My sister and I talk about dating and marriage a lot, and while we were talking last night, we had a nice conversation on dating and marriage while reminiscing on memories that had us in laughing to the point of tears, and our conversation sparked and inspired this post.
When I turned 18 years ago, I was set on finding my future husband, and I began to wonder “Where is he,” but as I was endlessly in my pursuit for someone that was out of my control, I was forgetting the real issue.
Fast forwarding to as I am now 20, I still have no luck in this thing called “dating” and to be honest, I haven’t even had a first date yet, so 18 year old me would surely be disappointed if she were to see my life right now, but I learned something really important, and I wish I would have known this at 18.
“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
I should have been seeking Christ, for God will let my husband pursue me at the right time. I can’t expect to have a godly marriage when I am putting my husband over Jesus. In order to have everything work together for my good, I must love God completely. Don’t get me wrong, I have a strong desire to be a wife and a mother, but while I am in this time of singleness, I will seek Christ and have my husband seek me instead of me seeking him.
When I was 18, my mentality was a bit obscure, but with age comes wisdom. I was trying to seek for my husband, when it’s my husband who seeks me. The man I should be pursing is Christ! I’ve now put my entire focus on Christ and on Scripture, for how do I expect to love my husband if I can’t even love His Son? How can I expect to put my husband first in my marriage if I can’t put God first above all other things?
What I do in my walk with Christ will reflect in my marriage, and if I want a marriage that is built on Christ, then I must be Christ-like and be able to pull my weight in the relationship and marriage as well.
I should be seeking to strive to be more like Him, to be more godly, and to be the wife that my husband would want to pursue and marry. I found myself in an endless pursuit when I shouldn’t have been. The way I can prepare myself for my husband, is by being a woman of integrity, a woman of her word, and a woman of Christ.
“The words of king Lemuel, the prophecy that his mother taught him.” Proverbs 31:1
Proverbs 31 is actually about a mother telling her son what to find in a wife, and a lot of people think that Proverbs 31 is God talking directly to women, but it’s not; it’s talking to men and what they should look for when pursuing a wife. I know a lot of ladies who are dreaming of their wedding day, but in order to find the husband-to-be, you must be the woman that God would want him to marry, for a godly man would not marry someone who isn’t set on loving God completely.
So, I’m going to let my husband pursue me and I am going to focus on Christ, for when I focus my attention on Christ, strive to be like Him, compassionate, kind, and examine my heart constantly, then one day, someone will find me worth pursuing and it will when I am striving to be Christ-like.
Fall in love with Christ before you fall in love with anyone else, for Christ gave you the ultimate sacrifice, and you’re husband is going to love you like Christ loves the church. If you cannot be in total love and in adoration for the Savior, then how do you expect to be in love with your husband?
In the end, if you wonder where your husband is, you have to stop searching for him, for he will search for you. Do not be in such a powerful pursuit over a man that he passes you for you weren’t focused on Christ, for he wants a wife who puts her focus solely on Christ
“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies” Proverbs 31:10
Proverbs 31 wasn’t written for no reason, but it was written as a guide for a man’s pursuit, and a man should find a woman who is worth more than rubies, who’s worth is found in Christ and not the things of society, and who’s heart is filled with kindness, love, joy, compassion, and love for the Lord, so I will focus my attention on being those things not only because I want a godly marriage, but because I know it brings glory and honor to God.
One day, my husband will pursue me and one of the main reasons will be due to me being godly and being so consumed with the Jesus, that he wants that as his wife.
That is the woman my husband will fall in love with. Though my husband expects me to love him, he doesn’t expect me to love him more than Christ, and if I ever did love him more, then that would be the moment he should either pause the relationship or sit me down and talk about what I am doing wrong.
If I am not a godly woman when I am dating my husband, I want him to freeze the relationship and tell me to get right with God before he continues to pursue me, for like I mentioned, what you do in your walk with Christ, will echo in your marriage, so I am basically giving my husband the right to put a hold on our relationship if my dedication for Christ is slacking, for he deserves a woman who is dedicated to Jesus Christ.
He deserves a woman that is committed to the Lord and though he is my future husband, he deserves to have someone who is passionate for Christ, so I must be passionate for Jesus now for my husband deserves a godly wife!
So ladies, stop pursuing your husband and pursue Christ, for your future husband is going to want you to be focused on Jesus, and he will be the one to pursue you. If a man is truly godly, he will pursue a woman who is just as godly as well, and putting Christ second in your life is going to make him pass you by for that’s not what he is looking for, but when you start seeking Christ whole heartedly, then he will come around, so focus on what really matters.
Focus on Christ and work on your relationship with Him if you want to have a strong relationship with your husband, Let the gospel consume you, and then one day, when you are so lost in God, that is when your husband will show up and you might not even realize it for how consumed you are with Him, but God will let the right man cut in at the right time, so get lost in Jesus Christ and let God write your love story!