A Single Woman’s Thoughts on Dating and Imperfectly Redeemed Men

I strayed form my typical dating and marriage posts not to long ago, but at the end of 2017, I began to blog heavily on dating and marriage, and many of my most viewed posts deal with dating and marriage, and so I am returning to that scene wanting to share a single woman’s wisdom on this season of singleness, but I’ll also post many other topics, but I do want to somewhat focus on what I did for a long time, and that my was journey through singleness.

My last “Single Woman’s Thoughts” went very well, and I quite like that kind of thing where I open the dialogue on different topics, and we are going to begin post two of this type of post with a very generic question, and this post is a good one to write, because I have believed this way since I was 16, and I am in my twenties, so this post ages with time in a good way.

Does any other single person have their family members ask, “When are you getting married” or “When are you going to date?” I love my family, and I know my family does not mean ill, but some of my older family members, the ones who love Hallmark like I do, ask me this a lot. “Christina, when are you gong to find yourself a husband and have some kids?”

As I’ve written before, I have made it known to the entire internet that I’ve never dated; not one man, and to make it even worse, as if I haven’t had enough embarrassing of myself online, I’ve never been on a date yet, so I am a rare woman that you will not come by, and it’s not because I don’t want to date, but it’s because I want to get married, and I don’t want to date someone who isn’t intentional like I am.

“Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.” Proverbs 31:10

I am an intentional woman, and I am a thoughtful woman; therefore, I don’t want to be viewed as another girlfriend, but I want to be viewed as a potential wife. I want a man to look at me and say, “I want her as my wife” rather than just dating me, because I want to get married and have children, and so I want intentional relationships.

I am the kind of woman who doesn’t like the idea of dating many men just to get my heartbroken, and do not believe I have to date a lot of men to fall in love. If I only fall in love with one man, then I will be more than happy with that, but I don’t want to fall in love with a list of men just to end up heartbroken. With that being said, I do not have walls, and it’s not because I am afraid, it’s just the fact that I do not like the idea of constantly dating and then breaking up. 

Therefore, I like the idea of falling in love once, so I want to date intentionally, with a goal in mind, and that goal is marriage and children; therefore, I want a beautiful love story where we both want to find imperfect spouses, and where we both want be more like Jesus and who inspire each other to be more like Jesus even through the bad times.

However, ever since I was a young girl at the age of 15 or 16, I began to desire wanting to get married one day. I remember sitting in my room after reading a book on godly marriage, and I said, “Lord, I don’t want to date until the right man comes along,” and I haven’t dated at all, and I am quite sure the Lord gave me what I prayed for.

I always knew deep down that I wasn’t going to be the kind of woman to date constantly, and my feeling was right, because I haven’t dated at all and I am twenty-something year old woman. Again, I am the kind of woman who wants to fall in love once and that’s it. I don’t want to fall in love over and over, I don’t want so many heartaches, but I want one love story, a beautiful love story woven by God where I fall in love hard.

There is one thing I’ve always prayed for; something I hope God gives me, and I will always say it until it happens; I want a man who will take my hand and walk the narrow path with me even through brokenness and joy. That is the root of my desire, the core of my yearning; a man who will walk closer to Christ with me even if it means we have to walk through broken moments, trials, and through the fire.

I cannot express how much I want that, because even when you are married, you will have to walk the narrow path, and I want someone who will walk it with me while also going into prayer with me.

In life, we all go through things, we all go through struggles, and we all have a story someway or another, and I don’t want a Prince Charming, but I want a man who shows me his brokenness and scars. I have had broken moments in my life, and so I understand brokenness in some ways, and I want someone who understands that as well.

To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.”” Isaiah 61:3

I want someone who understands that brokenness is turned into beauty by the grace of God, and who understands that marriage is so much more than the wedding day, but it’s when two imperfect people selflessly become one as they walk towards Christ, and I will wait for that kind of man, because I couldn’t imagine giving my heart away to anyone else, because I don’t want a perfect man, I want imperfect, redeemed man.70589437_10156479636941961_967330568972795904_n

“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

With the way the world is at wanting to achieve the perfect body, the perfect image, and the perfect persona, I want to be with a man who isn’t afraid to show me all of his brokenness and imperfections no matter how deep or confusing it might be, because if Christ can love and forgive us in our darkest, then so can I, and I don’t want the typical Christian guy, I want the man who has a grace-filled life and beautiful brokenness.

When we look in the Bible, David and Paul were two men who did things in their lives that were broken, yet they had the biggest hearts for the Lord, and so some women have it wrong. If you want a man who loves the Lord, don’t look for a perfect man, look for the man who was broken and imperfect, but redeemed.

And that is what I wanted since I was a young girl, because people are so caught up in the “I want a Prince Charming” kind of love that they are forgetting that some of the most devoted lovers of the Lord were broken men themselves, and until I find such a man, I am going to be single, because I don’t want a “perfect love,” I want a beautiful love story with an imperfect man where we are chasing the Lord, because imperfect people love the Lord the most due to experiencing the grace of God in such a personal way.

According to the grace of God which was given to me, as a wise master builder I have laid the foundation, and another builds on it. But let each one take heed how he builds on it. For no other foundation can anyone lay than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ.” 1 Corinthians 3:10-11

In the end, it isn’t about him or me, it’s about Christ, and Christ must be made first or else it will fail, for anything placed above the Lord is an idol and wrong. Therefore, I ultimately want to marry someone who sees their need for Christ daily, who drinks deeply from the well, who understands what it means to be deeply rooted, and who views marriage as a way where Christ can be reflected.

So yes, I am single, and I don’t know when this will change. I also don’t know when the things I pray for will finally open for me, but I know that though I am single, waiting for a redeemed man who will want to walk towards Christ with me is worth waiting many years for, and it’s worth all the endless questions I’ve been asked. 

Because I don’t want to just date, I want a love story where Christ is reflected in our love, and that is something you don’t come by often, but that’s something I want.

And if I only fall in love once, and even if it takes a lifetime to find such a man, I’ll still faithfully wait.

 

3 thoughts on “A Single Woman’s Thoughts on Dating and Imperfectly Redeemed Men

  1. I think it’s very admirable the stance you have as it relates to relationships. However, I just would like to add as Kingdom Women we should not be looking for a our man. The scripture says nothing about women seeking out to be found by a man, but simply He is to find her (Proverbs 18:22).

    The man finds his wife, when he is ready and properly prepared to lead a household. The Bible says He that finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. When we are looking to find him we are not allowing him to fulfill his role. When a Kingdom Man is not looking for a wife it’s because God is still working on him.

    As single Kingdom Women, also, we should be prepared in Christ, focusing ourselves on being a Kingdom Woman then we’ll qualify to be a potential wife.

    We have to evaluate ourselves and find out if we are as ready as we are leading ourselves to believe. The Bible says you are a good thing, but you have to be lost in order to be found. Lost where? In the things of God.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you, Kim for your insight! I desire and pray for the day I am to be a wife, and I desire the day a man wants me to be his wife. I also pray that day comes soon, and while I am waiting, I pray to always be consumed in the Lord, because as you said, Christian women need to be preparing in Christ, for virtuous living begins in singleness before ever entering marriage!I thoroughly enjoyed your comment and your wisdom. God bless you! 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  2. 24 For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for?

    25 But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it.

    26 Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.

    27 And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.

    28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

    29 For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.

    30 Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified.

    31 What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?

    32 He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?

    33 Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God’s elect? It is God that justifieth.

    34 Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.

    35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?

    36 As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.

    37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

    38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,

    39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

    Romans 8:24-39

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