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I got asked once “What the heck are you looking for in a guy,” and I think this opens the discussion to standards, seeking God, and just letting Him take the pen and you being still and having faith, but today, I thought I would go in depth on this question, for it is a good one. “What does one seek in a potential future spouse,” and though this question varies from person to person, I can only speak for myself, so this what a fellow godly woman finds attractive when it comes to standards, dating, and marriage.
Maturity in Christ and a love for Jesus that is never-ending
The one thing I do not like is immaturity, for I like to have very sincere conversations about Christ, and I want someone who can talk about tough topics and understand them on a deeper level. I want to be able to communicate and hold on a conversation with a man who can understand and add to the conversation rather than be confused.
I want a man who is growing in God and who is not stagnant in his faith, for when your faith is “halted,” you are not growing, you are not growing in God, and you are at a standstill, and I want a man who always seeks God and His direction, for the more he seeks God, the more spiritually mature he grows.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6
A man who seeks to always grow in Christ is also an attractive trait. A man who seeks to not stay in his “comfortable area,” but continuously seek to grow more stronger and more wiser, is a man worth getting to know. Growing pains hurt, but though they hurt, you are growing, you are becoming stronger, and you are becoming the person God wants you to be, so a man who seeks to continuously grow, is a man that not only shows maturity, but is a man with a strong dedication to Christ.
A Man who Respects Purity
I am a young woman who is waiting until marriage, and a man has to respect my purity and my desire of waiting until marriage. If a man cannot respect me now, then he will not respect me when we are married one day, so men who respect purity and themselves is an attractive man. Sure, virginity is “taboo” in 2018, but godly men should stand out and say “No” to sexual immorality for it will destroy you.
“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.” Philippians 4:4-8
A man who seeks to think of things that are noble, pure, and good is a man I am looking for. I am a woman who believes that my future husband is the only man who has a right to my gift of virginity, and I want a man who will cherish my purity and not steal it from the man who it rightfully belongs to.
A Man who is Responsible
Responsibly can be a hard pill to swallow at times, but a man who steps up and takes responsibility is a noble and courageous man. A man who seeks to be the bigger person instead of stooping down to another person’s level, is a man that is worth waiting for.
You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. 16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:14-16
A man who is not looking for a “way out” or looking to blame others is radiant. Godly men should see to be a light in the dark world for other men to see. A godly man who seeks to be responsible, honest, and to show integrity in all he does, is a man who I would love to have as a husband, for he would show our future children that being responsible is important, for taking easy way outs is not the way to go.
A Man Who intentional
I do not want a man who is going to lead me off a dead end, for that only leads to heartache, pain, and time that would go down as “gone” or wasted. I am an intentional woman, and I want a man who is intentional. I want a man to pursue me, I want a man to be honest in his pursuit, and I want a man to have a goal in mind as he is pursuing me such as seeing where things could go.
You do not go shopping with the intention of not buying anything, so why would you date without the intention to find “the one;” therefore, I want a man who is intentional, and who will pursue me wholeheartedly.
A Man who can Lead
“And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.” Galatians 6:9
Due to him being a future husband, he will need to lead me and our future children, so he will need to be steadfast. Marriage is all about co-dependency on Christ, and it is a representation of Christ and His relationship to us, and Jesus is the leader, and a man is supposed to lead like Christ. If a man cannot be steadfast when he is single, then what makes him think he will be a steadfast husband when he is married?
The same could go for a woman, for if a woman is not a godly woman before marriage, then what makes her think she will be godly after marriage? If you are not strong in Christ and your relationship with Him, then you will never be able to be strong in a future marriage, so both men and women can take away from this one.
However, a man who shows leadership qualities, a strong devotion to God, and a strong foundation in His Word, His love, and His grace, is an attractive man, and he is a man that I consider husband-material.
A Man who is Radiant in Christ
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
My favorite word is “radiance,” for I love the meaning. When I think of radiance, I think of brightness and life, and I want a man to be a light on a hill that is seen! I want a man to be so dedicated to God, that all will see Christ radiating from within Him. A man who is passionate about Jesus, who is in love with His Word, and who cannot get enough of Jesus, is a man who is captivating, inspiring, and is a man who will challenge you to continue to grow in God.
Radiance also is displayed by having a smile on your face, for smiling says a whole lot about a person, and it shows radiance, joy, and happiness. Though the appearance is not the biggest factor when looking for someone, I do want a man to have some physical traits such as: smiles all the time, has eyes filled with joy instead of dullness, and has Christ radiating from his countenance.
No matter what trials you go through on this earth, you always have a reason to smile, because Jesus gave you a reason to smile! I try to smile no matter what, because no matter how hard Satan tries to knock me down, he will never be able to take away the joy that the Lord has given me, and I want to find a man who has that same view.
Smiling is contagious, and you want to find someone who strives to be positive instead of negative, for negativity does not bring us closer to God.
I would rather have a man who is crazy about Jesus than a man who puts faith on the back burner, because a man who is crazy about Jesus will know your worth, will encourage you, and will be able to help you during spiritual warfare, and that is a man I would want to be by my side at all times.
A Man who Loves Children
I want to have four children, so a man who loves children is extremely attractive. I love children and they are my passion, I want to be a homemaker, I want to be a busy mom, and I want to find a man who shares that same love of children as I do. A man who hates children is a man who concerns me, for what did children do to him, why would a person hate children, and why is his heart hardened? Children are a blessing from the Lord, and I want to find a man who would be willing to have children, because I love them so much, that I want a man to share that same desire of children as I do.
These are my 7 qualities that I like in a man, and if you can see, I did not mention anything about physicality, for that is only the surface, and the surface fades away. Though it is okay and perfectly normal to find a man attractive, it is not the “do all, be all” factor, for the inside is more important then the outside shell, for the true attractiveness of a man is hidden within his heart, and I want to fall in love with a man’s heart rather than the outside that will one day fade away.
I want a man I can grow in Christ with, a man who I will fall in love with everyday I wake up, and I want a man who I will constantly choose to love, for marriage is not just the “honeymoon phase,” and there will be hard times, and I want to find a godly man to go through those hard times with.
As a godly woman, I understand that I need these qualities as well. It is not right to expect these things out of a man if I cannot give the same in a relationship, so I also put the spotlight on me when it comes to standards, for my future husband expects me to rise to high standards as well. It can be easy to focus on the other person and what they can bring to the table, but do not forget to examine yourself, for you also have a weight to pull in the relationship, and a marriage is not just a “godly husband” but it is also a godly wife.
If you cannot focus on Christ, then don’t seek a relationship right now, for it will crumble. Anything you put before God will fail until you put Him first, and until you do, all things will seem as if it is going bad. In the end, make sure you are strong in Christ,and give Him the pen to your love story and trust Him\m, for He will write the most beautiful love story if you trust Him.