Let’s face it, no matter how many books you read on godly dating, you will still have that feeling deep down of utter annoyance for singleness at least once in your life. I had it, I suffered with the hatred of singleness when I was a teen, and we have all been there, but singleness is just as much as a blessing as marriage is, and I realized that truth when my heart was broken by a guy who wasn’t God’s match for me.
After that heartache, God began to open my heart and break down the walls that I kept up. When I was 16, I believed that if I gave my dating life over to God, He would prevent me from finding love, for in the mind of 16 year old Christina, I thought God would make me an old maid, which was something I didn’t want to happen.
However, I was sorely wrong, because God is the Author of love and He created love in its rawest and purest form! If you want to see how much of a romantic God is, just read Song of Solomon, and you will see that He is not against marriage or love, but He want us to find a companion. God made Eve for the sole reason of making sure man wasn’t lonely; therefore, why keep God out of your dating life when He wants you to find love?
I finally gave God complete control over my dating life at 18, and I have since felt such joy and happiness, for I know that He has my dating life under control, and that my future husband will come when the time is right, but I know that many other single women live in the same lie of “Singleness is horrible” or “God will make me an old maid if I give Him control.”
Trust me, God will not do that, but He will do the exact opposite. Here is a guide to living in pure joy while navigating the single season while also giving God complete and utter trust in the one thing you hold so dearly onto which is dating.
First off, Singleness is just as much of a blessing as marriage is
I know, I just said that, but it is true! Singleness isn’t a curse, but it is also a blessing. Singleness gives you the time to grow closer to God, to learn what He wants for your life, and it gives you time to work on your relationship with Christ before you ever let another person into your life.
“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” Matthew 6:33
You cannot expect to love a man if you aren’t in love with Christ. If you do not find the man who suffered on a cross for you worth loving unendingly, then don’t expect to love a husband, because it won’t work. The single season gives you time to figure out God’s definition of marriage, how He views a godly marriage, and you also learn that Christ’s relationship with us is how our marriage should be.
If your walk with Christ is shaky and distant, then you’re future marriage will reflect that. If you’re walk with Christ is strong and stable, then you will bring that into a marriage with a husband. Whatever you are producing in your relationship with Christ, will impact the relationship you have with the man you marry; therefore, the single season is a blessing just as much as marriage is, for it gives you time to grow closer to Christ so you will know how to grow close to your future husband.
Find value in God’s grace rather than in the relationship status
“but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.”” John 4:14
I will be the first one to say that I am a hopeless romantic, and I dream of my wedding, my future husband, and so forth, but I also realize that a man cannot completely satisfy me, for Christ is the only one who can do that. When I dated my ex, I was dating him for validation and to fill a void I felt, but I got neither of those things, for I was forgetting about Christ. Christ is the only one who can completely satisfy you, and He is the only cup that will not run dry.
When you depend fully on Christ, then your marriage will be full of codependency on Christ, and that codependency will make the love between you grow stronger while seeking the throne of righteousness.
When you put Christ first and realize He is the only one who can fully satisfy you, then your future marriage will have the foundation of seeking Christ first, being open with each other when problems arise, and you will both be vulnerable as you both seek worth in Christ.
Find out your pro’s and con’s, and eliminate the con’s
While you are single, you can live joyfully when you look at your heart. A mature person is able to know what is wrong with them and will want to change it. I personally have a few things that I am asking God to change and to take away, but we all have things we need to work on. As you have one-on-one time with God in your single season, also take this time to look deep into your heart and see what needs changing.
“Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10
The best way at examining your heart, is by listing the good things about your character and then listing the things that you should eliminate from your character. This won’t be an easy activity, and it will require you to look deep into the problems that are embedded into your heart, but when you humble yourself before God, He will create a clean heart within you.
Once you begin to evaluate your heart, then you will begin to find joy in Christ, for joy resonates from a person who is continually seeking Him, so take time during the single season to find out what God would approve of in your character and what He would disapprove of.
These three things will bring you joy in the single season, but it will also bring perspective to marriage and relationships. Marriage is not just a wedding and a honeymoon, but it is a covenant between you, your husband, and God. God views marriage as sacred in His eyes, and before we ever get married, we should know His design of marriage. We should also strive to grow closer to Christ before we grow close to a man, for you cannot love someone if you aren’t in love with Christ.
In the end, singleness can bring times of mixed feelings, but in the end, the single season gives you time to find joy in Christ before you ever experience the joys of a godly marriage. If you aren’t finding the joys in Christ while single, the you cannot expect to find the joys of marriage when you are married.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6
Choose to find joy while you navigate through the single season, and one day, God will let the right man cut in at the right time, and when that day happens, it will make your season of singleness completely worth the waiting, so choose joy and choose to wait upon the Lord, for He directs your paths and makes them straight!