There it is again;
Another relationship status on Facebook,
Another 10 photos of an engagement that took place,
And then you have the long caption that explains how they found love.
As you see all of those who are falling in love, you feel as if you are the last single person standing. Everyone else either “jumped ship” or found their sweethearts before the ship wrecked into the rocks, but here you are; a survivor who is the last person standing in the wreckage.
That can be a common feeling of singleness, especially if you’re a person like me and haven’t dated in years. I normally find myself getting breakfast or coffee with a friend in the early morning, and our conversations always go towards “dating” or “singleness.”
The questions that I’ve been asked multiple times at these coffee breaks are:
“How do I survive as a single woman?”
“Do you ever feel like the last single girl standing?”
“How did a girl younger than us get married?”
“Christina, how can you be so content with being single?”
That last one is the one I get asked more often than not, but trust me, I used to be the girl who was desperate. I would sit in my bedroom, write in my diary, and write my feelings away. I hated singleness when I was 15 and 16 years old, I would view being single as a “plague,” and I read thousands of books on dating.
Just name a Christian dating book, and I probably read it when I was 15 or 16. I did not like singleness, and I was always the last single girl standing, which made me hate it even more. Even at sixteen, all of my friends were on boyfriend number “3,” but I wasn’t even on my first boyfriend.
I had zero boyfriends,
Zero “I love you’s,”
Zero first dates,
And zero “cute photos” at church.
I was oblivious to dating.
I was in the dark when it came to dating, and it made me upset. Sadly, I learned my lesson through heartache from a horrible ex-boyfriend, and I have learned that falling into desperation was never the answer; ever. Now, as I am in my early twenties, I have learned to be content in this time of singleness, and I also learned that singleness is not the end of the world, and it is not a “plague.”
Sure, I know of a girl who is getting married and she’s younger than I am, and I also know of a girl who was not married last year, but she’s married this year, so I understand the phrase “I feel like the last single person in the world,” but I don’t let that faze me.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6
I don’t worry about dating, for I know God has it under control. When I was sixteen, I was afraid of giving God the pen for I thought He would not give me what I wanted. I kept telling God “I want to write my love story,” but I was wrong in my approach. You can see what happened when I tried writing the story, and it ended in heartache.
I ended up giving God the pen when I turned 18 years old. I was wiser than what I was at 16, and I realized that if I wanted a godly marriage, I had to give God control, so I did. I gave up the pen, I gave God the ropes, and I let Him be the Author of my love story.
Since then, I have been at peace. I know that my future husband is out there, and I do pray for him daily. I pray that he does not fall into temptation, I pray that his fears are drowned in perfect love, and I pray that his dreams comes true. I do not pray out of selfish intention, but I pray out of selfless love for my future husband.
If you want advice on dating, then here’s one small piece of advice; stop looking and focus on God.
If you cannot focus on God, then how will you focus on a marriage?
If you cannot love God completely, then how will you love your future spouse?
Just because you stop looking does not mean you’ve given up. It just lets God know that you are fully trusting Him. I’m going to be honest, but I do sometimes do get frustrated, but I am human. I am not here to tell you that I am a perfect girl, because there are moments where I get frustrated with the ‘single status,” but I will not sink to a level of desperation.
I want to be so in love with God, that my future husband comes out of nowhere and catches me off guard. I want to be so Christ-like, that my future husband is drawn to that radiance that Christ gives me when I am set on seeking Him.
I want my future husband to find me in love with Christ. I do not want him to find me in a mess or in a rut, but I want him to find me loving God completely, having faith, and working on building a stronger relationship with Christ.
That is the girl I want my future husband to see for the first time.
So that’s my goal right now. I am working on my relationship with Jesus Christ so that I can one day help my husband in his spiritual battles, be an encouragement to him in his faith, and be the godly wife he prays for.
“But many who are first will be last, and the last first.” Matthew 19:30
I might be the last girl standing when it comes to relationships, but in God’s eyes, the first shall be last, and the last shall be first, so if you feel like you are the last one, just know that God makes those who are in “last place” first.
Out of the 8 billion people living right now, God has one man for me; the right man.
God has the man picked out for me who will be there when I am sad, who will be there to encourage me in my faith, and who will be so on fire for God, that I will admire his faith, dedication, and love for Jesus Christ.
That man is worth being “last in line for,” because I would rather wait for my husband than to quickly jump into a marriage with a man that doesn’t know my worth. Like they say “Good things come to those who wait,” and that is why Jesus preached on how those who want to be first become last.
So who cares if I am the “last single girl to be standing” right now, because one day, a man who will be my future husband will come into my life, be revealed to me, and he will be worth the wait!
Singleness isn’t a crime or a plague, and though it can be frustrating at times, it won’t kill you. Singleness gives you the time to fall in love with Jesus before you fall in love with a person, and if you cannot love Christ, then it is impossible for you love anyone else.
“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28
So don’t worry about the ‘sinking ship” or being “the last one standing” in the wreckage, because one day, God will throw you the lifeline you seek for, and at the end of that line, you’ll find what your soul has been longing for, so be patient, because all things work together for those who love God.