I am so happy that I have been writing on love, marriage, and singleness, because quite frankly, I love talking about godly dating, I love sharing my thoughts, and as a single woman, it is amazing to expel your thoughts, for at the end of the day, I think, “Wow, that felt good” when posting a blog post.
Today, I want to talk about something that hits home.
When I was a little girl, I was quite fond of fairy tales, especially the ones about Princesses. From Aurora being my favorite to wishing I could be Cinderella and meet Prince Charming, I was in love with the Princesses. I would dream of the day that I would meet my Prince Charming, I would dream of the day I’d get married, and I had an entire “fairy tale’ written in my head of what I wanted.
However, though I am still a hopeless romantic who loves the Christmas countdown on Hallmark, I grew up and realized that love and marriage should not be viewed through the lens of a fairy tale, for marriage is a serious commitment between you, God, and your spouse, which also comes with days that aren’t filled with “roses and sunshine.” In the end, fairy tales, though lovely and wonderful, are not reality, for marriage isn’t going to always be smooth sailing through fields of wildflowers.
I feel as if people have become entrapped in a fairy tale mentality when it comes to love, and the truth of the matter is that love is not a fairy tale where no problems are present. Yes, marriage is amazing, marriage is beautiful, and marriage is precious, but to deem it a perfect “fairy tale” would be, in some words, artificial.
You might have financial problem, you might have marital problem, you might have moments where you have to choose to love your spouse, you might have a miscarriage, you might be in a rocky time, and so forth. Though these are situations that no one wants to think about, these things can happen within your marriage.
You will have times where your will have to roll up your sleeves and work on your marriage, you will have times where you will go to God exhausted and tired due to not being able to walk another step, and you will also have moments of happiness and ease.
However, love is so much more than a fairy tale, for your spouse is not perfect. Your spouse cannot be “Prince Charming,” and when we esteem a future husband to being Prince Charming, we will become upset when no man fits that idea we had within our minds; therefore, Prince Charming, is again, only a fairy tale.
When we begin to idealize our future husbands as Prince Charming, we lose focus of who our future husband really is, which is a man saved by grace, not perfection
Though we will be enamored by your future husband, he isn’t Prince Charming. In fact, if you think your future husband will come waltzing in your life on a white horse with a glass slipper, you’ll be waiting for a husband for a long time. Though I love fairy tales or whatnot, you should nto mix the boundary of reality and fairy tales or else you will become saddened when that idea you imagined never comes to light.
Many women call their future husbands “Prince Charming,” and while there is nothing wrong will calling your future husband your Prince Charming, thinking that he is a perfect man who will never fail you is a dangerous mentality to have. There will be moments where your future husband will fail you, where he will make you upset, and whee you will have to choose to love him; therefore, he is not perfect, but he is redeemed.
“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus,” Romans 3:23-24
Prince Charming, though amazing in stories, is far from reality, for all men are born into sin, all men fall short of the glory of God, and not even the godliest man on the earth can esteem to Prince Charming, for Prince Charming has been made “perfect’ through the eyes of the writer; therefore, when women never see past the fairy tale lens, they will become dumbfounded when problems begin to arise in their marriage, which then sadly result in divorce.
As I mentioned, I am a helpless romantic, so while I am the first one to say that I love Hallmark, we must all realize that Hollywood is Hollywood and reality is reality. If your future husband can fall short of God’s glory, then he will most definitely fail you, but that is why you forgive, grow in grace, and grow in Christ, because he isn’t Prince Charming; therefore, when we view marriage through the fairy tale mindset, we begin to make the person we will marry this perfect person who will never do us wrong, when in reality, they will do us wrong at times, they will fall short sometimes, and they are human, not character in a story.
A Fairy tale marriage looks good in movies and in books, but it fails to show that marriage is more than the wedding day, but it’s a covenant made between you, your spouse, and God.
At the end of a fairy tale, we see a beautiful wedding where the bride and groom run hand in hand, but then it stops there; however, marriage is not the wedding day, marriage is not the dating period, but marriage happens after the wedding. Sadly, many people only marry for the wedding day, the gown, the pictures, and the “big day,” and I find this very dangerous and wrong.
If all you can think about is the wedding day rather than the marriage, then do not get married, or else you will find yourself in a situation that will not end well. Fairy tales only showcase the feelings, the big day, the beautiful gown, the church bells, and whatnot, but what about the marriage and the root of marriage?
What about the “through sickness and in health,” the “for richer or for poorer,” or the “till death do us part?” Many women do not think about the severity of marriage due to being stuck in that fairy tale of thinking marriage is easy and perfect, and it isn’t.
Just ask any married person and they will tell you that though marriage is beautiful and wonderful, it is not a fairy tale, it is not perfect, and the wedding day was just the beginning. Sure, the wedding day is nice to dream about, but if marriage within your eyes only contains that “big day,” then marriage isn’t your goal.
“and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”” Mark 10:8-10
A marriage is where two people commit to each other before God, who become one flesh in the eyes of God, who decide to walk the narrow path together in the eyes of God, who decide to walk the narrow path together; however, due to the fairy tale, we have forgotten that our spouse is a human who struggles and who is more than just a person at the end of the aisle.
My future husband is not just a man I will walk down to at the end of the aisle, but he is a man with feelings, thoughts, sin, emotions, and whatnot, and I am going to be committing myself to marrying him for better or for worse, and if I can only think about the wedding say, then I would be doing him a disservice, for he deserves a woman who’s last though is the wedding, but whose first thought is walking through marriage together.
“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;” 1 Corinthians 13:4
Fairy tales focus solely on the happy moments, and while there are many happy moments in marriage, there will be bad moments. Your husband will wake up on the wrong side of the bed, your husband might be in a spiritual battle, your husband might end up fighting an addiction, your husband might end up sick, your husband might end up ill, and your husband might end up in some situation that is not going to go according that “happy all the time” fairy tale.
No, I am not trying to make marriage look “bad,” but marriage is a commitment through the good and the bad. This is why we say “For better or for worse’ when getting married, because though marriage is good in the eyes God, we will have good days and we will have bad days
Marriage isn’t just happy days, but it also has sad days, bad days, exhausted days, days where you don’t know what you feel, and days where the room is spinning. This world is sinful and we are sinful, so to esteem anything as perfect and without problems is a dangerous mentality. .
You cannot ignore marriage problems, you cannot ignore your spouse, you cannot leave your spouse during a battle, and you cannot just up and walk away, because marriage reflects Christ, and Christ never left us in our bad moments or in our bad days, so we should reflect that and not leave our spouses on their bad days or bad moments either.
Instead of ignoring these things, we need to go into God’s Word, we need to go into payer, and most importantly, we need to make sure we are cautious in our singleness before marriage, because if we continue to have this fairy tale view of a spouse and marriage, we will be disappointed.
As a young woman who loves cheesy romance movies, I can attest that I love a good fairy tale movie but I refuse to blur the lines of fantasy and reality, because the truth of the matter is that in these movies, it’s all a perfect facade that we know is only “Hollywood,” but in real life, it is a different ball game.
My future husband is not Prince Charming, and that is okay. My future husband is a godly man who loves the Lord, and though he falls short of the glory of God, He is lavished in perfect grace, he is striving to be more like Christ, and through his downfalls, he learns how to better serve the Lord, and that kind of man is so much better than Prince Charming, because a perfect husband cannot learn how to grow in love, grace, and mercy.
Marriage is not a fairy tale with only happy days, and that is also okay, because through the bad days, you will learn to love your spouse even more after it is all said and down. Bad days do not last forever, and marriage is filled with more good than bad, but to esteem it all as “perfect and flawless” is inerrant. Marriage reflects Christ, marriage is about walking the narrow path hand and hand, and marriage is about selflessly loving someone like Christ loves them without expecting anything in return.
“This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, and which enters the Presence behind the veil,” Hebrews 6:19
Therefore, fairy tales are better in the books and the movies, and we should seek a God-written marriage that is filled with truth, not fantasy. Yes, it is okay to believe in happy ever after, because in the end, through our bad days and trials, we will still have a happy ever after if we work through marriage with Christ as our foundation and anchor, but to esteem a marriage as a Prince Charming, a perfect wedding, a life with no problem is destructive thinking.
I know my future marriage will not always be easy sailing, but with Christ, my future husband and I can overcome all those battles, and I’d rather have a redeemed man than a Prince Charming, and I would also rather have a marriage where we can grow in grace, love, and mercy rather than having a perfect marriage, for we learn the most when we mess up, not when we are perfect.
Therefore, let us keep the perspectives in order when reading and watching fairy tales for though they are a good story, it is only a story, and marriage should be viewed as more crucial and important than as a fairy tale, for marriage is viewed as Holy in God’s eyes and should be taken very seriously.
As we seek a happy ever after, may we remember that if we want to keep that happy ever after, we must be willing to walk through the fire after our spouse, and we must still be willing to walk the narrow path when married, because marriage does not make life easy or perfect after being wedded. In the end, marriage it is a covenant with God, and we should always remember that it is God who ordained marriage, not a fairy tale.