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Recently, my mom and I have been talking about “Red Flags.” When you see warning signs in a person’s character, or If you see red flags in various ways, do not ignore them for they will only get worse nor will they get better. Red flags are normally warnings from the Holy Spirit about things we do not see, and though we do not always see the impacts of the warning signs right away, it is best not to stick around to see those warning signs become a reality.
Many people wonder what red flags are the most “prominent,” and through the advice and the stories I have heard, these are the main red flags you will see right away, and I encourage you to listen to them.
Red Flag One: Their Faith Only lives within four walls on Sunday Mornings
Being a man who goes to church is wonderful, but isn’t enough. While going to church is very important, Christ expects our all and you must live for God on Monday through Saturday as well. While church can help you grow and become connected with others Christians, your walk with Christ is between you and God, it is a personal relationship, and you must be dedicated.
Knowing a few verses is fine, having a good church attendance is great, but what about in private? What about when nobody is watching? How do you live for God then? Do you have the same passion for God on Monday that you did on Sunday? If you see a change from Sunday to Monday, then that can be a signal, and it normally is.
“Then He said to them all, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me.” Luke 9:23
Following Christ takes sacrifice and packing up your cross, and if you are unwilling to do that, then following Christ will become a last priority to you. A person who acts double sided is to not be trusted, but a person who is truly dedicated to Christ 24/7 and 365 days a year is worth the wait.
Red Flag Two: He doesn’t respect your purity
Purity is something I hold strong too and I refuse to change my mind on it, and if a man doesn’t respect my purity, then the relationship is over with no questions asked. As a Christian, a person should not be compensating purity, but they should be saving it, and if a person keeps pushing you, then the person will not respect the marriage bed either.
“Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” Hebrews 13:4
A person who cannot respect you now will not respect you later, so if a man ignores your wishes, then that isn’t respect, and it will cause problems in a marriage. A man is to love his wife like Christ loves the church, and being disrespectful is not showing the love of Christ. Anyways, a man who makes you question your purity is a man you should let go of, because a real man would lead you to marriage and not into sin.
Red Flag Three: Major Disagreements
If you are dating someone who has quite a substantial amount of disagreements with you, then it will cause a future full of conflict. Though they say “opposites attract,” you should find a person who has the same desires as you do when it comes to children and other choices. If you want children, then you shouldn’t be with a person who doesn’t want them. If you want to raise your children in truth, then don’t date a man who’s an atheist or has a lacking of faith. Many people ignore these major differences when dating due to them not being married yet, but what happens when you are married and your spouse doesn’t want children or doesn’t want their children being raised on godly principles?
“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?” 2 Corinthians 6:14
Having standards is okay, and it will weed out the people who can cause conflict later on, so do not be afraid to know what you want in a future spouse or else it can cause potential problems to arise later on.
Red Flag Four: Lust
Lust and love are two completely different things, and if a person is only lusting after you instead of loving you, then that is a major problem. Lust dies fast and it will go away, and after the lust is gone, then what? You want someone to pursue you because he loves you, not because of lust, which happens a lot in 2018. Love goes past the surface and towards the heart while lust is only artificial.
“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is loving a person regardless of their flaws, love is choosing to love the person even when they seem to be annoying or “hard to deal with” at times, and love is loving someone like Christ loves them. You fall in love with the inside of a person, and that never fades, which is why a marriage will last much longer when you truly fall in love with a person than allowing lust to get in the way.
Normally, you can sense if a person has lustful intentions, and when you do see that happening, do not subject yourself to that, for your heart will end up broken in the long run. Find a person who will love you unconditionally and without limits.
Red Flag Five: Doesn’t Bare the Fruits
““Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore by their fruits you will know them.” Matthew 7:15-20
The fruits of the Spirit are mentioned many times in the Bible, and you know others by their fruits. By the fruits you will know them, and a follower of Christ bears many fruits of the Holy Spirit. Though we all tend to struggle with certain fruits, you will still be able to tell if a person is loving, kind, gentle, and has a genuine love for Christ.
If a guy seems to always be hostile, isn’t gentle towards anyone, seems to get angry very easily, is not humble, is not helpful, and is very arrogant, this is a red flag. When it comes to finding a spouse, you want your future husband to be selfless, loving, kind, slow to anger, helpful, and a man who will be proactive in your children’s lives.
A man who is selfish and has a lack of care shows signs of being absent in his roles of both a father and a husband, so instead of dating a man who’s faith is lacking, tell him to find Christ before finding a wife.
The Final Red Flag: He doesn’t respect his mother
If a man does not respect the woman who gave birth to him, then how do you expect Him to respect you? A mother gives birth to her children, she sacrifices her life for her children, and she does so much for her children, and a man who does not respect his mom is a man you should send down the road.
““Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.” Exodus 20:12
You can tell a lot about a man by the way he interacts with his mother, for he will one day interact with you in the same way. God commands us to be obedient to our parents, and if a man cannot obey his mother, he will not be able to love you like Christ loves the church. If you marry a man who is not loving, respectful, or obedient, then you will find many issues, which will cause a big strain on your marriage.
Not only will he disrespect you, but a man who disrespects his mother will be teaching his kids that his behavior is “okay,” which is a big red flag. Children learn their behaviors from their parents, which is why it is important to marry a godly man who will be an example to his children. The man you marry will be the example your children will go by as well as you, and a man who is not loving to his mother will on day teach his children that the behavior is okay when it is not.
In the end, these are the top red flags that you must look for when it comes to potential men that could end up being a potential husband. If a man has one of these red flags, then chances are, he isn’t the one God has for you, for God would not send you a man who has red flags, for He will send you a man who is the best man for you.
Red flags should not be ignored, for they are warning signs from God, so heed them as they come. When you ignore them, you are allowing yourself to be subjected to future problems that could be avoided, and you should not settle for less than God’s best, so always pray, be watchful, and take warning signs into account when getting to know a man.