How to Handle Sexual Desires As a Single Christian Woman

I went to Christian schools for most of my life of schooling, but halfway through my sophomore year to senior year, those years were spent at public school, but thankfully, I am back at a Christian University, but I do have some negatives to talk about when I was in middle and part of high school from Christian school.

We had this thing called “purity week,” one week out of each February, but it didn’t explain how to handle your sexual desires. They just kept making sex look evil at all times and that God despised it. They were somewhat wrong in their approach to young teens, and I wish they would have gone about the topic differently.

Yes, sex outside of marriage is bad, but sex between married couples is not bad. I believe that Christians, especially Christian high schools, have the tendency to make sex “look completely evil,” but in all honestly, it is only evil if two unmarried people partake in it.

The school I went too made us feel like sexual desires were abnormal and horrible, but they aren’t for God gave us those natural desires; however, we must refuse temptation and cling to Christ. Therefore, they were not teaching us how to cling to Christ or how to even handle sexual desires. It was like they were throwing a manual at us and said “Figure it out on your own.”

I remember going to my mom one day in seventh grade and asking her “How do I handle my sexual desires as a single girl,” and I was looking for advice. My virginity means a lot to me, and I refuse to give that to a man who isn’t my husband, but temptation is still real, sexual desires are ever present, and sin is rampant, so I wanted to know how to handle them.

Trust me, every kid who has sat through those purity seminaries during middle school and high school can attest that they don’t ever explain how to handle situations, but they only explain how we should not do things, but these are the tips that I wish they would have spoken about to explain purity even more clearly.

Tip One: Understand Your Worth

Purity is one of the most precious gifts you could ever give your husband! Society has put a negative light on those who wait, but waiting is scared, special, and it makes you put your husband before your own desires. 

Why give something so special such as your virginity to a man who is not going to call you back the next day? Imagine the regret and the hurt women feel when that happens? When I was a freshman in high school, I had a friend who ended up making a huge mistake, and her boyfriend dumped her the next day for all he wanted from her was sex.

“She is more precious than rubies,
And all the things you may desire cannot compare with her.” Proverbs 3:15

You are worth more than being treated like a doormat so to handle your sexual desires, it helps make waiting easier when you understand your worth. You are worth waiting for, you are worth more than a one night stand, you are worth more than giving yourself away to lowly man, and your body is worth saving until marriage. God never intended for you to feel shame, for He sent His Son to wipe away your sins, your shame, and your pain. God doesn’t want you to wake up naked next to a man who doesn’t know what you are worth.

So ladies, handling desire is much easier when you understand that God has a man out there who knows and will cherish your worth.

Tip Two: Find strength in Christ

If you think you can handle anything “on your own,” then you are going to fail. Without Christ, you are weak, you are frail, and sin will overcome you and drown you. You will begin to be pulled to and from, and you will find yourself in so many webs and dead ends, and you’ll wonder how you got there.

So before you find yourself into a deep web of sin, you need to realize that you are not strong enough to fight sin on your own. It takes the strength of Christ to fight sin, and you must depend on Him. In our society, sex is the number one idol right now. You have movies, books, and then you had “Fifty Shades of Grey,” which was full of glorification of sex and immortality.

Everywhere you turn, a multitude of sins are being promoted, so you need to cling to Christ. Being a Christian isn’t going to be an “easy path,” which is why so many people will not walk the narrow path.

As I’ve gotten older, some people I knew from middle or high school that were “strong in Christ” are no longer walking with Christ due to them thinking they could handle sin on their own. They are completely different people, and they have fallen so drastically into sin, that I don’t even recognize them anymore.

“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.” Philippians 4:8

With God, no weapon shall form against you, so you need to find refuge in Him, and you need to make sure that you think of things that are pure, noble, and honoring in the eyes of the Lord, for Satan is out to kill, steal, and destroy you.

Tip Three: Choose purity

 “No servant can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon.”” Luke 16:13 (Also is stated earlier in Matthew 6:24)

Purity is a heated topic even with some Christians, because there are people out there who believe that they can follow Christ and still sleep with who they want, and that is an oxymoron. You cannot love Christ while living in lust and sin, for it isn’t possible, and this caused the biggest debate in classes and seminars in freshman year.

Some of the girls in my freshman class in high school would sleep with so many guys at neighboring public high schools, but then on Monday during chapel, they would act very “Christ-like,” and they would be a different person, and this always bothered me.

 You cannot serve two masters, so you either choose to deny your sin and follow Christ, or you choose to live in your sin.

You have to choose purity, and no one can choose that for you. No matter how long you’ve been in church, it boils down to your choices. You must choose on your own accord to follow Christ, to live virtuously, and to be pure.

No matter how many tips I give you, I cannot make you choose purity, and no matter how many purity seminars you go too, they cannot make you choose to wait, but it is up to you too choose. Sexual desires become difficult to handle when you think of sex as “nonchalant” and a “light subject.”

When you choose to be passionate for purity and strive to be like Christ, then your heart is filled with wanting to honor God, and you flee from immorality. You will understand that one day all of the waiting and perseverance is well worth it, so don’t think of sex as a “light subject,’ because sex is very powerful and shouldn’t be taken lightly, because temptation can easily slip into your life if you are not on guard.

Tip Four: Remember that your future husband is waiting for you as well

I remember talking to a good friend of mine in sophmore year. We always talked about Christ, and one day he said “How heartbreaking would it be to find out that your spouse did not wait for you?’ That question was very heavy, but it is true. Instead of thinking about yourself, think about your husband.

Do you want to break your husband’s heart before he ever gives it to you? Do you want to make him feel cheated due to you not waiting? This topic is very touchy, but it needs to be addressed. Waiting is about selflessness and thinking about the other person at the end of the aisle.

What you do in your single life will impact your marriage, so if you have sex with “any man,” those men will impact your marriage bed. The best way you can handle your sexual desires is by being selfless. Before going off the deep end, think about your husband before you ever thinking about giving a random man something that does not belong to him.

I promise you, that when you begin to think about your future husband, you will want to handle your sexual desire with the power of Christ, you will want to cling to Him, and you will not only understand your worth, but you will also understand how much your husband is worth.

Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.” 1 Corinthians 6:18

Any single person can agree that waiting is one of the most difficult battles, but that does not give us the excuse to do what we want. I am waiting for a man who will lead me to marriage before he ever thinks about leading me to a bedroom, because my worth is more than a one night stand with a man who won’t call me back the next day.

One day, I will be able to look back and know that waiting was well worth it, so don’t let temptation to put a dent into your future marriage, so only allow your husband to that gift, for he is worth being waited on.

Make purity your top priority, depend on Christ, and think of your future husband before you do something that could break his heart or harm your future marriage, for this world is out to destroy morals, so don’t let this society destroy you.

12 thoughts on “How to Handle Sexual Desires As a Single Christian Woman

  1. Such a great post thank you! I was single until I was 31, and had never kissed a guy until then either. We’re now engaged and I’ll be 32 by the time we get married. We’re committed to waiting until we’re married to have sex and it’s not easy! You are so right about God designing the desires we have, so it’s important to recognise those desires as a good thing, but to only act on them in appropriate times…which is marriage. When I was single and felt hopeless about ever meeting someone, I used to envy all the people who were having sex…it felt like I was missing out…but now that I’ve met the man I am going to marry, I am SO SO thankful that I waited for him, and that he waited for me, because it’s a special experience that we will share with each other and no one else.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I wish I had these kinds of words of advice during my days of middle school, so I’m hoping it will help others who are seeking tips on purity! Thank you for your words, and I hope you have had a wonderful Good Friday! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Sex is a legitimate desire and pleasure. It was created by God to approach and form the couple.
    And being a pleasure is powerfully seductive, and within an environment of a reciprocal love of the couple, exists for the purpose of creating another human being equal to their parents; then it is complete and fulfills its purpose.

    One question is:
    In addition to the risk of diseases of casual sex; how to treat the situation of parents and children generated in a loveless, environment without planning, and without the psychological and material structure to receive a child?

    Like

    1. That is why, obvious, sex, besides being a natural source of pleasure, if practiced in an inconsequential way, can be an inducer of error, and generate suffering, anguish, and pain.

      Like

  3. I love your post, it is well written. But even though it is full of truth there’s something missing
    What about people who met Christ after giving their virginity away?
    Like i said earlier, great post! i might repost or cite it if you allow me to.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for asking me that and for bringing it to my attention! I’ll make that a post for the very near future, for it is an important subject, but though people might have given their virginity away before meeting Christ, they are still loved by God regardless of their past, and one day, their future spouses will love them regardless of who they were before they met Jesus.

      Thank you for loving this post, and you are free to repost! God bless you! 🙂

      Like

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