Within the past two days, five of my friends became engaged, plus one of my friends was married on Saturday, and these rapid engagements have inspired me to write about love. It’s as if there was a sale on engagement rings or if love has struck, but there’s one thing for certain; singleness is still my season, and to be honest, I’m happy for my friends, but deep down in the pits of my soul there lurks a voice that whispers, “God when shall it be my turn?”
It’s quite obvious in most of my dating posts that my journey to marriage isn’t going as planned. In fact, I haven’t ever had an official boyfriend, and to reveal such embarrassing details to the internet for all to read can be quite odd, but it’s the truth; I’m a twenty-something year old woman who’s never been in one relationship.
Many women my age are getting married or either on their fourth boyfriend or so, and I haven’t even stepped one foot into a relationship, and it’s not because I don’t want too, but it’s just that I’m single. It’s kind of hard to explain at times to people who can easily jump into relationships left and right, but as a young woman who wants to get married, I want to think along the lines of marriage rather than just casual dating at this point in my life.
In reality, I don’t have “prince charmings” knocking on my door like other women, I don’t have messages or direct messages from various men that all these women now sing about in songs, and I am the girl who is single when everyone else isn’t single.
However, within the years, I have curated many thoughts on love, marriage, relationships, and on all the things that seem to be floating around, so when I think about love, I do not think about those “butterfly feelings,” for while those feelings are normal and wonderful, it isn’t the entirety of love, for love is so much more than a feeling. I want a love that is willing to walk through the fire and come out on the other side unscathed due to being rooted in Christ. I want a love that loves every broken part of a person, and I want a love that is able to look past a person’s scars and see them as a forgiven person who is lavished in the perfect grace of Christ.
“Two are better than one,
Because they have a good reward for their labor.
For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
I want a love where a man chooses to love me even if loving me is difficult and even if his feelings tell him otherwise. I want a love where a man chooses to love me even if I am in turmoil or in a spiritual warfare, and I want a love where a man cares about my walk with Christ, my battles, and my struggles and who will not run away when things get difficult. However, these things go both ways, for I cannot expect a man to love me as such if I cannot love him the same.
And if we have to be very honest, I want a man who will lead me to Jesus before ever thinking about leading me to a bedroom, because quite frankly, love isn’t just sex, for love is so much more than that. Though it is God’s gift in a marriage, I don’t want that as the foundation or the defining part of my marriage, but I want Christ, selflessness, and the needs of each other as the defining parts, for Christ is the only one who can help you through hard times in a marriage.
Therefore, I want a man to marry me because he wants me as his wife, as his encouragement in Christ, as the mother of his children, and as a the woman who will commit to walking with Him on the narrow path together even when things get difficult, not because of sex.
At the end of the day, love is being able to stay by someone’s side even if they have had a past, love is being able to stay by someone’s side even if they are going through tribulation, love is being able to look at someone’s brokenness and see the beauty within them, and love is being able to guide someone to truth rather than leaving them due to difficulty. Love is also staying by their side in sickness and in health, and love is the combining of two souls who both utterly love Jesus even in their imperfection.
“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no ev,il; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
At the end of the day, my future marriage isn’t going to be about me, for when I become a wife, it’ll be about me being selfless to my future husband as he is selfless to me. My love for him has to be selfless, kind, does not envy, and so forth, and I want to walk down the aisle knowing that Christ will be the foundation on which we stand on.
I want to be an encouragement to a man’s walk with Christ, for marriage will come with trials. I want to be able to be a listening ear, a gentle soul, a tender woman, and a wife who seeks to understand even if understanding is difficult, for I want a love that is tender and doesn’t think about what “I want,” but thinks, ‘What does he need?”
“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8
Though singleness may be a wilderness season that I am not quite fond of at this point in my life, it’ll be worth it when I have a marriage that reflects Christ, and I will love like Christ does, for in our darkest He still loved. As I reflect on my current season, I choose to find hope in Christ, for at the end of the day, Christ is the only one who can truly satisfy that void within me, and whatever I place above Him will fall.
As I pray for the next season to start sooner rather than later, I glorify Christ, I fall in love with Him daily, and I find joy in the one who made a way when no way was possible, for it is because of Him that I am able to understand the concept of love, and I want to be so in love with Jesus, that my love for Christ is the thing that is attractive rather than the outside, for though the outside beauty fades, the inside beauty will never fade, and the inner beauty of a gentle and quiet soul is the beauty I want a man to fall in love with, so whether I date or not, and no matter how many more people I know are getting engaged, I will hold true to the love that will be worth every single moment of my single season.
And with that being said, these are the many thoughts that have rummaged in my mind about love from a single woman in one post.