most beautiful love story upon a cross, and I will wait for mine to occur.
In the end, I want to not only be loved for the woman I am, but I also want to be loved for my gentle spirit that I seek so passionately to have within the Lord; however, in the world of chaos we live in, not many people in society seek to fall in love with the quiet whispers of the soul anymore, for many don’t seek the deepest level of one’s soul, and I want to be wanted for so much more.
I want to be wanted because my soul will be the soul that will pour out the grace of Jesus, I want to be wanted because my beauty is in my spirit rather than my body, and I want to be wanted because a man has fallen in love with who I am on the inside, and I want a love that is deeper than what the word is accustomed to, but I want a love that goes through the darkest and sees the beauty, that goes through the good and sees the joy, and that goes through the fire and is unafraid.
Though I am a twenty-something year old woman who is quite single, I have experienced it with Christ, I have experienced it in the grace that has been poured over me, and I have experienced it when Jesus was hanging on a cross, and one day, I will loved with a deeply rooted love that is Christ-centered, radiant, and selfless with grace, and I shall love a man the exact same way; selflessly and unconditionally.
That is what I want to be loved by, and I don’t ask for much out of a man, for I seek to be humble, and not demanding, but if I had to choose one thing that a man is to be in love with, then I want it be my love for the Lord, for without the Lord, I am nothing, so let it be the gentle, humble, and meek whispers of my heart that adore the marvelous grace of Jesus be the reason I am loved, for I want my marriage to glorify the one who died for me, so let it be Christ be loved before I, for I am just a shell, but He is eternal.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall [a]direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6
Therefore, I am okay with having a lack of dating history, for whether it looks like it or not, the Lord is writing my story filled with His promises, the Lord is weaving the love story that is beautiful, and the Lord knows what He is doing, so I give Him the pen and trust Him.
In the end, I don’t want to be viewed as “another girlfriend,” but I want to be viewed as wife who could walk in truth, grace, and the love of Jesus with a man, and I will surrender myself so that the Lord’s plan can be written, for He is the Author of all beautiful stories that never fail to disappoint.
And one day, I’ll be walking down the aisle when looking back thinking, “Lord, you are gracious and Holy, and may my next season glorify you,” but in the meantime, I will worship him as I walk the wilderness season of singleness, for He is good, He is worthy, and He is the breath I breathe and the reason I sing, for He has freed me in His eternal victory.
“You are the daughter of a King, so walk like it, talk like it, dress like it, and wait for the godly man who will treat you like it.”