A Single Woman’s Thoughts on Christians Who Battle Same-Sex Attraction: “We Are All Sexually Broken”

I have a gay brother.

Yes, you read that correctly,

I have a gay brother, and he is also in a gay marriage, and though I might not agree with my brother’s choices, I still love my brother and pray for him daily.

I had this post in my mind a few months ago when the entire debate over the LGBT+ argument ensued with Joshua Harris, and I tired to formulate my words, and I finally found my words, but no, this is not about Harris, and it isn’t about anything he said, but this is about something else. It’s about how we aren’t willing to talk about these things due to the “discomfort.”

As mentioned, my brother is gay, and he didn’t choose the narrow path, for he was never keen on the whole “Jesus thing,” but I do know that there are many Christians who battle same-sex attraction and are denying themselves for Christ, and yet we don’t talk about them because it’s too uncomfortable.

First off, I don’t know what the battle of being a Christian with same-sex attraction is like, I will never be able to place myself in the shoes of a Christian who goes through this, and I will never, ever place myself above them, because these Christians need our encouragement to keep walking the narrow path, and I can only imagine the strength they have in Christ.

However, I have had many Christians get tense when I mention that I have a gay brother, and in the past, when some Christian men found out about this, they refused to date me, but I cannot lie about what the reality is, and at one point, I was even afraid that a Christian man would not want a woman with a gay brother in a gay marriage due to the idea of a perfect spouse arising.

I know that sounds crazy when reading it, but I’ve had a few Christian men jump ship when they found out, and I began to become fearful of that happening, but then I began to wonder, “What about Christians who are denying themselves, but still deal with same-sex attraction?” If I can get rejected by Christian men due to having a brother who is in a gay marriage, what are they going through?

With that being said, I think it is about time that we have this conversation, for though it is one that isn’t comfortable to talk about, there are many Christians who are suffering alone due to people only wanting to have comfortable conversations, for if we are going to be talking about marriage, virginity, and whatnot, we need to also talk about what Christians can deal with such as sexual desires and attraction.

Christians are all sexually broken, and Christians can struggle with any form of sexual temptation, but we all have to deny ourselves for God’s glory

“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:23

First off, I think we need to distinguish what sin and temptation are. Same-sex attraction is more about temptation than it is sin. Yes, we are all sexually broken, but same-sex activity and same-sex attraction should not be placed in the same boat, for they are very different.

Nick Roen, a man who deals with same-sex attraction, explained this in his article, and he says, ““Experiencing a specific same-sex attraction is not necessarily a sin. Let’s say that I experience an attraction to another man. I don’t go looking for it, but it rises up spontaneously within me. At this point, my attraction falls into the category of temptation, and I can do one of two things. I can fight the desire in the same manner that anyone who is tempted with pride, jealousy, or fear would, and kill it before I sin. Or I can follow the desire into lust of the mind and eventually the flesh, which is a volitional sin.”

I feel as if there is this misconception in Christianity where we mix up what sin is with temptation, and I also believe that as humans, we are all sexually broken. As people who sin, we can struggle with any sexual temptation; lust, fornication, pornography, same-sex attraction, and so forth. Sin and temptation should not be confused, for we are all tempted to sin, we are all tempted by sin, and we are all broken in some way.

However, though we battle with temptation, we do not act on it, regardless of what it is is. We don’t act on desires of revenge, we don’t act on desires of spite, and so forth, so we will all battle desires that we have to deny; every single one of us.

Sexual desire is the biggest form of desire that we all have, and it is probably the strongest of our desires in the grande scheme of things. Another writer wrote a post about same-sex desire, called “We All Battle Brokenness–Not Just Those with Same-Sex Attraction,” and it could not be more true.

We all battle something where we all must depend on Christ’s strength rather than our own, However, that does not mean we act on our sexual temptation.

If you are a married person, you do not cheat on your spouse, if you are a single person, you have to withstand sexual temptation, and the list can go on; therefore, when we have a Christian who confides in us about same-sex attraction, we should not act as if they are a foreign person, because they have sexual brokenness just like you and I do.

Instead of running, give them the same advice that you would tell any other person dealing with sexual desire by telling them that the narrow path requires us to subject ourselves to the Word, and tell them we all have to deny ourselves, not just some.

You can still be a strong Christian who battles with same-sex attraction by choosing to deny yourself and picking up your cross to follow Him

If you deny yourself and pick up your cross to follow Christ, you can still be a strong Christian and battle same-sex attraction, for people like this deny themselves, deny what they want, and they truly understand what clinging to the Christ means.

Again, we are all sexually broken, we all have had sexual thoughts, we have all had sexual desires, and no one can say that they have had no sexual desire, for we are sexual beings; however, we all have to deny ourselves and pick up our cross.

“Then He said to them all, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me.” Luke 9:23

Therefore, we all have to come to this realization of having to deny ourselves for Christ, and though some might battle same-sex attraction or temptation, we shouldn’t deem them as “Non-Christian” due to that struggle. If that were the case, then all of us would be “Non-Christians,” for sexual desire and temptation covers a wide range of things. In the end, we must all deny ourselves and pick up our cross to follow Christ.

Christians who battle same-sex attraction should be able to be married to the opposite sex and have a wonderful marriage just like any other Christian

I believe that Christians who battle same-sex attraction can be amazing husbands, wives, fathers, and mothers in an opposite sex marriage. As I was researching, I came upon this article called, “Longing for Intimacy–Four Promises for Same-Sex-Attracted Christians.”  Even though a person may struggle with same-sex attraction, they can still be a godly wife, husband, and be in an opposite-sex marriage and be happy.

I once read a story of a man who is married to a woman and is a father, yet he also deals with same-sex attraction, and I began seeing comments from people saying things such as,”He is going to cheat on his wife,” “That woman is in a loveless marriage,” and so forth, and these things are not true at all, and when I hear these comments, I think, “Anyone can be in a loveless marriage, anyone can cheat on their wives, and anyone can break their marriage vows, not just a person with same-sex attraction.” Why is this so? Again, we are all sexually broken.

Any man can desire another woman when married, any man can cheat on a woman, and every man is sexually broken, so what makes this guy any less worthy of a marriage with a woman?

Again, this is where temptation is being labeled what it isn’t, because we are all tempted, but as Christians we choose to not act upon our temptation; therefore, these Christians can be amazing spouses and still love the Lord just the same as you and I.

When having that man’s story in mind, I think a man can be an amazing husband even if he battles same-sex attraction, because guess what? We all battle with sexual desire; however, though a man might battle it, it does not mean his wife is doomed to him cheating, and I think that is so discouraging to Christian men or women who battle this, for they are instantly labeled as a “future cheater” of some sort. It’s as if we’ve made Christians who battle with same-sex attraction as the only ones who are tempted, and this is far from the truth.

“Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,  looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-2

I know that my future husband will battle sexual sin of some sort, and as a future wife, I must be willing to be that encouragement who breathes Jesus, grace, and the Word of God into his life, for he is running a race towards Christ on the narrow path, and I want to cheer him on as he runs to Jesus.

In fact, my favorite pastor, John Bevere, recently admitted to a 12 year addiction with porn when he was first beginning in ministry and in his marriage, and his wife stood by him, prayed for him, and due to them both hunkering down and truly depending on God, he was delivered from it, and he now uses his past to help other people break free from pornography.

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Marriage isn’t just going to be all happy sailing, for my future husband will struggle, and I must be willing to get my hands dirty and truly get into my future husband’s brokenness and stand by him with the truth of the Word rather than running away from him; therefore, I do not think someone should be disqualified from being a godly spouse due to a struggle or a battle, for God will use that battle for His glory, for marriage is about denying ourselves for our spouses, and when we place Christ as the foundation, then we can all be godly spouses, not just some.

We all battle sexual temptation, but the thing that matters is that we cling to Christ rather than allowing those feelings to overcome us.

In the end, Christians who walk this road of same-sex attraction need encouragement from us, for they already feel alone. We need to begin showing that we all have to deny ourselves, and that we all have sexual temptation, not just them, for we all have to cling to Christ and His Word, for our feelings can easily overcome us if we are not drinking deeply from the well.

“Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.” Colossians 4:6

There are many Christians who battle same-sex attraction while actively denying themselves for Christ, and they are sitting in our churches afraid to tell someone, for they do not know how someone will view them, and I believe that we need to begin talking to them and encouraging them in Christ rather than just ignoring them.

Though I am saddened that my brother didn’t choose the narrow and didn’t see the preciousness of Christ, we need to begin sharing Christ to every single person regardless of how uncomfortable it makes us, for people need to see their need for Christ, and we also need to begin allowing Christians with same-sex attraction the ability to speak, for they have a story of denying themselves and picking up their cross.

In the end, Christ is is worthy of all of us denying ourselves, and He is worthy of us running the race; therefore, we as Christians need to begin encouraging Christians who are denying themselves, for they already feel alone, and they don’t need to be ignored any longer, for Christ died for them too.

So it’s time to get uncomfortable and begin talking.

Again, the links to the blog posts mentioned can be found here if you’d like to read them in-depth:

Is It Sin to Experience Same-Sex Attraction?

We All Battle Brokenness–Not Just Those with Same-Sex Attraction

Longing for Intimacy–Four Promises for Same-Sex-Attracted Christians

7 thoughts on “A Single Woman’s Thoughts on Christians Who Battle Same-Sex Attraction: “We Are All Sexually Broken”

  1. First off, I’d like to commend you for talking about such an controversial topic. As Christians we shouldn’t stay silent just because it makes people uncomfortable.

    God has spoken against homosexuality and if God is against it then we should be to. It doesn’t mean we hate the person, it means they know where we stand in terms of our beliefs with what the Word says. We cannot say “yes” to what God has said “no” to.

    God’s word says that homosexuality is an abomination, meaning He detest it (Leviticus 20:13).

    Paul said in Romans 1:26-27, for this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due.

    The Bible prohibits homosexual behavior. We can’t put homosexuality in the same category of other sexual sin, it’s unnatural because it goes against God’s order (Genesis 1:17).

    I agree we shouldn’t condemn and judge those who are in the homosexuality lifestyle. We are called to evangelize them just like we would anyone else. I believe that a Christian can “battle” with homosexuality and still have a relationship with God being the key word “battle” it has to be a battle with the intent that they are seeking deliverance. They should seek counsel from their Pastor or leadership. Deliverance is available if they want to be delivered.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you Kim, for your perspective, and I am sorry I took so long to reply. I believe someone had to say something, for it has been too long that we have been silent. We are called to be a light on a hill, we are told to be the salt of the earth, and we are told to be seasoned with speech, and we are to love all people, for Christ died for all people.

      Thank you for your thoughts, and I do apologize for not replying sooner! God bless you! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I have a feeling that you are going to be overwhelmed with negativity over your post. I hope that you will be able to look past all of that and be encouraged because I do believe that you are right. I have a nephew who also struggles with same sex attraction. To my knowledge he has never acted on this, but we have never been close. I personally believe that we as Christians tend to put too much thought into which sins are worse that others. We can all quote scripture that can prove the point that we want to make. In Leviticus Chapter 20 anyone who committed adulatory, had a homosexual affair or even cursed his parents were to be put to death. It does not say anything about someone who was struggling with the desire, only if it was acted on. In Matthew 12:31-32 we are told that there is no sin that is unforgivable except for those who speak against the Holy Spirit. According to that we can have a bad day and call Jesus himself every curse word in the book and yes we are still forgiven. I is difficult for me to look at a man that murders his wife and children the same as a man who gets angry and throws dishes across the room because his wife went over budget while shopping with friends. It is difficult for me to see a man that had an affair with a younger woman the same as someone who raped a little girl on her way home from school, and yes it is difficult for me to look at someone in a homosexual relationship without feeling a bit disgusted. My point is this. We sit here everyday and make the determination on what is worse than the other. The fact that I refuse to have compassion and forgiveness for the ones that committed horrendous this, While giving the ones that did the things that were “really not that bad” a pass makes me a hypocrite. I keep Exodus 20:3-20 posted in three places at all times. When I find myself judging someone that I read about in the news or heard about while standing in line at the grocery store, I have to ask myself which one of these 10 things did I break today? So far I have not gone a day without breaking at least half of them. That makes me no different than the ones that I have determined not only their guilt, but what I think that their punishment should be. We are to love everyone regardless of what they have done or what they are struggling to keep from doing. I am sorry for my rant. Bottom line is that I agree with you and I hope that you will keep going against the grain in your beliefs. I honestly think that you are 100 percent accurate and appreciate your openness.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I understand your rant, and I thank you for sharing with me! I do wish more Christians would be willing to be a light on a hill rather than running away, for no one sin is better than the other. All of us are guilty of Jesus being on the cross, not just a group of people, and so even if I belief differently, I would rather believe differently than follow the crowd, for so many Christians are feeling alone due to people placing a magnifying glass on them when in reality, we should be encouraging them in Christ.

      Thank you for commenting, and God bless you! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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