I’m letting you into another part of my life that defined who I am, and this one isn’t down or gloomy, but some may think the beginning part is, but I have come to terms with my past, and I want to share it.
God blessed me with loving parents, and even if they weren’t my biological parents, they loved me as their own daughter, and I want to share the wonderful joys of “adoption” or in my case, becoming the daughter of my biological grandparents who are the most wonderful parents I could have ever asked for!
My story is different, as I stated above, for I was legally raised within my own family, but they still loved me as a daughter. God blessed me with loving grandparents who then legally became my mom and dad at age 3, so I still saw my family growing up, but the beginning of my life wasn’t so easy.
Before I was born, no one knew what gender was, because I was a “little lady” and refused to break the laws of classiness, so during ultrasounds, you could never know what I was due to my legs being crossed. My biological mother wanted a baby boy. She bought all boy clothes, she bought boy things, and she was going to name me Joshua, but the moment I was born, and she found out that I was a baby girl, she resented me.
My biological mother hated little girls: she utterly hated them. When I was born, she refused to hold me, refused to look at me, and was livid. She kept begging why I had to be a girl, and she thought there was “some mistake.” At one point, she asked if I was confused with another child and refused to believe that I was the right baby.
When I was 3 months old, she left me to die one night as she ran around to do drugs and be with multiple men. My biological mother was a prostitute and a horrible drug addict, and when she would run the town, she would put sleeping medicine in my bottle so I would stay asleep in my crib and never wake up, so the neighbors or not one walking by could hear an abandoned baby screaming and crying.
One day, my biological grandparents, who then filed to become my parents, barged into the house for God was telling them that something was wrong, and whenever they tell me the story, they say that they had to barge into my nursery where the windows had blankets on them so the neighbors would not see that I was left unattended.
On that night they rushed me to get help for they knew that it was only minutes until I passed away. My diaper went unchanged for 4 days, I was barely breathing, I was malnourished, and I was under an overdose of sleeping medicine, and they were panicking beyond belief.
Whenever my mom recalls what she felt in that moment of rushing to revive me and filing to adopting me, she tells me that she thought that I was going to die at only 3 months old, but she kept praying over and over for God to let me live.
However, this story has a happy ending. Due to my biological grandparents wanting to be very careful with the legal papers, the lawyers, and taking my biological mother to court, it took them 3 years to finally legalize things, because they wanted to do so very easily and without any surprises.
They were afraid of my biological mother running away with me, so to prevent her from doing so, it took them a long journey for me to become their daughter legally, but I remember the day that it became legal. Now, I always viewed my grandparents as my mom and dad, but the joy I felt when the judge said it was legally binding felt amazing!
Though I was just 3 years old, I remember that day! I remember my mom running up to me saying It was “finalized,” and it was in that moment where we could all breathe and no longer worry about anymore pain, because I had loving parents who couldn’t be taken away from me.
“But now, O Lord,
You are our Father;
We are the clay, and You our potter;
And all we are the work of Your hand.” Isaiah 64:8
I am not a product of my environment, but I am a child of God and I am the clay in His hands! I don’t let my past define me, I refuse to let it define me, and I will not ever blame myself for something that was not in my control. God blessed my life with wonderful parents, so why should I be sad?
“Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lordyour God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”” Deuteronomy 31:6
I don’t look back at the past, but I look towards the future that is filled with joy, love, and happiness. God has been good to me, and though my life might have started out on a path that many aren’t on, He never left me, and God will not leave me now!
I have a story, and this is a big part of my life that formed me into the person I am! As I was growing up, I had some other kids my age think I was “abnormal” for being raised by older parents, and I was bullied when the other kids found out my story, but I did not care then and I don’t care now. I don’t worry about how old my parents are and I do not care if they were not my “biological” parents, because blood does not automatically make you a parent.
Love makes you a parent, and I was loved by my biological grandparents and they will always be my mom and dad. I do not care if I did not come from them, because that does not matter to me. They gave me a loving childhood, supported my dreams, were amazing, were wonderful, and were the best parents I could have ever asked for.
And I thank God for the wonderful blessing of adoption.
Though I do plan on having biological children one day, I would like to maybe adopt one child, for I know what it’s like to be taken into a home and to have loving parents; however, I understand if I am not able too, for adoption is not an easy endeavor, but it would at least be a good conversation to have with my future husband. Maybe this desire comes from my own experience, but there are so many orphans who deserve loving homes, and if I can give just one child a home, then that means there is one less child that is parent-less
However, this is a conversation to be had with whoever I marry, and his thoughts also mean a lot to me as well, so it will take both him and I to pray over it and ask God about it, so though I may want to adopt, it may not be in God’s will for my future husband and I, but I will continue to pray that all the children who are in orphanages find loving homes, for children deserve to have loving parents who will love them dearly.