Since the last post was very raw and deep, I thought I would lighten the air with a sweet and light-hearted post, because we could all use a “love-filled” type post in our lives, right?
This post has the high potential of turning into a deep post, because the words “husband” and “letter” are in the title, and I take my future husband very seriously, so who knows, but we’ll find out!
I have written about how I have written letters to my future husband back in September, but I have never written a letter to him online, and I wanted too, but then again, I wondered if I wanted to be that vulnerable, but I will be.
Vulnerability is a gift that so many people want to “return to sender,” but I refuse to do that, and I embrace my emotions and feelings as a human being.
Dear Future Husband,
The day you marry me, will be the day you realize how much I loved you before I even knew the way your eyes light up when you smile, before I knew what your pet peeves were, before I knew what your faults were, and before I knew what your last name was.
I never intended to post a letter to the entire internet, or the universe, to see. I intended for you, and you alone, to be the only man to read the letters that have hidden in my lock box behind my bookshelf in my room.
When I was a 4 year old girl, I imagined you as a tall man, who looked like Prince Charming, who lived in a castle, and who would love me forever and ever with no end, but as I got older, I realized that Prince Charming doesn’t exist because perfection doesn’t exist.
4 year old me thought of you as perfect, as the best man ever, but I know you aren’t perfect, and I don’t expect you to be. I am far from perfect. I have found myself broken many times before, so I do not expect you to rise to perfection if I cannot.
Jesus was the only man who was perfect on this earth, and though I know you strive to be like Christ, you still fail, but don’t let that be a “stumbling block,” because I’ll love you in you darkest, but He loved you in those moments too!
I have had dark moments in my life.
My life before my relationship with Jesus was full of sucidal thoughts and an attempt that could have ended badly.
When I was 17 years old, I threw myself into an eating disorder that controlled my life for 2 years, and I am now just one year recovered from that.
Therefore, I’ll love you even if you are a broken mess, because I don’t want you to act like “you have it all together,” because it’s okay if you don’t have everything in order.
It’s okay to be broken,
It’s okay to fall apart,
It’s okay to feel like your world is imploding,
Because by His stripes, we are healed.
Though I am in love with the happy side of you who smiles constantly, I am also in love with the side of you who is not afraid to cry, who is not afraid to admit that he’s afraid, and who feels like darkness is caving in.
Even if you’re a mess, I love you.
Because I don’t want a perfect husband.
If I wanted a perfect husband, then I would not be writing this letter, now would I?
I’ll marry you even if you’re a mess, even if you’re broken, even if you have tears streaming down your face, and I’ll love you even if you don’t love yourself, because if Christ can love you in your darkest, then I can love you in the depths of darkness as well.
I’ll be by your side when tragedy strikes, I’ll be by your side when you feel your faith being tested, and I’ll be there to encourage and help you.
A lot of ladies believe that marriage is all about the wedding day, but it isn’t. I was made to be your helper, your encourager, your supporter, and to be there for you so you aren’t alone.
I know what it is like to be broken, and I am not afraid to share that with people and I am not afraid to let them know that I am not that “Picture perfect girl” who has everything together, because I don’t.
Don’t beat yourself up on things you cannot change.
I learned that we are redeemed by His grace, which is sufficient for us. When I gave my burdens to Christ, I began to beat myself up over my past. I thought there was no way my past could be forgiven, but it was! 1 John 1:9 explains how our Father is willing and just to forgive us, so instead of living in the past, I live with eagerness for the future where happiness, joy, and hope live, which my future also includes marrying you!
While I have now decided to not let my past define me, I hope you let go of whatever you have in your past, because it doesn’t change my love towards you, and it never will.
We are all broken, because Jesus had to die for us.
His death showed that we all were broken, damaged, and hurting, so stop hating yourself, and forgive yourself.
I could say “I love you” a million times, so please don’t try to be a perfect man, because you aren’t, and I will still be madly in love with you, which includes me loving your flaws and imperfections! As I’ve grown throughout the years, I learned that perfection gives no room to learn, and we all need to learn.
As I continue to learn how to let go of things I cannot change, I pray that you do the same, became I love you even if you are a mess, because you are a handsome mess that I love with all of my heart, and you will one day be the man I wake up to each morning, and I will thank God for you as you continue sleeping soundly, for I will be that blessed to be your wife!
I do not care if you are not the “cookie-cutter” guy that all the girls want to marry, because if you heart is set on Christ, if your heart is full of love and kindness, and if you are set on doing all things for God, then that makes you a man worth loving.I’ll be more than honored to be the girl who gets to marry you.
I also hope you’ll be able to say the same about me even if I do have the tendency of being a crazy mess at times.
With all of my love,
Your future wife
I am my beloved’s,
And my beloved is mine.
He feeds his flock among the lilies.” Song of Solomon 6:3