I Don’t Just Want a “Church Going Guy;” I Want Something Much More

Being a young college girl in her early twenties, I’ve been exposed to many different lessons, such as learning that my political affiliation defines me in college, realizing that I must always be prepared for my plans to change suddenly, and then some of those elements include guarding my heart.

Recently, I had a man that I somewhat know contact me. I’ve seen this guy at my friend’s birthday dinners, and I met him once at her church, so this is a guy that has mutual friends with me, but I know him good enough to know that this is a guy who I shouldn’t be interested in, so I kept my distance.

Anyways, this guy and I chatted for awhile, and then he asked me out on a date, but before I ever answered this man, I asked him about his walk with Christ.

As I was talking to this young man, he disregards Christ in a way that does not bring honor to God. When I asked him about his walk with Christ, he tells me he isn’t that focused on it and he then told  me “I go to church sometimes.”

When I ask him why he isn’t focused on Christ, he says he doesn’t like the idea of being told what to do or when to do it, and he also thought it wasn’t as important as people were making it out to be.

There are a lot of ladies who date men just on the sole basis of them “going to church,” and that can be a dangerous philosophy, because not all people who sit in church pews are truly following Christ.

Just because this guy goes to church sometimes does not mean he is a godly man.

If this guy was truly striving to be like Christ, then he would view Jesus as crucial to his life, and if he was truly seeking to be a godly man, then he would follow Christ without any hesitation and he would not say “I do not believe in being told what to do.”

I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.” Galatians 2:20

When you follow Christ, you become a bondservant of him, it is no longer you that lives, and you have given yourself completely over to Christ! When you follow Him, it is Him who lives in you; therefore, to follow Christ means to deny the world and your flesh.

Though this man might have been attractive, looks do not mean anything when it comes to the heart, and this guy is the exact opposite of what God would want for me, and I knew that God was telling me to stay away, and I listened.

This guy asked me why I was so quick to decline him, and I explained my reasoning to him, and then we got into a big conversation on what being a godly is.

No matter how hard I tried explaining to him what being godly mean, it’s as if didn’t understand anything, and no matter how much I tried simplifying things, he was still confused.

This confrontation with this guy is what inspired me to write this post, because it’s guys like him that made me raise my standards. I don’t just want a man who goes to church, but I want a genuine man who is godly, who lives for Christ, and strives to be like Christ all the time and not just on Sunday!

I want a man who’s prayer life is strong, who admits his flaws, and who actively strives to be like Christ. It’s one thing to say you follow Christ, but it’s another thing to actually follow Him.

When He had called the people to Himself, with His disciples also, He said to them, “Whoever desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.” Mark 8:34

There are many people who say they follow Christ, but how many of them actually do, how many of them actually pick up their cross, and how many of them would be willing to give up everything to follow Him, because in order to follow Christ, you have to be willing to give up everything.

If a man isn’t strong in his walk with Christ, then he won’t be strong in a relationship. I will not dedicate time to a man who doesn’t view Christ as important. I want more than a “Church going man,” but I want a God-fearing man, a man who makes Jesus a priority, and I want a man who wants Jesus. Not only do I want a man who understands that He needs Jesus, but I also want Him to desire Him, to want to serve God, and to grow in Christ.

I want a man who seeks to help others, who seeks to make Christ known so others may find truth, hope, and salvation, which is found in Him. I refuse to settle for just a “church going guy,” because that’s not all there is to your walk with Christ, and church is only the surface.

Yes, church is important, but so is everything else. I refuse to date a man who is “half in and half out,” because I want a man who is fully committed to Christ.

Therefore, that is why I declined that guy, and I don’t care how attractive he was, because if a man isn’t passionate about Jesus who died on a cross for him, then I refuse to awaken love to that person, because a man who loves Christ is the only man who is worth dating.

Sometimes you have to say “No,” even if it’s to a person who is good-looking, because looks mean nothing. I would rather date a man who is passionate about Christ and ignored rather than date the most wanted man who has no walk with Christ.

I want someone who can lead me closer to Christ, and a man who’s heart is set on Christ, is where true attraction comes from, so that’s what I look for. I don’t care about the outside that will fade, but I care about what the heart has to offer, because the intentions and desires in a man’s heart will never fade.

I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, By the gazelles or by the does of the field, Do not stir up nor awaken love Until it pleases.” Song of Solomon 2:7

That’s why it’s important to not awaken love when it is not time, because if you awaken that for the wrong person, then your heart will shatter, and is it worth it? No, so wait for the person God has for you, and wait for someone who’s heart is set on Christ, for when you date someone, you might one day marry them, so date wisely.

A lot of people tell me that I’m “too picky,” but I refuse to settle for a man who puts his faith on the back burner and I refuse to settle for a man who cannot be a spiritual guidance to me. If a man isn’t in love with Jesus then how will he be in love with me?

So I refuse to settle for a man who refuses to love Christ, because Jesus will love him more than I ever could, and I want to find a man who realizes that Christ is the source of love, and a man who is fully dedicated to Christ is a man worth waiting for.

In the end, the real moral of the story is this:

“A Woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her.” -Max Lucado

19 thoughts on “I Don’t Just Want a “Church Going Guy;” I Want Something Much More

  1. I have discovered that both men and women will use the “I go to church” card to pick up someone. I encountered someone like that before I met my wife. I made this statement to someone the week before I met my wife: “If I cannot find a lady who loves Jesus without me in her life, I will remain alone.” Anyone can have a church relationship, but it is a vibrant, growing relationship with Christ that will align all other matters.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I agree! Anyone can have a church relationship, but the relationship with Christ is what truly matters. It saddens me when people use church as a way to date people, and I pray for them. If they would open their hearts to a relationship with Christ, then they’d realize that a person committed to Jesus is one of the most crucial factors when it comes to dating.

      God bless you! 🙂

      Liked by 3 people

  2. Stay “picky”! 🙂 The man God has intended for you is out there, waiting for you as well. Fantastic quote, I love it so much! My husband constantly challenges me in my walk with God, yours will as well. God Bless!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Christina! Every single word! Amen! I loved this! ❤ I praise His Holy name for letting me read this. SO encouraging, and strengthens me to keep following Christ exactly where he has been leading, or has me. GREAT use of that Song of Solomon verse! A whole new way to see it! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Great thought. One of the most important decisions anyone can make is whom they will join themselves to for life. It is always good to hear young people with the willingness to make good decisions.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. To God be the glory! You are wise beyond your years. Continue to stand on Proverbs 3:5-6 and Matthew 6:33. I pray that many other young women that you come into contact with will be inspired by God to follow in your footsteps. God has that special man out there for you, and I guarantee you will never regret putting God first in your life, and waiting for a man who puts God first in his life.


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