I am writing this on Sunday night, so as you are reading this, I am just fgetting out of a long PLC meeting that was scheduled at 5 pm, and it is going to last until 7:30, so if I had to predict the future, I am probably driving home by now or in some drive-thru line due to being too exhausted to cook or whatnot, so here’s to PLC’s on Monday evenings and driving home later than usual.
I have noticed a theme in Christian women, and that is the “My future husband is Prince Charming” type theme, and I read this a lot in books as a young girl as well as in conversations with other Christian women. I will admit, back when I was a little high school girl, I spent a lot of my time reading numerous godly dating books, and even then, I noticed a huge emphasis on my future husband being this “Prince Charming” or this “marvelous man” who is built up to perfection, and that always bothered me, for my future husband is just as I; imperfect, and why should I make him rise to standards that Jesus does not place upon Him?
As a young woman in her twenties who wants to get married, I hear the same reverb from a lot of other single Christian women who say, “I want a Prince Charming who will sweep me off my feet,” and to be honest, I don’t want a Prince Charming, because I do not want a man who “checks off the list,” but I want a man who is saved by grace, who is redeemed, and who isn’t this “perfect man” that is gushed about.
It is quite evident that throughout the years on my blog, I think of Christian men differently from the typical Christian woman standpoint, for I view Christian men in the light that they should be, and that is through the lens of grace. I do not esteem men to being “perfect,” but I view Christian men as being redeemed, flawed humans who fail the Lord daily, but are also lavished n the grace of Jesus.
“Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.” John 8:36
That is how I view, and always will view men, and I do not view them under a “Prince Charming, wishy, washy” mindset, nor do I look at men and think, “Oh, he’s doing this” or “He’s doing that, I can’t marry him” or whatnot. Christian women have a tendency of being very picky. “If a man does this, this, or this, I will not marry him” and yet men are not perfect humans who bow down to our commands, for when the Lord sets us free, He sets us free indeed, and Christian men are not enslaved to the “perfect” demands of Christian women.
I said it.
Christian men are not enslaved to the yolk of Christian women’s perfect demand of a perfect husband
I ditched my husband checklist back when I was 20 years old, for I realized that it was damaging to my future husband. I am going to admit, my “husband checklist” had a lot of things on it, and then I realized that the man I would marry is not going to meet all the conditions, he isn’t going to be perfect, but He will be a redeemed man, and so I ripped up my “checklist” and threw it away.
In the end, I think checklists are very harmful, and it teaches us to look for perfection rather than redemption. Now, I only have three things that I want in future husband; redeemed, virginal, and Conservative, for I believe that these three things cover so much. I do not ask a lot out of a man, but I do want those three things, and many Christians think that I am asking too much there, but in my opinion, I think that having three simple things is much easier than having an entire list of things as if I am going grocery sopping for a husband.
In the end, all of those godly dating books are somewhat flawed at making my future husband seem to be this “high and perfect man,” for Christian men are not enslaved to the perfect demands of Christian women, and I believe that love is not demanding perfection out of your spouse, but I believe true love is the ability to love your spouse through their darkest, through their pain, through their battles, through their sin, and through their trials, but when we deem mean as “unworthy” because of their pasts or nor due to checking off the list, we are enslaving them to something the Lord has freed them from.
Who are we to put the yolk upon their neck when the Lord had freed them? Who are we to demand perfection out of men when the Lord not once demanded perfection out of them? Who are we to demand a man to come to us as perfect when the Lord tells them to come as they are to the throne of righteousness?
Who are we to demand perfection when we aren’t perfect ourselves?
That’s the thing; we aren’t perfect, but we want perfect men, and I think this is flawed. Christian women have been fed this lie of a “fairy tale marriage” where a man is a Prince Charming, has no worries, and no battles, but in reality, Christian men are not Prince Charming, for Christian men struggle and Christian men go through dark times, and we must be willing to love them as redeemed men, not legalistic men, for legalism is lethal to grace.
I don’t want a Prince Charming as a husband, for I want a man who will challenge me to grow in Christ, and who will also teach me how to forgive and show unconditional love
I want a man who’s walk with Christ will challenge me to grow in tenderness and in unconditional love. I do nto want an “easy husband who is always perfect,” but I want a man who can challenge me to be more like Christ, and so I don’t want perfection or else I would never learn how to love, forgive, or show grace like Christ. Therefore, I want to be challenged to grow, and I want a marriage that will make me lay myself down for my future husband where we are both in love with Jesus, but are flawed at the same time.
Instead of looking at Prince Charming as so many Christian women gush about, let us desire a man who is in love with Jesus, but also is an imperfect man who is battles, who is human, and who isn’t a robot who regurgitates the “same lines” as every other prince Charming, but let’s desire a man who is humble before the throne, who is open, who is able to pour our his burdens, but who says, “I am not perfect, but I am redeemed,” and, personally, that is the man, I want, for how can I expect a man to support me in my trials or my downfalls if he’s never fallen himself?
“Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Instead of wanting a Prince Charming who is never open and is always perfect, we should want a man to be able to tell us if he is in an addiction, if he is sinning, or if he is falling short of God’s glory, for we are supposed to stand by his side even through the darkest, but Christian women think that “standing by his side and being an encouragement” only means through the good, but it is also through the bad.
I can only speak for myself and what I want in my future marriage, and if you want to continue to want a Prince Charming, then that’s your choice, but I want to be by my husband’s side if he falls into an addiction while praying for him and encouraging him to find strength in Jesus. I want to be able to lift my husband up to the Lord if he is failing the Lord or if he is in the midst of temptation, and I want to be able to love as Christ loves when my future husband is failing me as a husband, because there’s one thing about it, this man will fail me due to being flawed, but at the end of the day, due to the love of Christ, we will not be shaken and we will be made stronger through these trials.
I don’t want a prince Charming as a husband because I want redeemed over perfect and sanctified over legalistic.
In the end, I do not want a perfect husband, but I want a redeemed man over perfection, and I want a sanctified man over a legalistic man. I want a man who acknowledges that he is a sinner that is saved by grace, and I want a man who is not legalistic, but I want a man who will filled with grace. I want my future husband to be a man who thrives in redemption, who thrives in the grace of Jesus, and who believes in being sanctified over being perfect or legalistic, because sanctification is us admitting that we need the Lord to intervene, and I want a man who is grace-filled rather than checking off a list.
“being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus,” Romans 3:24
I want a man who is seeking the Lord over seeking perfection, I want a man who is able to confess his faults, who is able to humble himself, and who is free in Christ, not enslaved to perfection. In the end, I’d rather have a broken man who is free in the grace of Jesus than a perfect man who is enslaved into legalism, for one is fee in Christ and the other is enslaved to the yolk.
Sure, my future husband will not be a Prince Charming, but he will be a redeemed and godly man who seeks the Lord above all, who is redeemed over perfect, and who is sanctified over legalistic, because that’s the man I want to marry; a man who can be open abut his downfalls, his sin, and his battles with me as his future wife.
Because all of these books I read in the past taught me one thing: they got my future husband wrong. He isn’t Prince Charming, he isn’t a man who is esteemed higher than “so and so,” but he is a flawed man who fails the Lord daily and who can fall into sin and temptation, for if the Lord was tempted on earth, then my future husband can most definitely be tempted as well; however, he is also a man who loves the Lord and who chooses the Lord over the world.
Therefore, I don’t care about my future husband “checking off” A, B, or C, but I just want him to be a man who is redeemed, who can give myself to me as I can to him, and who isn’t following the crowd, but who is following the Lord in His glory and grace.
That is what I want in my husband, and so Prince Charming can be fought over by another women, but I refuse to fight for a man who doesn’t know what it’s like to humble himself before the throne, for I want a man who will come to the altar and marry me as he is rather than as something he isn’t, because there is one thing about it; a man who has experienced the passionate love of Christ can love you more than a man who has never had one downfall.
And that is what I want; redeemed man over a “typical Prince Charming” that many books and women gloat over.
P.S, a year ago, I wrote a post called, “14 Prayers for My Future Husband,” and I thought it went well with this post, so if you would like to read more about how to pray for your spouse, I highly suggest this post, for those prayers are prayers that I pray daily.