To anyone who has lost a loved one, Christmas time can be very difficult, and it has been for my family.
A little over a year ago, my father passed away, and this makes the second Christmas without him, and it has been really hard. However, I am very thankful that my mother lived to see this Christmas, because not too long ago she had a heart attack that could have endly badly, but with God’s love and grace, she made it through!
I am not going to lie, but I still have moments where I miss my dad so much, and I don’t care if it’s been a little over a year, I still miss my dad.
I’ve cried a few times if I had to be honest. My father missed a lot of things in my life since he died, and I wish he was here. I wish my dad was here for so many things, and there are times where I wish that I could talk to him one last time to tell him about everything.
Whenever people ask me about my dad’s death, it can be hard at times. Knowing that my dad will not be there to meet the man I will marry, knowing that my dad will not be able to give his blessing to my husband wanting to propose, and knowning that my children will not be able to meet their grandfather breaks me down into pure tears.
I wish my dad was here, and I wish he was here even more for Christmas.
Before my dad died, I wondered how people could live without a person they loved, but now that I have experienced death firsthand, I have learned that you do not “get over it,” but you learn to cope. You find hope in God’s Son, you find hope that the person who passed away is with Christ, and that they are no longer in pain.
However, holidays are hard. It makes you realize that there is one more empty chair, it makes you realize that there is one less person laughing, it makes you realize that there are less memories shared.
I never told you about my dad’s death, but it was very hard. My father died of a sudden heart attack in August of 2016, and he ended up dying on the way to the hospital. The EMS, the doctors, and everyone tried to revive him, but it sadly did not work, because he was gone.
On the bright side, the doctor said he went peacefully and did not experience any pain as he died, and that is one of the most relieving things you can hear when someone you love passes away.
It feels just like yesterday when the funeral occurred. I was trying to keep myself together, but I was failing very badly. I had a few people there from my previous church, and all I remember is breaking down into their arms when they closed his casket, because it was in that moment where I realized that I would never see my father on this earth again.
I confided in Christ, and I did not blame God. Blaming God would not answer any problems, and I clung to Him. I clung to Jesus as if He were a rope. I prayed, I vented, I lost myself in Scripture, and I found refuge in God.
As long as my breath is in me,
And the breath of God in my nostrils,
My lips will not speak wickedness,
Nor my tongue utter deceit.” Job 27:3-4
I read the story of Job, and I admire Job. I never could understand what Job faced, but after I lost my father, I began to connect with the book of Job on a completely new level. Though I know that Job went through way more tragedy than what I went through, I understand the grief that he felt, and he stayed strong and never spoke against God.
And I will stay strong now!
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28
Though my mom and I are spending Christmas without my father, we will stay strong in God’s promises, because all things work together for our good. This past year has been really hard, but though it has been hard, God knows our future, and it is of hope and not disaster.
To anyone who is suffering the lost of a loved one this season, find hope in Jesus! Realize that He is the source to all healing, peace, and love!
My dad is still my dad and he always will be even if he isn’t here anymore, and I know that he’s no longer in pain, but he’s in a place of freedom, so merry Christmas to my dad!
I wonder what Christmas must be like where he is, because I bet it’s better than what I can imagine.
Merry Christmas to you all, and I hope that you are surrounded by family that love you, care for you, and embrace you!