Before we jump into tonight’s post, which as you can tell by the title, it is a pretty heavy post, I have organized a lot of things, one of those things being posting times, and I am going to stick to posting on Mondays and Thursdays a 7 pm. Tonight, I am a a little late due to editing this post, but I want to ensure that I am able to write, and I find that Mondays and Thursdays are the days where I can truly sit down and write posts such as these, for Fridays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays are filled with lesson planning, stress, and exhaustion, so by the time Friday gets here, I am normally asleep by 7 pm due to a long week.
So, I will see you all on every Monday and Thursdays at 7 pm.
Now, let’s dig into tonight’s post, and let me tell you, it’s a good one.
I was inspired by this post due to seeing something on Instagram. Wow, I know right? When was the last time you heard of Instagram inspiring such a post, but this post summed up a lot of my thoughts on sex, sexual desire, virginity, and things that people do not talk about as often in Christian circles, now do we?
As you have read, the title is a question, and I think it is a good one to ask. “If we are meant to wait until marriage, why does God give us sexual desires now as single people? Why not just for our spouse? Why not until after marriage?”
When I look at my blog statistics, a lot of my most viewed posts are about virginity and sexual desires. Now, sometimes I think, “Should I have shared such openness with the internet,” but then I realize that we live in a time where people can embrace hyper-sexuality, promiscuity, and so forth, so why can’t I embrace virginity, waiting, and purity?
Therefore, I am going to be the woman who waits until she is married and who isn’t shamed for it, but though I have my little purity ring and my letters to my future husband, that does not mean I am magically immune to sexual desires or temptation, nor are you.
In fact, none us are immune to sexual desires, and we all have them.
Why does God allow us to have sexual desires when we are single if He wants us to wait until marriage?
The sin is not in sexual urges, it’s in the action
I always hear people say, “Sexual desire is bad” or whatnot, and personally, I disagree, for sin is not in urges, but it’s in the action. We all have urges, we all want to do things that God would not want, and this is where we use the Lord’s strength hold back and not do these things.
I believe we have our focus wrong, for we focus solely on the urge, solely on the desire, but we do nto focus on the truth of the root. In the end, everyone has sexual desire as well as other desires, and this is normal, for we are broken people that are saved by grace.
As single people, we are going to have moments of temptation, and that is normal, but with depending on the Lord’s strength, we refrain.
When people date, they will have sexual desires, but with boundaries and understanding that waiting for marriage is important, Christian singles refrain.
When we hear something, read something, or whatnot, we will desire sex, but again, with the Lord, we refrain.
Therefore, the issue in this question is not “Why does God give me sexual desires as a single person,” for it is normal. We have made sexual desires abnormal, we have made it wrong, and we have shut off communication on the topic of sexual desires, because we are too afraid to get that uncomfortable.
However, I’m not afraid to get uncomfortable as precious posts have suggested, and I’m here to say that having sexual desires is not a sin, but it is the action that is the sin.
“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, And whose hope is the Lord.
For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters,
Which spreads out its roots by the river,
And will not [b]fear when heat comes;
But its leaf will be green,
And will not be anxious in the year of drought,
Nor will cease from yielding fruit.” Jeremiah 17:5-8
It is what we do with that desire that the Lord looks at, it is how we handle that desire that the Lord looks at, and it is our response that is looked at. Do we go before the Lord and depend on His strength or do we give in? That is the question we should be asking, not “Why am I desiring sex,’ for God made sex, and you will desire it.
Simple as that.
Instead of focusing on why we have those urges, we need to remember who the root of our desire is, and that is our future spouse.
I feel as if we have focused so much on the internal that we have forgotten the main goal at the end of the singleness path, and that is our future spouse. However, there is a way to keep urges under control, and a major outlet that makes money of sex and whatnot is entertainment, music, Hollywood, and I could go on and on, and a great way to prevent one from getting into a situation where temptation is too great is to guard your heart.
“Keep your heart with all diligence,
For out of it spring the issues of life.” Proverbs 4:23
Purity begins in the heart, and whatever we are perceiving, fills our minds. If we are watching, hearing, or reading something that pertains to sex, we will feed into hat, and it will cause a urge, and then we will have desires to fulfill those urges, and if we keep feeding those urges rather than going to the Lord, the waiting becomes more difficult.
There is a reason why the pron industry makes millions upon millions a year, and there is also a reason why sex sells, for we see it in everything; movies, music, books, and even magazines; therefore, we are living in a sexual world where it is everywhere.
However, we can avoid temptation by making sure we are guarding our hearts, for the more we feed into such outlets, the more likely that those desires will manifest. Now, this is easier said than done, and it will take the Lord’s strength for us to overcome a porn addiction, an addiction to sexualized books, and whatnot, but if we want to keep our future spouse as our reason for waiting at the forefront of our mind, guarding our heart will be crucial.
At the very end of our sexual desire is our future spouse. Our future spouse is the at the core of our desire, and even if we don’t realize it, the deepest desire of our heart other than Jesus is our future spouse, and we should value waiting for them, for your spouse is worthy of you waiting for them, and your future spouse is worthy of you denying yourself for them.
“But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31
Not only should we wait for our future spouse, but God views virginity and purity as precious, He views waiting as precious, and those who wait upon the Lord are blessed, but I feel as if people have forgotten the power in sex, and once you create a soul tie with someone, it is hard to break it, for when two become one, it will be hard to break free.
That is why sex should not treated so casually as “Hookup Culture” has treated it, for it is serious, it is emotional, and it is not just a one night stand, for the Lord views sex as two souls becoming one, and if that tells us anything in the power of sex, it shows that it has a bonding power of two souls, which souls not be treated lightly.
Instead of us asking “Why do I have sexual desires,’ let us now ask, “How can I wait for my future spouse?”
I have written many posts pertaining to how one can handle sexual desires, and instead of us asking, “Why do I have them,” we need to begin focusing on the importance; the person we will marry. We need to begin getting into that selfless mindset of taking ourselves out of the equation and adding them.
“My future spouse is worth waiting for, so I will deny myself,”
“My future spouse is worth the wait, and I will depend on the Lord,”
“My purity is precious in the eyes of God, and it will mean a lot to my future spouse.”
Those are the types of statements we need to begin focusing on, for when we focus on the wrong thing, it makes us forget the actual message behind sexual desire and sex. Sexual desire is not the sin, it is not the problem, and when we make it the problem, we forget the bigger picture; the beauty of waiting, and the beauty of being able to one day express those desires with someone who waited for us as well.
We have spent so long making sex such a bad thing, that in reality, sex is not good within the confines of marriage. We tell singles that it is “bad,” “bad, “bad,” and then when singles get married, it instantly is good, and while I do agree that we should place on both the good and the bad in sex, we should also tell singles that sex is good in marriage, and that it is precious in the eyes of God, not just “bad,” “bad, “bad.”
“Let your fountain be blessed,
And rejoice with the wife of your youth.” Proverbs 5:18
We need to give Christian singles a valid reason to wait instead of constantly telling them that it is bad, for when you fill one’s mind wit only the negative, you have left no positive for them, and when there is no positive, one might wonder, “Why am I even waiting,” but when we focus on both aspects on both the joys of waiting and what happens when we don’t wait, it not only tells us why sex is wrong in some regards, but it also shows us that if we wait for our spouse, it is good and blessed within the eyes of God.
Therefore, instead of asking why we have sexual desires, we should say, “When you wait for your future spouse, it makes those years of denying yourself worth it.” As we find ourselves in temptation or in those moments, remember the goodness in waiting, remember the person you are waiting for, and remember that good things happen to those who wait and love the Lord.
At the end of the day, the sexual desire is not the issue, it is not the problem, but it is how we respond and handle those desires, and we can handle those desires by thinking of our future spouse, by valuing our future spouse, and by realizing that there is going to be someone in our lives one day that is going to be our spouse, and they are worth waiting for.
When we shift our mindset to what is truly important, which is the selfless waiting for our future spouse, we then find waiting and depending on the Lord’s strength as easier to do, for we have included the other person. When we set our mind on things of the Lord, we will find it easier to find refuge in Him during those moments of temptation, and when we value marriage, it will make us want to view it as precious.
With that being said, we should not be asking “Why does God give me sexual desires as a single person,” for sexual desires and urges are not sin, but we should be asking, “What am I doing to depend on the Lord’s strength when those desires do arise so I do not act upon them?” and “What am I doing to keep my future spouse at the forefront of my mind when I am tempted?”
In the end, I am only a single woman who is a virgin herself, so I might not be able to accurately answer this post due to me begin in the same boat as many single Christians desiring marriage, but I can answer this as a woman who is waiting for her future husband, who is viewing her future husband as a man who is wroth waiting for, and who is viewing virginity and waiting as precious, and that is the mindset we need to have.
We should not have the “Sexual desire is wrong,” mindset, but we should have the, “When I ave sexual desire, what am I gong to do to ensure that it does not manifest into anything else,” mindset, for sexual desire is like any other desire, but it is what we do with it that makes it an issue; therefore, let us place more of an emphasis on selflessly waiting for our future spouses rather than worrying about why we have those urges, for the urges aren’t the problem, it’s the effect and the future we should be concerned about.
“I am my beloved’s,
And my beloved is mine.
He feeds his flock among the lilies.” Song of Solomon 6:3
When we begin to view things in the right perspective, we will find waiting beautiful, we will find our future spouses as valuable, and we will take ourselves our of the equation by making God and our future spouses as the root, and so at the end of the conversation sex is not the root of our sexual desire, and it never was, but the root of our desire is our future spouse, and that is what we should be focusing on, not the urge.