There is a part two to this “How to Handle Sexual Desires as a Single Christian Woman,” type post, and if you want, you can read part one here, but you most certainly can continue reading this one regardless of reading the first one; however, I highly suggest reading it, for I do believe that we need to begin talking about how to handle sexual desires in the Christian women community, for I believe that sometimes, we can shut off these conversations without speaking about the importance of it.
As I began in part one, sex was created by God for married couples, and sex is wrong when it is done outside the confines of marriage. However, we sometimes, unintentionally, slip into the thinking of “let’s never talk about the good. and only focus on why we should not have sex until marriage,” and while I do agree that we should place a big emphasis on waiting and abstaining until marriage, we need to focus not only the “bad” in pre-marital sex, but also on how good sex is waiting until marriage.
As a single woman who is a twenty-something year old virgin, I want to give insight on this topic. God made us humans sexual beings to express these feelings for our spouses, and while we are single, we have to know how to manage and handle these feelings, for we are not perfect robots who never have temptations, desires, or thoughts of lust.
Tip One: Do not give into societal woes
The world is against God, we all know this to be a proven fact, and in 2019, being promiscuous is being deemed as “good,” while being a virgin who is waiting for marriage is deemed as “prude” or “wrong.” We live in what is called “Hookup Culture,” and this culture is the most damaging, problematic, and soul killing “culture” to live in, for sex creates soul ties, it makes two people become one, and it is more than just “sex.” for there are many psychological factors behind it.
We live in a “have sex with who you want when you want” kind of world, which is being promoted everywhere. It is promoted on TV, social media, radio, music, Hollywood, magazines, and even on college campuses. This culture is being forced at people, it is begin glorified, and everywhere you look, you will find something that deals with “Hookup Culture.”
As a virgin, I have had countless people ask me, “How will you know that you are meant to marry your future husband if you don’t have sex?” First off, I do not have to have sex with my future husband to know if God wants us to be married, and I do not have to have sex with my future husband to know if I am in love with Him, for love is not just sex, but it is deeper than that; therefore, my future husband and I do not have to sin to see if we are in love.
Some people do not understand how I can be waiting for my future husband, but I am a virgin because I refuse to give into “Hookup Culture,” for “Hookup Culture” only thinks about the “now” rather than who you are hurting. “Hookup Culture” only cares about living in the present, it only cares about pleasing your body, it is only about doing what “makes you happy,” and these ideologies are very harmful not only to the person you marry one day, but to yourself.
“Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.” Proverbs 31:10
God wanted more for us than to do what “Hookup Culture” says, for God says we are worth more than rubies, yet the world wants to devalue our worth, the world wants us to live in brokenness, and we do not have too. Therefore, do not give into the woes of this world, stay strong in Christ, and fill your mind with things of His Word, and He will be your strength.
Refuse to do what the world says is “okay,” for this world is an enemy to God, nor does the world seek to please God; therefore, seek Christ, seek to glorify Him, and seek to be like Christ, and as you become strong in Him, the more you be able to say “No” to what the world is presenting as “good.”
Tip Two: Do not view virginity as a bad thing, but view it as a sacred gift that once given away, has a “No return policy”
Have you ever given a gift to someone and they try to return it, but there are “no returns?” This analogy is somehow the exact basis of virginity as well. Once you give away your virginity, you cannot get it back, there are no returns, and once it is gone, it is gone. Now, this is not a bad thing if done in the marriage bed, and it is a beautiful thing, but “Hookup Culture” has placed a negative light on virginity instead of showing how precious it truly it.
Virginity is another gift of God, and what you do with it matters. He gave you that gift so you could give it to your future husband, He gave you that gift so that you can be an example of godly womanhood, and He gave you that gift not as a “curse,” but as way to say, “I am a virgin, and I am doing this God’s way.”
When we view virginity as “something that is horrible,” then we will not see the importance of it only going to our future husbands. Though we ache to get married and enjoy married life, while we are single, we must not formulate negative thoughts towards virginity or else we could allow temptation to arise in our hearts, which could result in us having to fight a battle within our soul.
“Keep your heart with all diligence,
For out of it spring the issues of life.” Proverbs 4:23
Being a virgin is not a bad thing, so view that gift as something you are reserving for your future husband. Guard your heart, your purity, and your mind. Become strong in God, become strong in the pursuit of waiting, and tell the world, “No, this belongs to my future husband, and I refuse to compensate,” for once you give that gift away, it is gone.
Now, God is willing and just to forgive you if you do stumble, but before you stumble, remember that virginity is not a curse, but it is a gift meant to be shared with your husband on your wedding night. It is a symbol of two becoming one, and sex was something that was created before sin entered the world; therefore, there is much importance in the power of waiting, for that gift is something that cannot be returned.
Tip Three: Understand that once you create a soul tie, it is hard to break lose
“and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.” Mark 10:8
A soul tie is an emotional connection to someone, and this normally occurs during sex. Though society says that there is nothing “emotional” about sex, there are a lot of emotional factors that are involved. In the eyes of God, you are becoming one soul, you are creating a soul tie, and you are allowing a man to have one of the most precious things you have, which should only be granted to your future husband.
Once you create a soul tie and the relationship breaks up, it will be devastating, and this is the most heartbreaking thing about “Hookup Culture” that society refuses to acknowledge. After a soul tie is created with a man who then later breaks of the relationship due to not wanting to marry you, you will find yourself not being able to break away from him, for he has that one thing that was so precious.
You will find it hard to let go, you will keep running to him, and you will be begging for God to give him back, for that soul tie is intertwined with your soul. In order to break a soul tie, it is going to take the power of God, which is possible if you humbly ask Him too, for He is willing and just to forgive of sins; however, before creating a soul tie, look at the future.
“Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body” 1 Corinthians 6:18
This man is not your husband, so do not give him your gift of virginity, for that will create a soul tie, which will then lead to you become heartbroken. Before giving into temptation, ask yourself, “Is this really worth it,” and then walk away. You future husband is worth so much more than those moments of weakness and temptation, and you are worth so much more than to feel shame for a soul tie that should not have been created, so seek Christ and understudy the weight behind sex.
Sex is not “causal,” sex is soul binding. Sex is powerful in the eyes of God, and if done pre-martially, it can destroy you, break you, and cause you to go down the wide path due to it’s “pleasures.” Therefore, understand that though sex is wonderful in the marriage bed, outside of the marriage bed, it is deadly and it is heartbreaking.
Find strength in Jesus, continue to grow in Him, ask God to take away any lustful desires, and always remember the man you will one day marry. Though you may wonder, “How can I remember the man who is not in my life yet,” it is crucial that we exaine ourselves and the choices we are making, for these same choices will impact the man we will one day marry, and we should always think about the way our actions may harm another person, for though it may seem insignificant now, one day, it will be significant to the man you will one day call your husband.
As a virgin, I am not only a virgin because “God says so,” but I am a virgin for my future husband, for I view him worth waiting for. I want him to know that he had a wife who selflessly denied the world and the world’s pleasures for him, and I want to enter the marriage bed a virgin, for I want to do things God’s way; therefore, I am waiting and I will never budge on my purity.
Purity and waiting until marriage are not supported by the world, but as Christians, we should wait until marriage. However, as I mentioned, if you are a Christian who messed up in the past and got right with the Lord, His grace is never-ending. Dedicate your life to Christ this day froward, and become an advocate for purity and waiting, for He has created a clean heart within you.
“Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.” James 4:4
Though the world may go left, we have to go right, for this world is not a friend of God; therefore, we should not allow the world to tell us what is acceptable or not, for though a way may seem right to a man, in the eyes of God, it leads to destruction, so stay strong in Christ, stay in His Word, and understand the man who will one day be your future husband, for though what you do now may not seem to matter, your future husband is praying for a godly woman who seeks truth, so be a woman who seeks truth.