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Recently, my mom and I have been talking about “Red Flags.” When you see warning signs in a person’s character, or If you see red flags in various ways, do not ignore them for they will only get worse nor will they get better. However, no person is perfect, but there are major things you should look at, and thought I am a single woman, I have a few very prominent red flags that every Christian should be catious of.
Red Flag One: They do not understanding what picking up their cross means.
“Then He said to them all, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me.” Luke 9:23
Following Christ takes sacrifice and picking up your cross, and if you are unwilling to do that, then following Christ will become a last priority to you. However, we are not perfect. We will have battles, we will stumble, and we will struggle, but we should find strength in Christ during these struggles, for He is our strength, our healer, and our Redeemer.
Red Flag Two: He doesn’t respect your purity
Purity is something I hold strong too and I refuse to change my mind on it. I am a woman who believes in waiting, and though waiting is considered “taboo” in 2019, I want to wait for marriage and for my future husband, for I truly believe that he is worth the wait. However, if the person you are dating does not respect your purity, then that is a major warning sign, for a person should push you towards Christ, not away from Him.
“Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” Hebrews 13:4
A person who cannot respect you now will not respect you later, so if a man ignores your wishes, then that isn’t respect, and it will cause problems in a marriage. A man is to love his wife like Christ loves the church, and being disrespectful is not showing the love of Christ. Anyways, a man who makes you question your purity is a man you should let go of, because a real man would lead you to marriage and not into sin.
Red Flag Three: Major Disagreements
If you are dating someone who has quite a substantial amount of disagreements with you, then it will cause a future full of conflict. Though they say “opposites attract,” you should find a person who has the same desires as you do when it comes to children and other choices. If you want children, then you shouldn’t be with a person who doesn’t want them. If you want to raise your children in truth, then don’t date a man who’s an atheist or has a lacking of faith. Many people ignore these major differences when dating due to them not being married yet, but what happens when you are married and your spouse doesn’t want children or doesn’t want their children being raised on godly principles?
“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?” 2 Corinthians 6:14
Having standards is okay, and it will weed out the people who can cause conflict later on, so do not be afraid to know what you want in a future spouse or else it can cause potential problems to arise later on.
Red Flag Four: Lust
Lust and love are two completely different things, and lust is not only an issue with men, but it is can be an issue with women too. Society has pinned “lust” as a man’s sin, yet there are plenty of women who are guilty of it too. Lust dies fast and it will go away, and after the lust is gone, then what? You want someone to pursue you because he loves you, not because of lust. Love goes past the surface and towards the heart while lust is only the outside desire.
“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is loving a person regardless of their flaws, love is choosing to love the person even when they seem to be annoying or “hard to deal with” at times, and love is loving someone like Christ loves them. Love is when you love someone even if they have scars and a past of pain, and love is when you can look past the ruble and see their beauty. You fall in love with the inside of a person, and that never fades, which is why a marriage will last much longer when you truly fall in love with a person than allowing lust to get in the way.
Find a person who will love you unconditionally and without limits, find a person who will fall in love with your heart, and find a person who will love you regardless of your flaws, for love and lust are two differently things that are not interchangeable.
Red Flag Five: Doesn’t Bare the Fruits
““Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore by their fruits you will know them.” Matthew 7:15-20
The fruits of the Spirit are mentioned many times in the Bible, and you know others by their fruits. By the fruits you will know them, and a follower of Christ bears many fruits of the Holy Spirit. Though we all tend to struggle with certain fruits, you will still be able to tell if a person is loving, kind, gentle, and has a genuine love for Christ.
If a guy seems to always be hostile, isn’t gentle towards anyone, seems to get angry very easily, is not humble, is not helpful, and is very arrogant, this is a red flag. When it comes to finding a spouse, you want your future husband to be selfless, loving, kind, slow to anger, helpful, and a man who will be proactive in your children’s lives.
A man who is selfish and has a lack of care shows signs of being absent in his roles of both a father and a husband, so instead of dating a man who’s faith is lacking, tell him to find Christ before finding a wife.
The Final Red Flag: He doesn’t respect his mother
If a man does not respect the woman who gave birth to him, then how do you expect Him to respect you? A mother gives birth to her children, she sacrifices her life for her children, and she does so much for her children, and a man who does not respect his mom is a man you should send down the road.
““Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.” Exodus 20:12
You can tell a lot about a man by the way he interacts with his mother, for he will one day interact with you in the same way. God commands us to be obedient to our parents, and if a man cannot obey his mother, he will not be able to love you like Christ loves the church. If you marry a man who is not loving, respectful, or obedient, then you will find many issues, which will cause a big strain on your marriage.
Not only will he disrespect you, but a man who disrespects his mother will be teaching his kids that his behavior is “okay,” which is a big red flag. Children learn their behaviors from their parents, which is why it is important to marry a godly man who will be an example to his children. The man you marry will be the example your children will go by as well as you, and a man who is not loving to his mother will on day teach his children that the behavior is okay when it is not.
In the end, these are the top red flags that you must look for when it comes to potential men that could end up being a potential husband. If a man has one of these red flags, then chances are, he isn’t the one God has for you, for He will send you a man who is the best man for you.
Red flags should not be ignored, for they are warning signs from God, so heed them as they come. When you ignore them, you are allowing yourself to be subjected to future problems that could be avoided, and you should not settle for less than God’s best, so always pray, be watchful, and take warning signs into account when getting to know a man.