I watch a lot of sermons on YouTube, especially on Saturday nights, and if you follow my on Instagram, (which some of you do) then you know that I normally post ten stories filled with snippets of the sermons I am watching every Saturday night, and if I must say so myself, they are powerful and amazing. On Saturday, I watched a sermon called, “Before the Person (Part One),” and I felt the Lord move during that sermon. In the end, I wanted to drink even more deeply from the well, and I highly suggest that sermon.
First I need to preface this post as I am proof-reading. No one is perfect, no one is going to know all the answers, and we will all mess up and fall short of the glory of God. We are all broken people who are unworthy, we are all messed up people, and I do not believe in perfect spouses, so this post is in no way a, “Be a perfect woman for a man” type post, because if that were the case, I just disqualified everyone from marriage, for none of us are perfect, for we are saved by grace and faith alone.
However, today, I want to talk to the ladies; the ladies who want a husband, the ladies who yearn for marriage, and the ladies who are in the same boat as me. We need to talk about “the root;” the root that I have talked about before, yet I feel as if I have not gone deep enough due to everything I am seeing on social media, Bible studies, and whatnot.
Therefore, we are going to begin with tough questions, and in order for us to get to the root and to truly drink from the well, we must ask the questions no one wants to answer;
What makes us think we can love a husband when we cannot even devote ourselves to Christ?
What makes us think we can be faithful to a man who will get down on one knee for us if we cannot even be faithful to the Lord who died on a cross for us?
What makes us think we can be patient with a husband if we cannot be patient with the Lord?
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:23-24
Those are the questions we need to ask ourselves, and I know that these questions are tough, but we need to get to the root. For so long, we have stayed at the “surface” while refusing to go deeper into the water to learn more about what we need to learn, and tonight, it’s time to go deeper if we wish to grow in Christ.
As you can tell, I am very passionate about this post, for many Christian women yearn marriage, yearn their Boaz, and they yearn for a husband, yet women do not realize that in order to get their “Boaz,” they must be like Ruth, and that means being obedient and being willing to go where God goes. (Not perfect, but grace-filled.)
Boaz would not have taken a second look at Ruth if she was not faithfully seeking Lord, so why would a Christian man give us a second look if we expect a godly marriage when we aren’t seeking the Lord?
Now, I am not saying you have to be perfect, for I am far from perfect and I can attest to imperfection; however, it is wrong for us to desire godly men when we aren’t willing to be godly ourselves in Christ. If we want godly men who are seeking Christ, we must be the same, for a godly marriage is not a one way street.
The current state of your walk with Christ will become the state of your marriage, for singleness is the best time for us to grow in Christ due to having alone time with Him, but for if we find it difficult to have a relationship with the man who stepped down from His throne to die on cross for us, then we will never be able to have a strong relationship with a man who will get down on one knee for us?
You cannot place anyone above Christ, for if you do, the Lord will rip down anything that is placed above Him, for He is Holy and has no competition, and no man, no husband, no boyfriend, and no one will be allowed be placed above him, so if your walk with Christ is not strong, then your marriage will not be either, which is why we must be completely in love with Christ before getting married rather than esteeming our future husbands to doing all of the spiritual work in a marriage.
In order to walk into a new season, you must go through the process of refinement within your current season, for even the Israelites walked the wilderness before the blessing
There is a process we must go through before we reach marriage. We cannot just say, “I want to get married,” and then it happen. We must go to the Lord, we must walk the wilderness, and we must be refined for marriage before entering marriage, for we must love Christ in the waiting before being allowed to go into the next season.
If God allowed us to get married before God’s timing, then the relationship will sway, the relationship will be unstable, and the relationship will fail.
Take a plant for example. When you plant a seed, does it grow over night? When you say the words, “Okay, plant, I want you to grow right now,” will it? No, because there is a process that takes steps, and when we are not willing to plant ourselves in Christ, when we are not willing to root ourselves in the Word, and when we are not willing to grow in Christ, we will never grow in marriage, we will never grow as a wife, and we will never grow in anything we do, for we refused to go through the process of refinement, pruning, and conviction within our single season, and if we cannot do this when being single, we cannot do this when married.
“And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.” Galatians 6:9
Those who understand that they are broken and unworthy, yet continuous seek Him are the ones who who can be used for God’s glory, not the person who only stays at the surface and seeks perfection; therefore, we must go through a process before ever being allowed into a new season, for if we cannot love God in the waiting, how can we love God within the blessing?
This is the root; the root that we need to plant, for we need to go through the process before walking down the aisle, and the process is going passed the surface and to being deeply rooted women who yearn for Christ in a passion that is never-ending, and through our passion for the Lord, that is where Christian men will begin think, “I want that deeply rooted woman as my wife.”
If you want a man who will walk the narrow path with you, then he wants a woman who would walk the narrow with him.
If you want a man who will walk the narrow with you, then you must be willing to walk the narrow with him, and f you want a man who is saturated in truth, then he also wants a woman who is saturated in truth. Therefore, the desire goes both ways. If we desire a man who will lead us closer to Christ, then he also wants a woman who will breathe Jesus into his life as well.
“but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.”” John 4:14
If you want a man who is deeply rooted, who is in love with Christ, and who will walk with you on the narrow towards Christ, then you must be a woman who is deeply rooted and who is in a relentless pursuit after Christ, for we cannot expect godly men if we are not willing to love God in our singleness, for Christian men want women who will love the Lord even in their singleness; therefore, do not esteem to be the answer to a man’s dreams, but esteem to be the answer to his prayers.
We cannot allow ourselves to place the entire spiritual work of a marriage upon a husband, for that is not equal, that is not right, and that is not a godly marriage. When we place the entire spiritual burden upon our future husbands, the marriage will fail due to an imbalance, for our husbands are not meant to be the entire focus of the marriage.
It takes the Lord, a husband, and a wife to make a marriage successful, and yet so many many women focus on marrying godly men to the point where they are allowing their walks with Christ to suffer. While we are out here demanding all of these things from men, we are allowing ourselves to fall away from being deeply rooted due to focusing too much on the man and not enough on our walk with Christ.
We must go deeper, and we must stop demanding for deeply rooted men when we refuse to become deeply rooted ourselves, for a deeply rooted man wants a woman who is the same; deeply rooted so that they can both love the Lord through their imperfection that is made beautiful by grace.
I might not be a man, but I feel as if Christian men have this burden on their shoulders to be perfect, and I have seen this as a Christian woman with my own eyes. Christian women involuntarily place all the spiritual work on men to carry and do within a marriage, and in the end when they are married, the husband ends up doing all the spiritual work, all the spiritual damage control, and he ends up with wounds due to not only carrying his cross, but also having the carry the entire spiritual work of a marriage upon his shoulders.
“Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” Proverbs 31:30
Therefore, we have come to full circle. We cannot keep demanding our future husbands to carry the entire spiritual work of a marriage upon his shoulders; therefore, we must make sure we love Christ in our singleness, and we must make sure we are women who are chasing truth, Jesus, and grace, for if we do not love Him now, we cannot expect to love Him when married.
One cannot love a husband more than Christ, and if your walk with Christ is not good right now as a single woman, then it will not be good as a married woman. In fact, if your walk with Christ is not good now, it may become worse when married, for you will be a spiritual encouragement to a man, and if you cannot grow in Christ on your own, then you will not only be hindering yourself, but you will also be hindering your future husband as well.
“I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.” John 15:5
As we journey through singleness, may we fall deeply in love with the Lord, for it is He that we should be rooted in, not a husband or any person, for when we root ourselves in anything other than Christ, then it will come falling down, yet when we drink deeply from the well and expound deeper than the surface by becoming well-watered women, we will find an everlasting joy that never ends.
Become deeply rooted, for if you cannot become rooted in Christ now, you never will when married, for singleness is the prime opportunity to grow in Christ before another Christian is added to your walk on the narrow path. Therefore, drink deeply from the well, find you worth in Christ, and allow Him to take your faith deeper, even if it means being uncomfortable, for we do not grow when comfortable, but grow when we are uncomfortable
I am a single woman, as I have made known before, and though I do want a man who will walk the narrow with me, I understand that if I want a man that loves the Lord, I must also be a woman who loves the Lord, and so I love the Lord passionately, not because I want a husband, but because when you drink deeply from the well, you will never thirst again.
Before you allow a man into your life, you need to understand that if you want him to be a grace-filled man who reads truth, you must also be a grace-filled woman who reads truth or else it’ll make you hypocritical to demand such a man yet not give that back in return, for again, a husband is nto meant to do all of the spiritual work within a marriage. If we claim to want Christian men who are deeply rooted, then what makes us assume that those men do not want the same thing?
In the end, I do not want to be the answer to a man’s dreams, but I want to be the answer to his prayers.
I want to be the woman who will walk the narrow path with him, who will encourage him, and who will walk hand in hand with him through the fire, for marriage takes two people who are utterly in love with Jesus, for marriage is a reflection of Christ and His love for us, and when one person isn’t fully in love with Christ, then the marriage will be imbalanced, and an imbalanced marriage where only one is doing all of the spiritual work will spiral out of control, for the foundation is rocky.
Therefore, before the person, you need to become deeply rooted, or else your foundation will never be firm, for if one cannot love Christ within the waiting, how can we love Christ in the blessing? In order to have a firm foundation in the one who is perfect in all of His ways, one must be willing to relentlessly chase Him while picking up their cross, and if we aren’t willing to pick up our cross to follow Christ, what makes us think that we can profess our vows to a husband to walk hand in hand on the narrow when we cannot even walk the narrow alone with Christ?
(Below is the link the sermon I mentioned earlier.)