When it Comes to Marriage, Never Settle, For God Will Not Bless A Settled Marriage

First off, I love being convicted, and this post comes from a place where conviction is at, and so this post is not easy for me to write, but it is good for the soul, and I hope it is good for you too!

Last night, I watched a sermon called, “God, Where Are You,” by John Bevere, and it prompted me to write this blog post, for it reminded me how precious it is to wait on God. John Bevere, who is my favorite pastor due to not being afraid to speak edifying truth, said that the Holy Spirit told him when he was praying that “Complaining is a very serious sin because it is an affront to my character, for complaining says to me, “God I don’t like what you are doing in my life, and if I were you, I’d do this different””

Talk about profound, but it is true, and when I watched his sermon last night, it reminded me of dating and singleness, because the single season is a wandering season. How many of us, including I, have said, “Lord, when will it happen” or “Lord, you are taking too long?”

To the Lord, we are doing a horrible thing and it’s not trusting God’s plan, and when we don’t trust, we just settle for what’s convenient, and we end up missing God’s blessing and the right person for us.

It’s a tough message, but a good one that needs to be said before you ever think about marriage. (Trust me, this post was not easy for me to write either for it is tough to hear as a single person.)

I out of all people understand singleness more than the average person. I revealed to the internet of not ever having a relationship, but in my honest opinion, I don’t want a man to view me as “another girlfriend,” but I want him to view me as a woman he would want as his wife, so I am waiting patiently for that kind of man, because that kind of man who will take my hand and walk with me towards Christ in brokenness and joy is worth waiting for.

“To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:” Ecclesiastes 3:1

However, settling is easy, but when a person settles, they’ll always wonder, “What if I waited on God just one second longer” or “What if I just trusted God more?” There is a reason why we read about the Israelites, and it so we can learn from them. The Israelites were only meant to wander for one year, yet due to their disobedience and willingness to do things their way, the wandered for 40 years.

In the end, the moral of the story of the Israelites is that settling is never worth it in the end, because it will make our wilderness longer than what it is supposed too, because if God can do it to the Israelites, then He can lengthen our wilderness season too.

When I first learned this lesson on my own, my heart dropped. It was like a punch in the gut, but I knew it was true. When you do things your way by settling, you will not marry the right person, you will not have the marriage you desire, and you will not be blessed, because God does not bless bad behavior, but He blesses those who wait upon Him.

Another punch to the gut, right?

The truth is, is that not every Christian is meant to be your spouse, and just because they are a Christian, that does not mean they are meant to be your spouse, because only one person is being shaped and molded to fit your life so that they can encourage you to be more like Christ, because it would be saddening to settle for someone and end up missing the person that God was going to bless you with.

Not every woman can be your missing rib, and not every man can be your beloved, but only one person on this earth can be.

“But now, O Lord,
You are our Father;
We are the clay, and You our potter;
And all we are the work of Your hand.” Isaiah 64:8

Only one person was in mind when God was thinking about your future, not many, and that is why settling is dangerous, because why settle when someone on this earth was created with you in the back of God’s mind? Why settle for someone when someone on this earth will be the person you need them to be, and why settle when there is someone on this earth who is praying for you?

I believe God is the Creator of all stories, and He knows what is best for our lives, and He also knows who is best fit for our lives, and so we could choose who we marry, but it wouldn’t be as good as waiting on God, now would it? Would you rather have a never-changing, Holy, Justified, and All-knowing God write your love story or  you whose feelings are always changing, are always failing, and who doesn’t know the future?

Therefore, whether we are aware of it or not, someone is praying that you wait for them.

Someone right now on this earth is praying that you stay strong, that you stay diligent, and that Christ protects you, and yet we don’t think of our spouses in impatience, we think about what we want.

“There is a way that seems right to a man,
But its end is the way of death.” Proverbs 14:13

Instead of viewing singleness as a horrible time, say,“I want to wait on the Lord,” “My spouse is worth waiting for,” “My spouse is praying for me,” and “I want to know that I waited for them rather than doing what I felt,” because your feelings are not God, for God is more than our feelings, for He is never changing and constant; therefore, you would want Him to write your love story than you, because though the person you will settle for may seem harmless and good, it could lead to your destruction, because though a way may seem good to a man, it brings destruction.

A big reason not to settle is that you should wait on God, not your feelings. Yes, singleness can be horrid, it can be desolate, but you should still wait on the Lord. We must do all things without grumbling, and if we cannot love God now in our singleness, we will not love God in marriage, nor will we be content with the person we marry in the end, for if we cannot be content with the Lord, we will never be content with a spouse.

With that being said, marriage is a selfless pursuit, yet settling will make a marriage break due to selfishness, because we didn’t wait wait on God. (Tough message, right?)

The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,
To the soul who seeks Him.” Lamentations 3:25

There is one thing worse than begin single and it is settling for someone. When you settle for someone rather than staying faithful to His promises, then we cannot expect God to bless that marriage if we just settled. All good things happen to those who wait and love Him, yet we cannot expect blessings if we are not willing to walk the wilderness season or if we are not willing to wait patiently for that person who prays for us, but I get it; truly I do.

This post is convicting for me, and I am the one writing it.

Therefore, I understand, for I am the first person who can say, “I get it.” This is coming from a woman who is probably the most single woman on the planet, but settling is not worth risking the right person, it is not worth marrying due to a person being convenient, and you should not marry just because you do not want to be single anymore, which is a very common reason for settling and whatnot.

Therefore,

Before you settle, realize that when you do settle you are ultimately giving up the right person for you.

Before you settle, realize that someone out there is praying that you wait for them.

Before you settle, ask yourself if you can wait on God just one more second.

Before you settle, ask yourself, “Is settling worth risking a God written love story?”

Before you settle, realize that when we settle, we are settling for less than God’s blessing, and a marriage out of settlement will not be blessed.

As I mentioned, not every woman can be your missing rib, and not every man can be the beloved you seek, so why be willing to settle for ninety-nine different people when only one is meant to be your spouse?

God didn’t present many women to Adam, but He made one for him, and so He made one person for all of us that is woven to fit our lives and to show His glory.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
 In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

In the end, if God can create the heavens and the earth in just seven days, He can change our seasons in just one, and how bad would we feel if we settled right before that day of change was about to arrive?

Therefore, don’t settle for someone that you ended up missing the one that was meant for you!

Don’t just desire any Christian marriage, but desire a marriage that is blessed, and a settled marriage isn’t going to be blessed. In the end, don’t you want to be able to say that you waited on the Lord and didn’t settle, because again, when you settle, you may end up missing the person  that was meant for you, and this is what makes marriages sadly fail due to not waiting on God, because if God isn’t in it, He won’t bless it, and if we do not wait, then we cannot expect God to be in the midst of our marriage.

Therefore, there is one thing worse than being single, and it’s settling for less than God’s best, and due to settling, you will miss out on the marriage you seek due to not waiting on God, for how can we expect God’s blessing in a marriage when we settled and did not wait?

If God can punish the Israelites for their disobedience and unwillingness to wait on Him, then what makes us think God cannot do that to us?

Wait on the Lord,

Submerge yourself in his Word,

And walk the wilderness season with Christ, and one day the right person will come into your life. God is the Author, not you, so don’t try to take the pen, don’t try to write your own love story, and don’t settle, because though you may be okay with settling now, in the future, you will regret not waiting on God, so remember that though this season is desolate, it is so much better than wondering what would have happened if you waited.

I highly suggest you watch that sermon, and though it is not directly about marriage, it most certainly can be about it, and it convicted me when I first watched it, so if you want to be convicted and refined, I highly recommend it. (You can also see it on my Instagram stories of snippets of major points under “sermons” if you’d rather do that.)

7 thoughts on “When it Comes to Marriage, Never Settle, For God Will Not Bless A Settled Marriage

  1. I agree that we should not settle when it comes to marriage. But there is nothing in scripture that suggests there is just one person we are supposed to marry. Proverbs 31 gives Kingdom Man (Christian) guidelines on making their choice,her character and faith should be in confines of the scripture. In 1 Corinthians 7, the Apostle Paul tells single women to seriously consider their singleness, but whether to get married is up to them as long as their potential Husband is in God. If the Bible clearly says, it’s entirely your choice whether or not to get married, then our subjective feelings and reasoning should not override the Truth of the scripture.

    There is nothing in scripture that tells us that God has one particular person for us, whether we marry and who we marry is something the scripture tells us He allows us to choose.

    Is it possible for God has told a couple to get married? He’s God He can do that so I’m not going to say that can never happen. All I’m saying is that the scriptures teach that marriage is our choice.

    As Singles reading this, if marriage is God’s will for you then I admonish that you look for character qualities in a spouse that the Bible speaks of. What I’m saying may not be what Singles want to hear especially to the Single Woman waiting on her “Boaz.”

    This is what I petition to all Singles reading my response: just because you think God wants you to marry one particular person doesn’t mean He does. And just because He doesn’t stop you from marry doesn’t mean He’s in agreement with your decision. He didn’t stop a lot of people who committed murder who are now in prison.

    He will be with you during that marriage and give you the grace and the power of the Holy Spirit to live by your decision, but He has stated in His word that it is your decision.

    While the Bible doesn’t speak about who you’re supposed to marry it does give you the process to make decisions through applying Biblical principles, seeking wise counsel and basing your decision on right priorities.

    I know I may have hit a nerve. Thank you for allowing me to comment.

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    1. Oh, no, you’re fine, Kim! I think you should have a say in how you feel. I do agree with you; however, God directs all our steps, and sometimes what we think is good leads to our demise, and this can be with people too. Therefore, I do believe God plays a roll in marriage because God is the Author and Creator and sees what we do not see.

      Not every Christian is meant to be our spouse, and our feelings are not God. Our feelings constantly change or aren’t on the things of the Lord; therefore, we should want God to be the one to write our love story due to Him being never-changing and seeing all the things behind the scenes.

      However, when people explain why they divorced, they normally say it is because they settled due to thinking that is all they could get or that the aren’t getting any younger, and these are two horrible reasons to marry, for it’s thinking selfishly and not selflessly, and God will not bless anything that is done impatiently or without trust in the Lord. The Lord may allow the marriage, but He won’t bless the marriage, which will then come crumbling down due to settlement, hence the reason we should trust God rather than our own feelings when it comes to something big like marriage.

      Though the Bible does not say “I have a spouse for you,” I do believe God writes all stories, for it is He that is in control, and though we do have free will, we should choose to follow the Will of the Lord, for our own will can lead us to destruction.

      Anyway, I would want God to choose my husband because God sees the future, He knows all things, and He is the Author of love, and I think all Christians should trust God rather than placing this into their hands because it is not by our strength and we can get it wrong, and getting it wrong can lead to our destruction

      God bless you Kim, and thank you for your insight! 🙂

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      1. Thank you Ms Christina Lee for allowing me to share! This is good dialogue.

        As Christians we are called to live according to what the word says and not our feelings. Have you ever made a decision simply because it felt right but then later regretted it? I know have. That could go be relationships, a job or even buying a product. My point is I agree every Christian isn’t meant to be our spouse. When the scripture says be not unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14) that’s not just with sinners there are some Saints that don’t need to be linked together. I agree God is the Creator and He knows all things, He knows what we are going to do before we do because He’s omniscient. Deciding whom to marry is an important decision one can make that effects the rest of your life. Given the magnitude of this decision, it’s only natural to want reassurance that it’s the right person. I agree the Bible does say that God guides and direct our steps. The Bible also says there are many plans in a man’s heart but it’s God’s purpose that will prevail (Proverbs 19:21). Growing in faith means we learn to hear God’s voice. However, it’s possible for our personal desire to cloud our judgement. It’s wise to seek God when deciding to marry your spouse. If we want to know what type of character to look for in a person then we should look to the word on what a Kingdom and Kingdom Woman models. As a Single who is not in a dating relationship marriage shouldn’t be the focal point but there isn’t anyone there to consider. We should be focusing on a relationship with Christ, seeking first His Kingdom and righteousness (Matthew 6:33) if God adds marriage to your life in the midst of seeking Him first then that’s great. But the Bible tells us that if we are Single then we are called to be Single Until we do marry (1 Corinthians 7). It’s impossible to be content in singleness if we are romanticized about being married.

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      2. I have enjoyed talking with you too, Kim! I do agree with you that we should look for traits we want in a godly spouse that go according to the Word, for every godly spouse should have certain traits that are deemed good in the eyes of God.

        I also agree that our personal feelings can cloud judgement, and we should go to the Lord for clarity if the person is the right one or not, which is why we should also go into prayer with the Lord over His will due to our personal feelings being very misleading.

        Overall, I do agree that we should be content in singleness and grow in the Lord, for if we cannot grow in Christ while single, we cannot grow in marriage.

        Thank you, Kim, for your thoughts, for I enjoy them, and I am thankful for our conversation! God bless you! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Good view point. I’ve heard several women of God say they rushed into marriage, it fell apart and God asked them if they were ready for the man He picked! The world thinks it’s the new way to do things: one spouse to have children with, one spouse to have grand children with. I’m so glad God has sustained our marriage through 38 years of times that weren’t easy and almost ended before our 19th anniversary. We’ve shared raising our children, their marriages, nine grandchildren and are coming into a new, maturing relationship I’m so glad the Lord kept us together for. Truly “come walk with me; the best is yet to be”!

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    1. That is amazing! I hope to be married that long one day, and I do agree, many women and men rush into marriage rather than asking, “Lord, is this your Will,” and I truly believe that marriages would last longer if many would trust the Lord and wait upon Him for the season of marriage.

      Thank you so much for commenting, and God bless you! 🙂

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      1. Hi, Christina, good morning from Brazil! 🙂

        Let me also offer my point of view, as I believe it may be helpful.

        As far as I can understand your intuition, understanding, and prudence about the reality of a couple formation and relationship are correct.

        There is a favorable chemistry and another unfavorable chemistry; which can lead to SUCCESS or FAILURE.

        Each person gathers a universe of information in their personal life story. Thus, a relationship between two people is an event involving UNIVERSES, distinct personal and social, referring to the history of each of the people involved.

        The MIX and BALANCE of all variables need not be subject to chance and luck.

        You know, and those who have FAITH know that they can and should ask for the LORD’s guidance and help.

        Only the LORD knows and can administer infinite variables in the sense of GOOD and PEACE.

        To bake a piece of bread are need the specific ingredients, in the right proportions, in the precise baking time, under proper conditions.
        Thus, we will see the miracle of creation appear, and feed those who have applied themselves in the art of its preparation.

        I’m more than twice your age, I’m single and never married, but it took my life to understand this chemistry in this Way, and the LORD has helped me with this.

        Blessings, for you and everyone!

        Like

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